Hard Things...

Today marks one month since a friend of mine lost her son. She talked about how it doesn't seem possible that it's been a month. How she still wasn't sure how she was supposed to go forward in the world. 

Today marks 13 years since Dad died. It's the worst of the anniversaries. It will always fall on Mom's birthday, that's always going to be a part that sucks. But it only falls on Father's Day every few years. When it happens it's just almost too much.

Father's Day and Mother's Day, for that matter, are hard for people who don't have a relationship with their parents for whatever reason. Either it wasn't good to start or they have passed. There is a constant barrage of ads and reminders leading up to the day and then on the day your social media is filled with people honoring their parents. 

I am not of the ilk that thinks you should stop doing that, by the way. When I see people asking for you to keep in mind how hard it is for others and maybe keep it private I roll my eyes. My grief is not your issue. Don't force someone else to be sad because you are. That's just nonsense. 

But it's still hard. 

But it gets easier. 

And I posted about that a couple of years ago and shared it again today. Grief doesn't go away but you learn how to carry it. You will always miss the people you have lost, but there comes a time where it doesn't wreck you out of the blue. Where even if you tear up at breakfast because you didn't get enough sleep and it just all feels really sad, you just tear up and then take a breath and move on. Allegedly, that might happen. Hypothetically...you know just as an illustration. 

But because I posted about being able to learn to carry your grief my friend who just lost her son took some comfort. Even though she is still in the stuck part of mourning. The part where every breath hurts. Where every day feels like the day before and they all suck. Today she looked at my post and saw the light at the end of tunnel. Not her light, not yet, but mine. She saw that if you just keep moving forward eventually you actually move instead of slogging in place. 

And that's where I think social media helps. It helps you comfort those that need it, even when you don't realize that's what you are doing. It helps you show that things can get better even when they suck. 

I don't curate my posts. I don't pretend that I am 100% awesome all of the time. I share the suckage. I share when things aren't going the way I expected them to. Even if my problems seem silly or inconsequential. And especially when they seem massive and impossible. I want your help. And I also want you to see me moving forward. Hanging on. Learning to carry the grief.

Even when you have years like we did from 2019 through 2020 where it felt like I needed a giant wheeled trolley to carry all of the emotional baggage. Whatever it takes to get you through to the next day. And because I had that wheeled trolley, I can now lend it to you. 

We can do the hard things. We can move through the hard times. We just have to keep moving. Learning how to carry those memories with us.

And leaning on those that made it through. 

I hope your Father's Day is a good one. No matter if you celebrate, or if you don't. I hope whatever memories it brings up for you you are able to process and either enjoy or acknowledge the suck and move forward. I know it can be complicated for some. I know it's straightforward for others. Whatever the day brings you, I hope by the evening you know peace. 

The next time all of the dates align it will be 19 years since Dad died and I have to imagine it will be even easier to manage then. Here's to the next time. Just keep moving forward.