Try It...

I mentioned briefly that I am going to try the medication for ADD. But what I should have said is that I'm going to try to try the medication for ADD. 

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday to talk to her about starting it. My thoughts on it are that there is no harm in trying. If I find it improves my life, then I keep taking them, if I find that it doesn't, then I don't. Easy enough. 

But I don't have an easy enough doctor. I have a "let's look at all of the options of what else it could be and see if you really need medication."

Which normally I'm all for. I have chosen medical professionals throughout my life, and Katie's, that lean toward other solutions rather than shove a pill at it. So normally I'm all in on not taking medication. I don't take antibiotics unless it's actually necessary. I don't take pain killers unless I am beyond the threshold where I can manage it myself (like when I got the elbow procedure done, I took the pain pills!)

But when I've decided that I'd like to try medication it gets frustrating that I can't just get it. Like how long it took me to get estrogen. I keep hearing about these doctors just handing out medication like candy and how we live in an overly medicated world where you can just get a pill for anything and everything. And yet...

Today I had a blood draw to check my thyroid, some vitamin levels, and something else. She also sent me home with a multi page questionnaire/self evaluation to fill out. I told Brent that the first step to getting a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD is if you remember to bring back the questionnaire to your follow up appointment. Of course, I've had it for three days now and I haven't filled it in yet even though I've picked it up and looked at multiple times so that's probably another clue, though there isn't a space to fill in "How many days did it take you to do your homework? Did you wait until a half hour before your follow up appointment?"

There was also the moment where I described all of my symptoms and she said, "Do you think your insomnia causes them all?" 

And I can't really argue with that. During bad insomnia stretches everything is harder for sure. And yes, lack of sleep leads to difficulty in concentration and forgetfulness and being twitchy and all of the other things. So I think she's going to write it all off to the insomnia and that will be that. 

Which, that's fine, in a way. I mean I am only exploring this avenue and if this isn't for me then it won't go anywhere. 

Though she also suggested I find a counselor to talk to about my insomnia because "sometimes a sleep therapist works" and I am sure that sometimes it does. Especially for people who can't sleep because they have anxiety or can't shut their brains down or have gone through some sort of trauma that prevents them from sleeping. But I just don't sleep. I've read so much about insomnia and sleep patterns and I've tried almost all of the natural supplements and I am still where I am. I've got a system that works for me. And often when I try something new it actually fucks that system up and I end up worse off trying to claw my way back. So when I told her I wasn't actually interested in that she was sort of insulted. 

"These are your symptoms, and this could help. You came to me for help."

"I did. And I will consider it."

Which I mean, sure I'm considering it. (I just rolled my eyes)

And I know it's horrible to completely dismiss what your doctor is telling you, but sometimes you really do have to know yourself. And my insomnia is baked in. It's part of my system. There are a lot of us out there who have broken sleep patterns (broken meaning: I sleep for a few hours, I'm awake for a few hours, I sleep lightly for a few hours) and it's normal. I'm not willing to completely abandon my sleep routine and start again so it's either dismiss her suggestion or pay a sleep counsellor to dismiss theirs.

And that's actually the biggest moment I had to overcome to even go to her for the ADD meds in the first place. One of the side effects for some people is insomnia. That worries me just a bit. But I'm willing to try and see. I figure if I get that side effect and it doesn't fade away quickly (some of the side effects last only for a few days) then I will just stop. 

That's the whole let's try this and see part I have in my head. 

But I'm not sure I will be trying them. 

I guess we will see. 

Follow up appointment set for Monday.