After the verdict came down last night my feed was FULL of people posting about it. And because it's my feed it was all variations of "Finally!" or "Yay!" or just jokes. Lots and lots of jokes.
Brent and I talked about it at dinner and he said he wasn't celebrating anything because it didn't mean anything just yet. I told him that I understood where he was coming from but that we needed to take the moments that showed he is not above the law, that he does have to face consequences, and celebrate those. But then go right back to making sure he loses the election. Because that's the part that matters.
So while I was enjoying the moment a friend of mine posted a split screen with Biden and Trump that said the choice is really clear. With Criminal written on Trump's picture and Not a Criminal on Biden's. The first comment under it was that the labels were switched. I rolled my eyes, shook my head and snarked. "Oh was Biden just convicted of 34 felonies? You would think the news would have covered that." his reply was that "He's never convicted." I answered that there might be a reason for that. THEN at that moment I paid attention to the name of the person I was snarking at...oh shit. It was her father.
Oops.
As a rule I don't engage with my friend's family members. I am the only liberal in my generation. My siblings are all varying degrees of conservative. Brent's cousins are conservative. They know if they comment on my feed that they will be met with push back, usually by me, but often by friends. But I do remind people that these are my family members so watch how you speak to them. Argue, push back, but don't be rude. Now those of you who are on Facebook with me are thinking, I don't think I've seen your family post...that's because they all pretty much have me hidden. Bah, bah, black sheep, and all that...
But for me, because I know that you don't get to choose your family's politics I don't engage. I don't argue with them. Unless they argue first. If they comment on one of my comments I will step up. I used to argue religion with a friend's son quite frequently. I don't think he changed his mind, but she did so that's one more soul on my unsaved list. (Kidding, I don't actually have a list)
I was thinking about this again this morning, trying to decide if I should delete my snark, and started thinking about my parents.
It might sound odd to say, but I got my political beliefs from my father. Not my party. Not my feelings around conservatism or liberalism, but politics in general. When Reagan put Bork up for the Supreme Court my father, a staunch conservative, was not amused. It wasn't because of Bork's extreme conservative views, my dad would have been okay with that. It was because of Nixon. Bork stepped up and took over when Nixon's AG said he wouldn't fire the special prosecutor. Bork said, Sure thing! My father thought it was wrong. Deeply wrong. So Bork was unfit for the court in his opinion.
That was my father. Politically he might align with someone but if morally he did not then he had nothing for them. That's what I mean by my politics align with my father's. I don't vote straight party line tickets. I don't vote without at least trying to get an idea of who the person is. I believe in ethical voting. The belief that you should vote in a way that does the least harm. Right now that means I pretty much do vote straight Democratic party, because I believe right now the Republican party will do the most harm.
My father was an elder in our church. That's basically like the board of directors for a corporation. These were the men (always men) who would guide the church. When my sister was a teenager and was in her full moment of addiction, my father resigned his post. He said he did not have his own house in order and so could not in good faith claim to have any say in how God's house was run. I remember this being such a big moment for me personally in my feelings about my father, and my church.
Because it was a smaller church, we all knew who was trouble and who wasn't. My sister wasn't the only rebellious teen. So I expected a mass resignation after my dad. And it did not come. The elder whose son sold drugs to my sister stayed. Later the elder whose son tried to rape me dared to summon me to talk about my rebelliousness.
My father stood up and said, I am not upholding my part of the deal and so I resign. The rest of them did not.
Because my father's moral compass was set to true north.
I fully believe that it didn't have anything to do with faith, or a bible verse, or a religious conviction, it was just who my dad was. Yes, he was religious, but no, I don't think he needed that to do the right thing. He just did the right thing.
I remember when I was very little, like maybe 4 or 5 we lived in a townhouse complex and my sister, my middle brother and I were playing outside. There was a group of kids that did something, stole toys or pushed someone around, I can't remember for sure, I think it was stole toys. Well my father chased them down and made them come back to where we were, then stood all of us in a circle to tell our sides of what happened. Like 7 kids and my dad. He made everyone talk and then resolved the issue. I remember seeing those other kids and how scared they were, and then how surprised they were when nobody yelled (my parents NEVER yelled), nobody got hit, they just got talked to about how to be better. And as far as I remember they were better. Like everyone ended up friends.
That was my dad.
My mother used to say he was slow to anger but once you got him there he didn't let go. I like to think that he was that way because he was really measuring things. Is this worth it? Is this a reason to get mad or is this something I can solve? And is this someone who did a bad thing or is this someone who is bad? The former got a pass, a moment to change, the later, he was just done with you.
My mother had a flashier temper. She was quick to anger, but also quick to forgive. I used to joke that I got both pieces, I am quick to anger and I never forgive. It's more a joke, especially now, but it was pretty true when I was younger. I was a live wire and you better be careful getting too close.
My mother was also deeply religious, in fact we found out when Dad died that he hadn't been baptized into our church until their wedding day. You knew it was my mother who made it a prerequisite for the marriage. My dad might have loved god but he LOVED mom.
She was a Republican until the day she died.
But she didn't vote for Trump. She sure as hell didn't vote for Hillary but she couldn't bring herself to vote Trump. He was a terrible human in her eyes. And Gary Johnson gave her the off ramp she needed.
I know who she voted for because we talked about it. We talked politics often, even though it was incredibly frustrating. I'm sure for both of us. Being the youngest, being a woman, being raised by the same people as her other children, she could never understand where she had gone wrong. But I don't think she did. (obviously) I think she and Dad instilled a set of beliefs in me. A set of characteristics on judging other people. And I took those and looked at what I believed, and what I knew to be true in my heart and mind and went a different direction.
She also told me that she would vote for me if I ran for office. I told her I never could because I wouldn't sign off every speech with God Bless the USA. And she told me if I did I would be the first politician to pretend to believe in god. I laughed, and she told me that at least I would do what was right.
She had faith in me to do what was right even if I didn't believe in her religious reasons for why.
I didn't need them. I had her and I had Dad. They set my moral compass at true north.
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