I Am...

That's the Picture of the Day prompt. 

Originally I was going to post a picture of a chair with the comment I am...I said. Age check for my friends. 

But then I was talking to Brent about missing our glamour shots on hair days because I wasn't doing Selfie Saturday and we aren't going to as many sporting events right now. So I changed my musical reference and took a picture of us instead. 

BUT THEN... I saw Chantelle's post (she's the one I get the prompts from) and hers was tied to an assignment she got in high school. An instructor gave them a blank sheet of paper and told them to finish the sentence "I am..." without using their name, age or descriptions of themselves physically. She said at 16 it was really hard, and now at 43 it was even harder. But she did it. Sort of. She changed the rules a little on what she included, which you know I appreciate a rule bender, but she described who she is. 

So I thought, oh, I like that. But holy cow that would make for a long tag on a photo. So instead you get this. 

I am...

Denise Leann Mastenbrook née Clifton. I've been a Mastenbrook for over twice as long as I was a Clifton and I rarely ever think of myself as a Clifton anymore. But there are still people in the world who will refer to me as Denise Clifton. So that is still part of who I am.

I am 5'5.5" tall. That extra .5 inches has always been important. Not just because it makes it 555 which is just cooler than 55 but it made me taller than my sister. If you have a sister you get this. 

I am probably somewhere between 165 and 170 pounds. It was no weigh May and I didn't weigh myself this morning but I'm pretty sure it's in that range. I am also really uncomfortable telling you that because it's such a large number. But it is what I am right now. 

I am trying really hard to not equate that number with good or bad. I can run (slowly around 4.5 mph) for 30 minutes straight now which I couldn't do last year this time. I have increased my weights to using between 15 and 25 pounds now depending on the exercise so that's on its way back after my elbow procedure so I'm starting to refirm everything up and get my biceps line back to popping. As far as I know my blood work is all still good. I'll find that out in a couple of months when I get my annual physical near my birthday. So I am trying to make sure I focus on that and not that number.

Speaking of birthdays...I am 55 years and 9 months old. I think it's a shame that after a certain age we stop doing the quarters measurements for age. Like I'm 55 and 3/4. That excited looking forward to the next year stops happening and we start rounding down. I don't. I look great for almost 56, I look lousy for 45. 

I am vain. 

Because I am vain, I dye my hair a brilliant shade of red that make me super happy to see. I think it looks good with my pale skin and it covers up the fact that my hair isn't cooperating and turning all gray. It's just mixing in enough to make my brown look flat. So red it is. Someday I hope it's all that really shiny gorgeous silver I have in spots.

I am a wife and a mother. But those things have never really defined me. Like some people are really good at being a spouse. Like professional levels of spousing. I think I'm a good partner to Brent, I'm supportive, I've made it possible for him to do a lot of things that he wouldn't have been able to if he had been a single dad, but I'm not a TV show wife either. Same with being a mother. I think I've been a good mom for Katie, but as she once described me I was disinterestedly interested in her life. I wanted to know what she was doing, how she was doing, but I wasn't her best friend, I wasn't involved in the teenage drama to a granular level. I screwed up a LOT of things raising her but I also did a lot pretty darn well. So yeah, I am a wife and mother, but I'm not sure if that really helps to describe me. 

I'm bisexual. Adding that in for Pride Month. It doesn't really mean a lot because I am also monogamous. But who I am with now doesn't define who I find attractive. And it took a lot of years for me to claim that name. I knew it, Brent knew it, Katie knew it, but I sort of felt like if there was no struggle there was no parade, and since I've been married to a man for almost 37 years there was no struggle. I glide through life with people assuming I'm heterosexual so I don't get a lot of grief. I'm trying to make a bigger point of saying, no that's not who I am, so that people understand that this new found fear over the LGBTQIA2+ community is nonsense. 

I am politically outspoken. Liberal to my core. 

I am broken in a lot of ways but I'm also patched back up pretty well. You know if you break a bone the part where it heals is actually the strongest part right? That extra layer that builds around it protects it. That's sort of how I view myself. When I was younger there were a lot of parts that were broken, but now they are healed up and even if I might have a bit of a limp sometimes, I'm really fucking strong. 

I am a writer. Fiction and nonfiction. I love to create worlds and share them and also share how I see the world we all live in. 

I am also always learning and growing and changing. And that's one of my favorite things about myself. 

I am a lot more than just this, but I'm also a fan of women's soccer and the USWNT is playing right now so I am off to watch the game. 

That's some of who I am, so...

Who are you?