There You Have It...

Adult ADD Inattentive Type

So yeah, that's what I have. Add it to the list. Or I guess ADD it to the list. Oh I crack myself up.

I am not going to try the medication. At least not right now. I've got my regular check up in August and we will revisit it then, but for right now I'm going to think about it a little longer and then decide. 

The biggest reason why I'm waiting, okay, wait, there are a lot of reasons and I'll touch on a few here but the first thing that makes me want to wait is that it doesn't really hinder me much. 

Like, okay, things are probably harder for me in some areas than they are for other people. I'm absent minded, I'm easily distracted, I have to have things written down, and in multiple places for me to have a chance of remembering them. I am often hood sliding into appointments because I am an overly optimistic time estimator and think I always have enough time to do one more thing real quick. (Narrator voice, she does not)

But when we were going over the coping skills that can be of use to people with ADD that can be used either along with or instead of medication (and some people need the medication to even use the coping mechanisms)...well...I already do them. 

All of this time figuring out how my brain works, and why my brain works the way it does, I ended up crafting an ADD coping lifestyle without ever realizing that I have ADD. 

Even my goal setting is ADD friendly shit. 

Like the ADD/ADHD brain responds well to little pops of dopamine. Like reaching goals, checking off boxes, getting gold stars. That's something you can do to make it easier to accomplish items on your to do list. Oh well, hunh, what a great idea. Let me add that to my goals for the year. Make goals. CHECK and GOLD STAR!

Another reason why I'm hesitant to try the meds is that right now getting them is complicated. They are a controlled substance and as such you have to get a prescription for one month at a time. You have to have blood work at regular intervals. You have to agree to random drug testing to assure you aren't abusing them. And there are massive shortages right now so getting them isn't guaranteed even with a prescription. The government is overreacting to how badly they handled the opioid epidemic by making it difficult for people who need Ritalin to get it. I'm not sure I want to go through the hassle with something that will just make it easier to do what I'm already doing. 

Because that's the real trick. The drugs don't cure ADD or ADHD. They just make it easier to handle. Like dampening down the constant buzz and distraction, which in a way sounds great, but in another I'm not sure it does. 

My brain is who I am. For almost 56 years that constant buzz, that in search of shiney, that oh what's this, this looks interesting, beat of the drum is who I have been. And I've figured out how to make that work for me. So what happens if I turn that down? Who am I if I'm not who I have been? And if it's not just a you gain some control, but still have all the awesome parts...well. I'm just not sure I need it.

And that's another piece. It's a stimulant. That's what the ADD drugs are. So yeah, that's cool. Extra energy but a side effect is insomnia. Oh hell no. And another is addiction. It's speed. 

My sister was addicted to speed when she was abusing me. 

I am not sure I could ever relax into taking the meds without that being a constant drumbeat in my head. Addiction addiction addiction. 

Though another side effect is weight loss so you know, maybe I could get over it. 

Just kidding...

sort of.

But anyway, bottom line time:

I am still considering the medication and can change my mind in August when I go in for my annual physical. 

And I am a goddamn genius who created a whole ADD coping routine without knowing I had ADD. 

So give me a gold star and let's keep moving on with life!