I sort of feel like Facebook has taken over the whole "Your life flashes before your eyes when you die" moments. I think that's what the On This Day timeline feels like at times. Or maybe the old TV show This Is Your Life, but through your own updates.
Today on my On This Day I talked about the Loving decision, which granted happened before my life started, but just barely. That was the oldest remembrance. Then it all gets personal and more recent.
Fourteen years ago today Katie graduated from high school. I have all of the pictures from that day and this past week has been pictures and memories about the senior day picnic and honors. She was the outstanding math student of her class. The instructors talking about the award recipient before saying her name talked about how brilliant she was how they had searched for another word to describe her but they all kept coming back to that. Proud mom moment. I can't share any of the photos or posts because that person doesn't really exist anymore. She phrased it the other day that now there is a split in her timeline, it's like she got dropped into a life with a whole bunch of another person's memories. Which, you know I've written a few short stories like that, but this is her existence now. Going from being disconnected with herself, to connecting her mind and her body, but also now being disconnected from her past.
Thirteen years ago I was talking to Brent's cousin about their upcoming visit. I had planned out a pretty cool itinerary. Like a sampler platter of the area. Some Portland things, some things on the coast, I think something on Mt. Hood. I don't remember what all was in the plan. Partly because I didn't end up going with them. As I read the conversation about being excited to see them I heard the narrator voice saying, "She did not see them." We are just a few days out from the 13th anniversary of my father's death. Instead of visiting with the cousins having a fun Oregon is great weekend I left Katie and Brent to entertain up here and flew down to New Mexico to grieve.
Ten years ago. Let me backup, a few days ago was the "oh, you knew" moment for this one. I posted about being excessively hormonal or maybe the insomnia was taking a strong toll because I had dropped George off at the vet to get checked out and I got all teary eyed about it. Today (ten years ago) we got the test results back. He was in kidney failure. We had one more thing we could try to see if we could save him, but I know, because I'm in the future, that it did not work and we are just a few days away from letting him go.
Eight years ago. The Pulse shooting. This one isn't as personal, but it is still pretty personal. Nobody I know was there. I do know people who knew people who were there. I know people who had been there at other times. But my people weren't in danger. That night. But it sure seemed like a harbinger to me. I talked about how all of the uptick in anti-trans and general homophobia was going to lead to more of these things if we weren't able to quash it all soon. But we did not quash. Instead it's spread and gotten official stamps of approval.
Florida is on our list of places we will not travel because of how strong their anti LGBTQIA+ bullshit is. And it's not just Florida. And it has gotten even more pervasive. We aren't seeing random gunmen shooting people in clubs every weekend, but we are seeing massive amounts of legislation being passed in every conservative state. We are seeing people so hateful toward the community that our fake corporate allies are no longer even willing to fake it. We are seeing an uptick in hateful language online. In Pride events being cancelled or scaled back. The Pulse shooting was a volley. And instead of stopping it, the Right embraced it.
As far as life flashing in front of your eyes moments go, this is not the day I would choose. I mean Katie's graduation is the closest to a happy memory, but can it really be a happy memory for me when I now know how she views it? Not really. It's a bittersweet memory at best.
So although I did get to see my life flash before my eyes today, I'd like a redo. Let's pick another day. Or series of days.
I wonder if that will be the next upgrade from Facebook. Curate your life flash memories.
I bet they are already working on it...
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