They're Just Words...

I was a pretty smart kid. I was reading by the age of two. And once I started reading I never stopped. I was the kid reading the back of the cereal boxes at breakfast. I've read a lot of the car manuals that used to reside in everyone's glove boxes. I always had a book and a spare book when I was traveling. Now with my Kindle and the Kindle app I have a library at my fingertips at all times. 

Voracious is the word that was most often used. 

I was a voracious reader. 

But being a voracious reader at a young age did not stop me from being a child as well. And a child who believed that if it was in a newspaper it had to be true. Which was a problem considering my mother bought The Globe, The Star and The National Enquirer every time there was a new issue out. I honestly believed that Elvis was still alive, that aliens walked among us and that celebrities were doing whatever those articles said they were doing. 

When I realized (somewhere in my tween or teen years) that these articles were completely made up I was really mad. Mad that they were allowed to do it. Mad that my mother bought them and brought them into the house. Mad that I had been dumb enough to believe it. Though I eventually gave myself grace for that last one. I wasn't dumb, I was naive, I was uninformed. As for my mother? She believed a lot of it and thought that there wasn't any harm in the rest. I would ask her which parts she decided to believe and she said the true ones. 

Looking back later it was much like our break on religion. She believed the true parts and disregarded the rest (though she would tell you it was all true). I felt like either it was all true or none of it was true (though I will say you can take isolated stories and use the messages from them). 

I write now. Not only here but I'm known to do a rant or two on my Facebook status. And more than once I've had those shared. Either the blog itself or my status update. Now because of my privacy settings there it has to be a copy and paste. And some people will share it with "My friend Denise wrote this and I agree so..." or they will just post it as if it were their own words. I've even had statuses that were shared and reshared through those friends. My words loose in the wild. 

Because people agreed with what I'd written. 

Because it struck a chord with them. 

And that's great. It means that a message I thought was important enough to write about is getting spread further. Amplified. 

What we say matters. 
What we amplify matters.

Words fucking matter.

So when I see someone try to justify something as "It was just a joke." or "It was a meme" or "It was just a retweet" as if that doesn't mean you just spread something, dishonest, hateful, wrong it makes me furious. 

I'd like to say it just bothers me a little, but it doesn't, it makes me furious. 

It's just so disingenuous. 

If you didn't believe it you wouldn't say it. You wouldn't make the joke. You wouldn't share the meme. You wouldn't retweet the post. Words matter. 

And you know that. 

The defensive posturing of "it's only" comes in because you are being a chicken shit and trying to couch your bullshit in deniability. So miss with me with that. 

I don't care if you're famous or if you have two people who follow your messages. You have a responsibility for what you share. What you post. What you retweet. What you meme. That's on you. And if someone calls you on it you need to own that. Not try and weasel out of it with "I just...."

You just spread bullshit into the world and someone called you on it. That's what you just...

And for fuck's sake do no defend people by using those excuses either. They just retweeted something they didn't even add a comment. THE RETWEET IS THE COMMENT. Retweeting, reposting, repeating something is saying, "I agree with this" or "I think this is something you should see" IF you are sharing something because there is an idea in there that you agree with but there are also things you don't then you clarify that at the time of posting. 

I've done that. Shared opinion pieces where I've said something like, "I disagree with this point but I think there is something interesting about that point." It's important to clarify. If there is a message that you feel needs addressed, or that you think is an interesting take on something that you hadn't ever considered then you highlight that. It's your responsibility. 

And I know we live in a society that doesn't want there to be responsibility for actions or words or choices. Instead of demanding people take responsibility for what they said we rail against cancel culture. We whine that nobody can take a joke instead of saying why should I take any shit from you? Just because you are laughing at me doesn't mean I have to think it's funny. We want all of the rights of free speech and none of the responsibility that goes along with it. 

Your right to free speech means the government isn't censoring you or jailing you or having you executed for what you are saying. And even that isn't absolute. There are limits that have been reaffirmed over and over again on areas where free speech doesn't cover you. You can't incite a riot or political violence. 

Your responsibility around speech is that you don't spread bullshit and lies and hate. When I call you out on it, I'm not canceling you. I'm calling you out. I'm not a snowflake who can't handle the truth, I'm a fucking ice pick who can't stand the lies. 

Stop playing victim about something that you did yourself. Stop defending people who are doing it to themselves. And for the love of all that you hold dear stop being an asshole about what you post. 

It's not that other people are too sensitive, it's that you posted bullshit. 

It's not that you just put it out there and it's up to everyone else what they think, it's that you spread manure across a path and told people it wasn't your fault if they walked in it. 

It's not just a meme. It's not just a joke. It's not just a retweet. Words fucking matter. 

Use them wisely.

And when you post something that you honestly didn't realize was: transphobic, homophobic, antisemitic, racist, sexist, misogynistic, bigoted, and someone points it out to you then you apologize. You can even say in your apology that you didn't realize but now that someone has let you know you are sorry to have caused pain, even accidentally. You don't have to get defensive and claim you aren't; a transphobe, homophobe, antisemite, racist, sexist, misogynist, bigot. You might not be, or you might be. But what you posted is the problem, so fix that problem. Stop being such a fucking snowflake.

That's your responsibility. 

Did I mention it makes me furious?