Dead Days...

I am glad to see that Día de Muertos is starting to get more recognition across the United States. 

But I am a little concerned.

This year I saw three articles on how people weren't replacing Halloween with el día de los muertos celebrations. And I was like...well yeah. Why would you? They aren't the same thing. 

And then a celebrity I follow posted a picture of an ofrenda and message about who he was remembering that day. And someone in the comments came in to "actually..." him about the correct day. "Actually it's not November 1, it's November 2 and I know this because..."

Well, actually, it's two days. And even then it's not all that simple. 

It's a cultural holiday that shifts depending on who is doing the celebrating. Where I grew up the people are a mix of Mexican, Spanish and Native American. So most holidays there have a Mexican, Spanish and Native American blend as well. This one included. 

Originally it was a blending of Mexican traditions from the Aztec culture being melded into the Spanish religious holidays of All Saints Day and All Souls Day. Though nobody knows if it really was an Aztec thing or if that was just a push back on the Spaniards pushing their culture on their colonies. 

That happens even to this day. Look at the Norse Mythology and practice of Paganism there. It's actually not a continuous line from Vikings to today. It was abandoned then picked back up in like the 70s. So much for an ancient religion!

So anyway...

In some places the first is for remembering children who have passed and the second is for adults. There are also people who start as early at the 28th (I could be wrong about the date and don't feel like looking it up, but you are free to do so and to correct me if I have the wrong date!) to remember those who died from suicide. It also goes as late as November 6th. Basically the end of October through the first week of November is fair game. 

People celebrate in different ways. The main difference between the catholic All Saints and All Souls and the Mexican Día de Muertos is tone. Catholics have mass and the pomp and seriousness that goes along with that. There are prayers that go with the day. Traditions like visiting the cemetery to tidy up gravesites. With el día de los muertos celebrations there are parades and ofrendas and visiting the cemetery. Oh hey, wait! There's some more overlap. But tidying up happens after the party with that one. 

The reason I love the celebration is because it was something I recognized and related to. 

My mother loved to picnic in cemeteries. Right now a lot of you are like, oh that's why she is the way she is. And that's not it. I mean, okay, that's not JUST it. But yeah, that's partly it.

She didn't do it to be macabre or anything. She wasn't a goth goddess ahead of her time. She just hated rest stops. See, when we would travel to and from Iowa in the summer we drove. And we would eat packed lunches on the trip. She felt like rest stops were generally dirty and busy and unsafe. But cemeteries? They were always well kept up. They were quite. They were usually nice and green with places you could find a nice shade tree. So we picnicked in the cemetery.

On the way back home we always stopped at the one where my sisters and brother are buried and had family lunch. It absolutely informed the way I think about death and dying. There was nothing there to be scared of. Cemeteries weren't places of horror stories for me. They were green spaces on the road where you could grab a quiet picnic lunch. And maybe say hey to your siblings. 

So the idea of a day just to visit with family that had already died? Going to the cemetery and setting up an ofrenda? (I know there is a mix, I set mine up in my house as do a lot of people, but a common place to set up your marigolds and put out your treats is on their headstone) I recognized this as part of my own culture. My midwest very white parent's culture. And another blend happened. 

When we moved to San Diego the celebrations were a little different. Less Spanish influence. Less Native American flavoring. More straight up Mexican flair. But still very much the same basic tone. Marigolds and sugar skulls and a lot of color. We saw a really cool parade with lowriders draped in marigold garlands leading GIANT skeleton puppets in beautiful dresses (La Catrina). 

The makeup in my current Facebook profile picture (one of the best makeup filters I ever tried) is calaveras painting. Calavera is skull. So I'm done up in the decorative sugar skull style. But what I was taught when I grew up was you only do half your face. It's a reminder of both. We are living but are honoring the dead. Some people do full face makeup and it's also beautiful. Just another sign of how it depends on who you learned your traditions from on how you do them. Think about any holiday, it's always that way. Every family has their own way of doing things.

But this is where the concern I mentioned comes in. 

If you weren't raised celebrating and you want to start, often you read an article, or see something cool and decide to pick it up. But then you think that article you read, or that show you watched is the authority on HOW IT'S DONE. And you end up correcting someone who is celebrating and remembering their dead on the 1st instead of the 2nd. Hey, you! Honoring your loved one! You're doing it wrong!!

Please don't do that. Know that like any other holiday celebration tradition family graveyard picnic we will all do it slightly different. And that's okay. 

For me? I'll mark the day on the 1st, keep up my ofrenda until the 2nd, and remember my dead every chance I can get. 

Happy Día de Muertos, say hi to your great grandmother for me...