What Do I Know...

I was reading my On This Day posts this morning and got to reread a few different "discussions" from over the years. Basically me arguing with men of a certain age. Specifically white men of a certain age. And noticing that very often they would get sort of indignant that even after stating their thoughts I didn't change mine. 

And being someone who is empathetic I could understand their frustration. They had been raised in a world where the arguments of old white guys had always carried more weight. And then suddenly they were in a world where that just doesn't automatically happen anymore. Women and people of color argue back and don't just bow down to their opinions. They must really feel cheated. 

Now, I'm empathetic not sympathetic. I can understand why they would feel so frustrated but I don't feel sorry for them that they do. Because the world they came up in changed while they were in the world. They had the option to change along with it and they didn't, or to just be different even before it changed (Brent has never fallen into that trap for instance). They didn't choose those options so instead they ended up in my feed arguing with me and getting more and more frustrated when I wouldn't just adopt their mindset. They had no real solid reasons why I should agree with them, or why what I was saying was incorrect, they just felt they were right and that should be enough. 

It wasn't. 

Today I also had one of those "Hey send me a friend request" scammers come back to my no with a "I'm just trying to be your friend" reply. Aside: For those of you that don't know, I answer those comments back. The ones that happen when you post on a public space and they think you're brilliant, or kind, or pretty, or funny or they are lonely widowers looking for someone to talk to or whatever they think will get you to send them a friend request or answer the one waiting for you in your inbox. I generally take one line out of their plea and use it as part of my no. Or I just say no. Because no is a complete sentence as well. 

But when he replied it was so much like the guys that follow you down the street when you don't respond to them or don't respond the way they want you to. "Hey! I'm being nice, slow down and talk to me!" And the not zero number of them that go from that to screaming at you about being a bitch or not even that pretty. It's a joy. 

When I posted about that a friend of mine made the joke asking if I had considered not being a woman on the internet. 

It's funny because it's true. Right now I have over 60 messages from strangers in my Facebook messenger spam filter most of them starting out with "Hello, beautiful." And I clean it out every once in awhile. And I would guarantee that at least of dozen of them have unsolicited pictures of their dicks. Though that might be fewer now since I think the bots are supposed to be trained to recognize them and block them completely, but considering the number of times I get back a message of "this doesn't violate our Ts&Cs" when reporting spam comments I am not willing to say they've caught all the dicks.

I don't reply to those because if you reply to a message then they can message you all the time and it doesn't end up in your spam filter where you don't see it unless you look. So if you go looking for messages, DON'T answer them. 

So how do these two things tie together? 

My friend who made the joke is not one of those types of guys. I thanked him for getting it. And he deflected the compliment and admitted to deflecting it because compliments make him uncomfortable. Imposter syndrome on steroids. 

So I shared some life advice. Take the compliment. Just say thank you and let it sit. 

And then commented that all of the wrong people have imposter syndrome. It would be nice if a few of the people I was arguing with in those past posts had a touch of doubt. They don't need full on imposter syndrome, but a touch of it wouldn't hurt. 

So what do I know?

I know that I'm not likely to change my position unless you bring a better argument than "because I'm a dude." 

I know that no is a full and complete sentence, even if they just want to be your friend. 

I know that thank you is hard to say sometimes without adding but here is why you shouldn't compliment me... But it's important. Just say thank you. And eventually, hopefully, believe the compliment as well. 

I know that I don't know a lot of things. And as long as I keep learning new ones, that's okay too.