A Little Brag...A Little Confession...

Let's start with the brag part. One of my goals (even when I wasn't calling them goals, just things I wanted to do) was to run a 5K this year. Like run the whole distance of a 5K. I've done out in the wild 5Ks before, fun run/walk type things, but I wanted to run for 3.1 miles straight. 

Today I did. 

Woo!

I'm really proud of myself. Came in 5 months ahead of the deadline. I'm not fast, I did it all at between 4.6 and 5.0 mph, it took me 43 minutes to go 3.24 miles (a little cool down and a little warm-up tacked on there, very little) and I was pretty sure I was going to die the last half mile or so. 

My next goal will be to do it without feeling that way. 

And then to get just a little faster. 

I'll never be a speed demon, and I don't really want to be, but to be able to do it a little faster would be nice. 

That's my brag. My set your mind to it and you can reach your silly little goals. 

And I did it today, not just because I thought I was pretty close to being able to, but because I have not exactly excelled on the social media break this year. 

I've sort of taken a break. 

And here are my excuses:

Threads is tied to Instagram. Like when I post on Instagram, which is what I do during these little breathers, the Threads of people I follow are highlighted. And I thought, well, I just was taking a break from Facebook right? So I'll use Insta and Threads. That's fine. And then the world has just gone to shit over and over and over this month. Like so much has happened in just one month. And I realized that I use social media to feel like I'm not losing my mind. To see that there are other people out there that are seeing what I am seeing. 

Which, of course, is the positive and the negative about social media, right? That it's easy to make your own bubble of people who think just like you and block out everyone else. And that can lead to a lot of circular damage when the wrong people find each other. Some pockets of the internet are just large groups of the worst people who don't realize they are the worst because everyone around them is saying the same things. 

And we all sort of do it. We cultivate our friend lists and our follows and our media to make sure that all of it is what we want it to be. And I'm not saying that's the wrong thing to do. I'm really not. I think that a lot of that is super healthy. I don't abide by rudeness in my life face to face, I'm not going to abide by it online. Threads is a block and hide automatically with a lot of comments that I see. Especially as the trolls and the bots have found their way there and are "just asking" a lot of questions. 

So...while the world was just going absolutely batshit the other really handy thing that Meta has done now is if I'm in Insta they show me how many comments I have waiting on Facebook. I cannot not check them without feeling like there is an itch in the deepest part of my brain that needs scratched. So I would check. And then check in on my feed, just the highlights of what people are doing. I mean, I miss all of you. And what if something important happens like Skippy gets another horse or something? I can't miss that! 

So I've done a lot of reading but no commenting. And I've limited my time down pretty hard. Check on some friends, peek at Cynthia's latest series of drawings, check to see if Kate is posting PoD still, mostly quick scroll until I see a picture, which is basically just like using Instagram right?? 

Like I said, those are my excuses. 

And the last one. Social media both makes me crazy and quiets the crazy in my head. It's a double edged sword. And this month there has been so much going on that my head has been racing. I really felt the need to see how people were reacting, and also to see how people were living their normal lives. But I did refrain from commenting on anything. 

Which kept me from telling more than one person to go fuck themselves. 

So that's actually really good. 

But it also let me see when someone would ask me a question and I couldn't answer them without blowing my cover, and totally giving up on the whole break so I had to let those just sit, which is not great. It makes me feel so rude! But there is post telling people I'm away right now, and other people can always let them know, and I will go back and try to answer everyone, and...

This has not been the month to try and take a break. 

In a way it seems like the perfect month to do it. So much craziness has happened and people have, at times, lost their damn minds. But it only would have been a good break if I had just shut it all down and not looked at anything at all. Like not just no social media at all, but no media period. Like completely unaware of the news. Which would be a really hard thing to do and not something I'm really interested at this point. 

I really want to know what everyone's thinking and how they are dealing and what the rest of world is seeing when they look at the US right now and...

So I absolutely nailed the 5K goal and there are areas for me to make that even stronger. 

I did not, am not, nailing the social media diet, but that's okay too. It's given me a little bit of space. It's prevented me from going ballistic on people for their incredibly stupid and selfish takes (yeah, I will have to avoid going back and finding those posts, apparently). It's let me look without thinking everyone needs my opinion. So maybe what I've really done is given everyone else a break. Which is really goddamn wonderful of me, when you come down to it.

I'm a giver.

It's what I do.

Eight more days of Social Media lurking. We both know I'm not going to stop looking now that I've already started. I'll just keep not commenting on Facebook for awhile and keep that peaceful and calm. 

It's okay not to reach your goals. It happens. You get to choose how you feel about it. Was it a bad goal for you? Or a bad goal for you right then? Or just unrealistic? Or maybe even it was a goal that you didn't realize wasn't a great idea for you. 

I do need to take breaks from social media. I do need to watch my consumption of it. I do need to figure out balance. But I need the world to calm the fuck down a little to help me out. 

I have a feeling that's not going to happen for a few more months. 

So I think the best I can offer myself right now is wait before you comment. 

Even when people need to be told to fuck right off with that bullshit...