WARNING

Okay, you all know I don't usually give trigger warnings. In fact you know I don't like them at all. I've talked about it a lot. That for the style of writing I do a trigger warning could absolutely wreck the story. Ruin the twist. Give away the ending. They don't work for how I write. 

I also don't like them because I think they can make anxiety worse. For instance we saw Jagged Little Pill last week and there was a trigger warning (quite a few warnings actually) about sexual assault. So I knew it was coming. And I worried in almost every scene, was this it? What this the person who was assaulted? Was this the person who assaults someone? Are they going to show the assault or just talk about it? How traumatic will it be? Did I bring tissues? Is it going to trigger a new round of nightmares?

So not only was there the actual event and fall out there was the added bonus of knowing it was coming and laying that over everything else. 

And I get it for a lot of people they don't want to be reminded of trauma and a trigger warning would save them. But for me? It just makes it worse. 

So I tend to not use them. 

Except today I am.

I told you all that I write to process and that I would be writing about Kevin for a long time. Today is no exception. Except it is. 

The problem with being friends with a writer is that they write. Every situation that you are in with them gets tucked away and used. It could be something as simple as an expression on your face or how you order your coffee, but it all becomes something else. The short story I'm writing today could not have been more tailor made for me as a writing prompt if someone had tried. I'm not even going to change Dana and my names. I mean, partly because I fucking hate making up names, but partly because she's going to recognize the conversation anyway so why try to pretend? I mean, honestly when we were having it she was probably thinking, "oh this is a Denise writing prompt for sure."

And it's not going to be the last time this happens. 

Another mutual friend of ours wrote about Kevin that he had inspired a character in one of her books. I could see that. I've written characters that had a lot of his traits as well. I am sure that he will pop up in a lot of my future stories. And probably Dana's as well. He would fit in her fictional universes perfectly. Because Kevin was the best character in real life. He just was. And the Kevin Architype will live on in the fiction of his friends.

But this piece? This coming short story? It's probably too soon. And it's fictionish. I mean it's going to start with an actual event and I will be filling in people's feelings and thoughts. Like anything I credit to Dana thinking is just me living in her head for a bit. So don't blame her. 

I could save it for later. I could tuck it away for a more appropriate time. I could try not to offend people who will think it's too soon to turn an aspect of his death into fodder for fiction. But anyone who is worried about other people being too soft and easily offended didn't really understand him anyway. So...

Or I could just be justifying it. 

Or I could believe in a part of my brain that he gifted me this. I needed one last fiction piece to reach my goal. This is in my wheelhouse so firmly that if you know what I am talking about you already know how it ends before I've even written a word. (the problem with trigger warnings) I know it's not logical at all but it feels right. 

It feels like as I was debating it a gravel throated voice said, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. We think we're fucking hilarious."

And we do. 

It won't be the last time he shows up. But next time I'll change his name. Maybe he'll become Mac. Nobody would get that connection right?