Reconsider...

The saying is that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. I'm not sure about that. I've had a couple of near death experiences and that didn't happen for me. Maybe because it wasn't my time? But I think maybe because people have gotten the experience wrong. 

I think when someone else dies your life starts to play out in your head. I think, especially if the person was young, or you were close, or it was unexpected, or all of those things, you start to take stock of your own life. 

That's where the whole bucket list idea came from right? People realizing they aren't going to live forever and there were things they wanted to do. That movie of their life wasn't complete. They wanted some more scenes.

Or more peace. 

Or more love.

Or less stress. 

I think when someone else dies you get really reflective and cannot help but look at your own life. If you died tomorrow what would you regret?

What can you change right now to make it better?

I re-evaluate all of the time. It's not really a new thing for me. You all know that. I do not live an unexamined life. But even so there are things that I put on the back burner, or I let slide, or I talk myself into or out of. Either doing them or not doing them. 

But death changes things. 

Especially when it's unexpected. 
And the person is young.
And you were close. 

It makes you stop and look at what you are doing. 

Partly because grief is like molasses. It slows everything down. Giant chunks of time just ooze by while you sit and stare at a wall. 

And all of that slowed down time makes you think about what you are happy about breaking you out of your ruminations and what you are pissed about doing the same. 

So I've been thinking about things. 

The people who light up my soul. And the people who make my stomach burn with acid. 

Things that make my face open up and soften. Things that make my face do that my face thing.

I have known for awhile that I was craving a change to my routines. That I needed to let some things go, and to embrace some others. 

I just got a brutal reminder that it would be a good idea to live the life I want while I have the chance. 

Looking ahead at 2023. Maybe not so much goals as just changes. 

More of this. 
Less of that.

Life is short. Sometimes it's much shorter than we had planned. 

Time to get moving.