Final Resolutions...

 Planning?

Holiday Visitations...

 Christmas Eve Story

Forwarding Addresses...

 

Tis the season...

Homecoming Christmas...

 "Are you heading home for Christmas?"

"I am home."

"You know what I mean. Back to your hometown. Are you going back this year?"

"I don't think so. I think I'm going to go back for New Year's Eve this year. Let things clear out and calm down first."

"Won't your folks be upset?"

"Nah, not as long as I make it back sometime. My mother will fuss a little bit about it not being the same and she will be upset I won't be there to be fixed up with whatever poor guy she's picked out for me, but she'll get over it as long as I show up for New Year's Eve."

"How about your brother? Will he be mad that you're putting all the holiday pressure on him?"

"My brother? Are you kidding? He's so busy this time of year he can hardly see straight. A visit after Christmas will be perfect for him. And it will give me a chance to meet the latest girlfriend."

"Oh? Is he seeing someone?"

"Now? I'm not sure. It's probably just at the seeing each other around town stage right now, but by then? Sure he'll be deeply in love with Holly or Noelle or Carol or Eve or..."

"Oh come on! They aren't always named something like that."

"Aren't they though? I mean, maybe not their real names, but the one they tell him is always something like that. My favorite was Vixen. She knew what she was after and made it happen without any shame."

"Does it bother him?"

"Nah. I mean, eventually he will find someone and settle down, but for now he's fine playing Christmas Fantasy Man. And if he ever decides to move any big city he's got contacts in Real Estate, Law and Publishing just to name a few. I mean, his network of Christmas Girlies is vast."

"Is that what you call them?"

"I do. I mean, it sounds derogatory, but in a way I envy them. They found a way to cosplay their favorite movies and have their own December to Remember. None of them really want to stay in a small town in Vermont and work the Christmas Tree farm year round, but for a few weeks in December, maybe a little bit of January? It's fun. It's fairly harmless. I mean as long as everyone knows what's going on. And Nick has always seemed to be aware that he was a prop not a real proposal."

"But he really is a good guy and they really would be lucky to have him."

"For sure. I mean, I'm biased, he's my baby brother after all, but he is a good guy. He's good looking. He's honest. He's a hard worker. He's named Nick and runs a Christmas Tree farm. I mean, if he isn't perfect he's darn close. And eventually someone will snatch him up and probably make him start going by his middle name, at least during December."

"Ha! That would be hilarious. My names Ni...I mean Abner."

"Well, yeah, his middle name isn't Abner but that would work too. He could always hire an apprentice. The pay isn't great, but the perks are fun. But how about you? Are you staying here or heading back to your hometown?"

"I'm staying too. Hey, since you are in town did you want to come to our celebration? We're having a bunch of people over. The mixed group of don't want to be alones, but don't want to go homes. We start on Christmas Eve with a potluck dinner, white elephant gift exchange, board games until drop, pajama party sleep in, then Gary's famous cinnamon rolls for Christmas breakfast."

"Oh my gosh, that sounds perfect and I think I might not ever go back to Vermont for Christmas again as long as you are hosting that!"

"Great! I'll put you on the food list. We pick randomly out of a hat who brings what, so cross your fingers it's something you like to make!"

"Cross your fingers I get dessert, I mean, I did help run the bakery after all."

"Oh my gosh that's right! Maybe I'll just slip a little note on the list, Joy is bringing cookies"

"Julie."

"Oh, that's right, I totally forgot you were going by your middle name now."

"Especially this time of year."

"Especially."

Books Chapter 23...

 Books Chapter Twenty Two

“Oh no!”

“Why oh no? I think that was great. He was pretty slick getting her to back down from attacking him because of his name. And we even got a plug for the event…oh no!”

“Exactly! It’s sold out. People can’t just stop by. Hopefully nobody will think they can. I don’t want to make anybody mad. Do you think that people will just stop by?”

“Okay, even if they do, how many people would it be? It’s a local TV show in the middle of the morning so how many people are even watching to start. And the event starts in an hour. Most people will check a website before they head out and our website clearly shows that it’s sold out. It will be fine. I’m sure of it.”

“Okay, you’re probably right. And we can always ask him to sign a few extra copies just incase somebody does stop by and…”

“Breathe. Just take a deep breath. It will all be fine. We’ve done this before. You know what to do. You have this.”

“You’re right. It’s just that this is so many more people than we’ve done before. And I want it to go really well.”

They had held events for each of Ellie’s new releases and they had gotten bigger and bigger each time. But Ellie had always wanted to keep the numbers fairly small. Even though she was able to sell out much larger event spaces for readings now, she wanted to feel as though she was reading to just friends when she was in Gloria’s store.

Peter wanted to have the biggest event he could have in the space. He only wanted to do one reading and signing instead of a full book tour. He had no plans to write another book ever. He hadn’t really planned on writing this one, but Ellie had convinced him he could reach more people this way than just through the outreach program of the charity they had set up. She reminded him that there were people who could do a lot of good in the world who would never join a group to do so.

Gloria was also sure that there were people who had signed up to listen to Peter who had done so hoping to see Ellie. She would never say that out loud to Peter, but honestly, he probably already knew. He was never intimidated by how successful Ellie’s writing career was. All of them had known she would be huge. Gloria was her original fan, but Peter and Jade had been there since college. You couldn’t help but fall in love with her worlds.

Owning a bookstore hadn’t been her original plan but looking back over her life she thought there was no other ending that would have felt as right. Every good thing in her life had come to her through books. Either reading them, recommending them, learning not to judge someone by the one they carried, or hitting someone in the face with them.

Today during Peter’s signing she and Jade would be announcing their own contribution to making the world what they wanted it to be. They would be starting up a free book program. Modeled after Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library they would be working with local groups to make sure every kid had books of their own. She and Jade had dreams of eventually having a scholastic book fair type set up with books, posters, and games for the kids to choose from. But for now, it was a selection of books that had been donated. New books. With plenty of choices.

Every good thing in her life had come to her through books. She couldn’t wait to pass that along.

“Uh, hon?”

“Yeah?”

“Does that look like more people that we were expecting?”

Gloria looked out the window and saw a massive line forming in the parking lot. Definitely more than they were expecting.

The bell on the back door rang as Ellie and Peter arrived.

Ellie called out, “We’re here! The interview went well! Did you see it?”

“We’re up here. I think we might have a problem.”

Ellie’s eyes widened, “Does the store really hold that many people?”

“No, it doesn’t. I think there were a lot of people watching that interview who decided to come check it out for themselves. I’m not sure what we are going to do.”

Peter laughed, “This is great!”

“No, it’s not. We were already sold out. I mean, we have some extra books, but I don’t even know if we have enough extra for all of them. And I can’t fit them inside. And they are going to be so pissed…”

“I’ve got a few boxes in the car that they sent me to sign, and we can sell those today, the publisher can send me replacements later. And we can let in the first wave of people, the ones with the tickets for the original event for the reading and let everyone else know that I will sign until my hand gives out if they want to stick around.”

Ellie chimed in, “I think I can help entertain the overflow crowd for a bit as well, I’ve actually got a piece I’ve been working on that we could give them a sneak preview. We will make sure that everyone has a good time.”

Jade took Gloria’s hand, “We’ve got this. We always do.”

Peter laughed, “Yes, we do! Let’s go be the change!”

Ellie smiled, “He’s still a little pumped from the interview. Let’s see how he feels after a few hours of signing Berranger over and over.”

“Peter B. works!”

“Alright, let’s get this party started.”

With that Gloria stepped outside to sort the crowd announcing the changes to the schedule and what they were going to do to make sure everyone left happy. She hadn’t needed to worry so much. Friendships were formed in that line that day that did end up changing the world.

Every good thing in her life had come from books.

Miscommunication

 His father had always told him that someday his mouth would get him in trouble. He talked too much. No filter. If it popped in his head it came out of his mouth. He had two ears and one mouth. Listen more, talk less. Like his brother always did.

His brother was like his father, but without the cruel streak. He was a big listener. Didn't say a lot but when he spoke people paid attention. And agreed. Yes! That is exactly what they were trying to say. He was good at managing unruly groups of people. He would say that oftentimes what was happening was violent agreement. They all actually felt the same way but just had different ways of expressing it. Once you got people unlocked from those patterns they could work together.

He knew his brother would have handled this differently. Just another way he didn't measure up to their father's expectations for them both. He didn't resent his brother, infact if it weren't for his brother he wouldn't have even gotten this job. His brother recommended him for the work. Told everyone he was a good solid worker. Could be trusted. He didn't resent his brother for being better at things than he was, it wasn't his brother's fault he was the favored child any more than it was his fault that he wasn't.

Honestly though he really was the lucky one.

Not like, completely lucky, after all he was trapped underground in a cage with no real belief he was going to survive but still luckier than some.

When his exploration party had been captured it had all happened too fast for him to really understand exactly how it happened. After all the planet wasn't populated with anything they considered dangerous. There was life, but it wasn't like them so they had dismissed it as something to study not something to be worried about.

At least until the first few parties were abducted, now the rest of the settlers knew that they needed to be on guard and take some precautions. Apparently they had sent back messages to Earth for more weapons and they were experimenting with isolated burns, trying to eradicate the life without exploding their own homes.

He had picked up this information from his captors. They told him things. He wasn't sure if they did it on purpose or if it was just a side effect of the way they communicated. But he knew about what was happening on the surface. He knew what they needed from him. He knew what their plans were.

They needed him to learn how to speak. They didn't communicate through vocalization. They just knew what each other was thinking. Telepathy, but more than that. They were tied together, not just with each other, but with the entire planet. It was one giant organism in a way. Like mushrooms, or some other fungus. But that seemed sort of derogatory in his mind so he tried not to think of them like that. But that's the closest he could come to understanding them.

It was how his party had been taken. They knew where they were. They knew where everyone was, where everything was, and when they decided to take them the ground under them moved and swallowed them up. Brought them down under the surface, who knows how far, into this room. He and the others were put in cages, mud rooms really, and then the experiments started.

Like he said, he was lucky. The first person they tried communicating with they literally melted his brain. There was the smell. Like roasting meat. Then the smoke coming out of his ears. It would have been comical if it hadn't been terrifying.

All humans are is electric pulses. Every thought they have, every heartbeat, every nerve impulse. It's all electricity. These beings are the same. But they are at a much higher amperage than humans are. Putting all of that energy into a human brain did not work. It took them four tries at converting and reducing their output so human minds could handle it.

Luckily he was the fifth person they experimented on.

Their plan was simple. At least for them. They were going to travel to Earth and explain to the population that they were destroying the planet and that they needed to take care of the ecosystem that they were a part of before it was too late. Earth of the past. They were trying to decide when they would need to arrive to make the change before it was too late.

Apparently time is just a map. You could pick any spot on that map and go there, if you understood how the energy waves worked. And they did. He really wanted to get back to Earth and share that information with his brother. The things they could do with that knowledge. It was dizzying to think of.

But they didn't want to exploit the system, what they wanted to do was go back in time and stop the destruction of Earth. Stop the need for colonization of other planets. Stop them from destroying things they didn't understand.

For months now they had kept him in his cage. They had taken supplies when they took his party so he had food, though they all left the area when they would feed him. He could feel their disgust at what was in the MREs. He couldn't really blame them, they weren't the best tasting, but also it was deeper than that, it was what was in there.

They took their nutrition from the soil of their planet. And gave back to the soil what it needed through their waste. Honestly, he was disgusted at the thought of essentially eating poop so he couldn't blame them for being disgusted with him eating beef stew. To each their own.

But they had taken decent care of him. For awhile when there were more of his party still alive, he had had people to talk to. Now it was just him. And them. And they had learned how to communicate directly with him. He could understand them and they could understand him. They were just working on how to vocalize the words. They wouldn't be able to just tie into every Earthling's head the way they had with him. They wanted to be able to speak to them. To reason with them.

And that's where his mouth got him into trouble. Just like his father said it would. Though this time it was his mind. No filter. What he thought he shared.

He told them that there had been people who had tried that but it hadn't worked. That for decades before they used up all of the Earth's resources there were a lot of their own scientists that said it was happening. But nobody was willing to change. The thought that it was easier to just start going to other planets took hold and that was that. Infact, it had actually sped up the destruction of Earth when they started testing rockets and mining for the minerals needed to power them.

They spread a blanket of calm reason across his mind and explained that they would be able to make his people understand. They would show them how to care for the planet and what the damage they were doing would cause. Reason was the way to reach them.

He had laughed. And reminded them that when his people discovered that they were sentient beings, sentient beings that were not happy with the colonization of their planet, his people had sent messages back to Earth, not that they needed to leave, but that they need more weapons. Reason wasn't really going to work.

He felt it then. The first shift. He had gotten through to them. Just like his brother would have. He had listened to them and explained to them why what they were saying was flawed. He had done it. He had a moment of feeling proud.

Just a moment.

He wasn't sure what would happen to him now. They tried to explain to him. It would be instantaneous. And painless. But he couldn't wrap his head around it, even with their help.

Instead of trying to save Earth they would be going back to destroy it.

They didn't view it as total destruction, just a little alteration in the timeline. When that first being pulled itself from the primordial ooze it would be met with a life that was already formed, and it would be absorbed and then given back to the Earth to try again.

Christmas Spiritless

"I'm not sure why I bother."

"Because it's who you are."

"But does it have to be? I mean, I think I've done enough. And nobody really wants me around anymore."

"How can you say that? You're still the face of the whole season."

"Shh, don't say that too loudly or you'll get the 'Reason for the Season' people all riled up."

"They can have their reason, doesn't change that you are the face. Go into any store and there you are."

"No, there he is. That's not me, you know I don't look at all like that."

"Okay, so maybe it's not exactly what you look like, but it's what they think you look like, and it's all you, baby!"

"But it's not me. It doesn't look like me, it doesn't represent who I am. They made me a representation of greed instead of good."

"Greed is good."

"I know you think that's funny, but no. Don't quote movies at me right now. Greed is greed. It's too much. It's grabby. It's rude. It deserves a lump of coal. And not glorious clean coal nonsense. A giant lump of coal, maybe lobbed against a head."

"Oh, hey now, don't let them change you. You aren't the lobbing a lump of coal kind of guy. You're the gentle reminder to do better. You're the embodiment of good will."

"I was. I should be. But nobody wants that. Nobody likes the good guys. They are all in on the villains now. Greedy, grabby, hoarders. They want to be like them instead of despising them. What am I supposed to do about that?"

"Keep trying? Keep reminding them that they can listen to their better angels?"

"Are you saying that because you believe they can be reasoned with or because you know you'll be out of a job if I shut this place down?"

"Look, I don't do this job for the pay. Or the location. Or the hours. I do it because, like you, it's who I am. I was born to do this. It's in my DNA. My family has been here making Christmas happen for centuries, and not just Christmas but my family has been in the midwinter business since, well, since the beginning. There have been Elvens since before there was a Father Christmas. I don't usually pull rank, but you're the face and the figure, we are the whole shebang."

"I know. I'm sorry. That was out of line. I'm just tired. It's been a hard year."

"It has. And I'd like to tell you it's going to get better, but I think we're in for a hard stretch. We've had them before. But that's the time you are most needed. Remember when they were at war with each other and you got them to stop and play football and sing carols?"

"And then the next day they went back to killing each other?"

"Okay, sure, but they remembered that moment. That time where they saw each other as people, and it helped when the time came to lay down weapons. You know it did. It doesn't seem like much to you right now, but they still talk about it. It still brings them hope."

"But is that enough? I mean really. They want the villains, maybe we should just let them deal with it."

"Can you do that?"

"Maybe."

"I don't think so. I think you know you are needed more than ever. A little joy. A little peace. A little hope. They need that now. The ones that will make the change. And maybe you can leave a few lumps of coal laying around to encourage a little lobbing as well."

"Now there is an idea. A little good will and little warning. I think I can manage that."

"I think you can. And I think you have to."

"Alright, you've convinced me. Load up. We're off to spread a little Christmas spirit. As much of it as they'll take. Let's hope it does some good."

Books Chapter 22...

 Books Chapter Twenty One

“You mention briefly in the book that you were estranged from your family. Do you want to go into what happened?”

He smiled his practiced everyone always asks this question smile, “I won’t get into details, but I have talked about the generalities. When I was in college, I made a decision that was the right decision for me. My father did not see it the same way. He cut me off from my trust fund and disinherited me. Which most people have neither of those things, so I don’t expect a lot of sympathy about it.”

“But to be cut off from a fortune like that must have been hard.”

“I don’t view it as hard. At the time I had a scholarship for my schooling, so I was able to live on campus and attend classes. I got a part time job to cover my incidental expenses and I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. In a way it was very freeing. Before he cut me off my future had been planned for me, at 18 when he cut me off, I got a chance to chart my own path.”

“So, you don’t regret it?”

“The only thing I regret is that my father died before we had a chance to reconcile. Though knowing my father I’m not sure reconciliation would have ever been on the table. I did have a chance to be part of my mother’s and my sisters’ lives again I am grateful for that.”

“One more question on this topic, your book is all about being the change in the world, don’t you think you could have had a bigger impact if you had reconciled with your father? The amount of good you could have done with access to that money is staggering.”

“That is the point of my book. You don’t have to have access to a vast fortune or a famous name to affect change. Everyone likes to say be the change you want to see in the world, but what I’m saying is that you already are changing the world. It’s up to you to decide what change that is going to be.”

“You say all of these things, but you don’t have to live them.”

“What do you mean I don’t have to live them?”

“You talk about having influence no matter who you are, and making change from wherever you live but you prove the point that to actually make changes and have influence you need to have more than just a desire.”

“I understand why you would think that…”

“Everywhere you go in this state there is something named for your family. I don’t think a Berranger has ever lived in this town and there are two parks, a street and multiple buildings at the University named after you.”

“Well, first to correct you, I lived here for almost a decade.”

“While attending the University.”

“Yes, while attending the University. And the second point is that those things are named after my family. Not after me. I had to find my own way in the world.”

“Are you saying that being part of the Berranger family didn’t pave those streets for you?”

“Absolutely not. Having a famous last name has opened a lot of doors for me. As has being married to a best-selling author. I’ve used all of those connections at times to have access to spaces where I could advocate for the changes I’d like to see.”

“That is my point.”

“But what you are missing, and I address this in the book, that, yes, I have a famous name and a famous wife, but I also was a TA in college and worked with a lot of people who grew up to have their own spheres of influence that I can now access as well. We all have networking groups. Everyone knows someone. And those people know people as well. Those are your spheres of influence.”

“It sounds like a multilevel marketing scheme.”

“Exactly! That’s exactly what it is. But it’s not marketing as in selling a product. It’s marketing as in selling an idea.”

“I…”

“Again, everyone likes to quote Ghandi, to be the change you want to see in the world. But the point I try to make in the book, and I hope everyone who reads the whole thing takes this away, is that you are already the change. What you are doing right now is the change. What you have to decide is what change you want that to be. Is what you are doing right now what you want to put out there in the world or do you want to do something different?”

“But how much change can you make if your last name isn’t Berranger and your wife isn’t releasing an average of one best seller every other year?”

“I don’t know. Nobody knows. I don’t even know how much change you can make if your wife is a bestselling author, and your last name is Berranger. But what I do know is that you can make a lot of difference in your circle. You can advocate for the things that are important to you. I focus on income inequality. I work with lawmakers to fund affordable housing and scholarship opportunities. But you could be passionate about food deserts, or environmental areas, or peace talks. What is your passion? What difference do you really want to make?

It could be as simple as you want to spread a little more joy in the world and so you make sure to smile at everyone you pass, it could be as complicated as you want there to be peace in the Middle East so you are studying all of the history and talking with people who are familiar with the area and working with organizations that are also headed toward that goal. You speak about it with your friends. You break down the complicated issues into ideas that are easier to understand.”

“Again, how do you know you will make a difference?”

“It all makes a difference. Think about your job. When you are going to interview someone, I bet you have had the experience where the person has come in friendly and open and ready to talk and I bet you have had the opposite. Where they seemed hostile, and they were closed and didn’t want to answer questions at all. Both of those people made a difference that day. And it wasn’t just a one-on-one difference. Sure, they made a difference in how your interaction went but that made a difference in how your audience viewed them. Then that made a difference on if they were going to be asked back on. They might not have intended that to be the difference they made, but it happened anyway.”

“Okay…”

“Think about Bob Barker. He ended every broadcast of The Price is Right with a phrase. Do you know what that was?”

“Something like ‘Please help control the pet population and remember to spay and neuter your pets.’ I think, that’s close anyway.”

“See? That’s a difference. That was important to him, and he took his sphere of influence, which granted was large, and he said that simple phrase and I guarantee you that there are people out there that spayed and neutered their pets because he told them to. But what I’m saying is you don’t need a massive audience to have an impact. If every time you see your friends you tell them that you love them and that they are important to you, you are making a difference in their lives. And because of that difference they will go out and make a difference in other lives.”

“You make it sound simple.”

“It is simple. And it’s also profound. That’s what’s great about it. It’s simple because you just have to decide what you want to put out in the world. And it’s profound because it works. You are the change you want to see in the world, it’s in your hands to act like it.”

“You’ve certainly given us all something to think about.” She turned to face the camera, “If you’d like to read more, Change Is What You Make is available from all major retailers now. Our thanks to Peter Berranger for stopping by today. You can also see him at…”

Books Chapter Twenty Three

Perchten...

Of course he noticed her as soon as she came in to the bar. Everyone noticed her. She was beautiful. 

The kind of porcelain white skin that made you think of fine china. Or baby dolls. Or breaking things. 

The blue eyes that were like glacier ice. The kind you could stare at for hours before blackening the skin around them. 

The lips as red as a cherry, as shiny as blood.

She was something he wanted to possess. To show off. To prove that he was the top of the heap. He worked hard for everything he had. He had bullied his way to where he was. Cars, houses, multiple ex wives. He had all the trappings of success. Women wanted him and men feared him. Or maybe it was the other way around. Men wanted to be him and women feared him. 

But not all women. Some were brazen like she seemed to be. Meeting his hungry stare without looking away. No deference. It made him crazy. First with lust, then with anger. 

He would have her, then he would break her. 

He thought of how to pursue her. She was beautiful so she had spent her entire life being told she was beautiful. Would she be the type to respond to negging? If he told her she would be perfect if her chin weren't so pointed? Or maybe he could engage her in conversation and pay deep attention to everything she was saying, and once he had gained her trust to start to undermine her here and there. Make her doubt her own intelligence. That would take time, but he was currently single, again, so he had it. 

He wanted to figure out how to get her attention, then make her crave his. 

He wasn't prepared for her to make the first move. He accepted the drink and noted that breaking her would be even sweeter for her confidence. 

He raised the glass to her at the end of the bar and motioned for her to join him. She moved like she was floating. Every head turned to watch her. He noticed that here and there as she would pass a couple the man would shiver. Not all men. But more than a few. 

He noticed things. That's where his power was. He payed attention to the little things. And then used them against people. 

He knew who he was. He wasn't one of those who would say he was a good guy with a good heart. He would say that was what cucks and losers said. The perennial second place finishers. He was a man who did what he wanted because he could. And who was going to stop him? Nobody. That's who. So why be apologetic about it. He was the alpha. He ran this shit. And he deserved everything he had. 

Which would soon include her, a submissive her. He would break her. And then he would leave her. Nobody wants to keep broken toys, afterall. 

She was next to him now and was even more lovely close up. He had never seen anyone as perfect as she was. Not even in the mirror. 

They talked about life, what he did, what he liked, what was important to him. She might have tried to include her own likes once or twice but he was deft at steering conversations back to him. 

And she found him to be as fascinating as he found himself. Or at least she acted that way. And he had no reason to believe it was false. 

When he suggested they leave together she readily agreed. Which only disappointed him a little. He would have preferred that she was harder to get, but he assumed it was part of her confident career woman playset to be a modern woman in charge of her own sexuality. He hated that shit. Unless it was getting him laid like it was tonight, and then it was okay. But he would make her feel less than because of it. Eventually. Just not tonight. 

The walked together toward the parking lot. She stopped to admire the way the moonlight shone on the snow in the woods. He really was going to have to pay more attention to his surroundings. He hadn't even noticed that the bar backed up to a forest when he had arrived that evening. 

She turned to him and smiled. Then he felt the chill around his ankles. A breeze had started. There were flashes of light over the trees, which it seemed to him had gotten closer to where they were standing. Hadn't there been cars over there when they walked out?

He turned back to her again her face was not longer a perfect mask of beauty. Her teeth were now fangs, her hair whipped around her head in coils, her eyes burned like red hot coals in a fire, she threw back her head and called the wild hunt, then turned back to him, and said

Run.

Krampusnacht...

"Are you going out tonight?"

"Eh."

"But you should. I mean you have a duty, right?"

"Eh. They've forgotten me."

"Maybe it's time you remind them?"

"Eh."

"You could team up with him and make a whole evening of it?"

"Eh, he's gotten too comfortable with the costumes and the parades and the kitsch. He's always wanted to have a little of what Nick has and so this works for him. Drunken revelry."

"Maybe if you went out a few times you could get a parade too?"

"You think I want a parade? I don't want a parade. I had a job. I was important. I was feared. A parade..."

"But the parades make some people remember again, that could be good, you used to be remembered."

"Remembered as what? Do you remember what they turned me into? They told stories about me forcing women to weave. To be good homemakers. That I would take my revenge if they hadn't done their chores. They turned me into a judgemental hausfrau. I don't want that to be my legacy. So...eh."

"But, if you go out tonight and show them again who you really are, then maybe it won't be?"

"Eh. Or maybe they will give credit to a storm. Or to an act of god. Their god. Not the gods of old. They won't pay attention to who was taken, they will just rationalize it away."

"But if you don't try..."

"Eh. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of watching the world cling to rotten men. I'm tired of them being given opportunity after opportunity to turn, and they cling instead. If I did have an obsession with spinning maybe I would make them all spin threads until their hands bled. Just to make them feel something."

"I still think you should go out. Try at least."

"Even you."

"Even me what?"

"Even you have forgotten. Tonight is his night. Tomorrow night is mine. You don't even remember. You have turned me into a "Female Krampus" instead of giving me my own name."

"That's not fair. You often would go with him, in days of old."

"I didn't go with him. I provided the storm that would allow him to move. I did that. I didn't go with him. I didn't ride his coattails. I provide the wind and the snow and the storm. But did he ever go with me on my night? Did he offer his chains in help? No he did not. He worried I might turn on him in the middle of the hunt. See him for what he is and forget what he means to all of us."

"I am sorry. I did not mean to bring offense."

"Go. Leave me alone. See to the hounds. I'm tired."

"I will go. But please consider it. Frau Perchta, the world could use the wild hunt again."

"eh."

Christmas Gifts

Christmas Gifts

What do you want for Christmas?
He asked her every year.

She would say
Nothing

Tell me what you want most.
Wrapped in paper with a bow

She would say
Nothing

A book? A dress? New shoes?
Tell me and I will get them.

She would say 
Nothing

Just tell me what you want
He would practically beg

She would say 
Nothing

So every year he would get her
A book, a dress, New shoes

And she would smile
And say thank you

And wish for nothing

 

Books Chapter 21...

 Books Chapter Twenty

Gloria looked out over the area she had set up for the signing. It was going to be the largest public event they had ever held in the bookstore. It might even be bigger than the largest private event.

She smiled to herself thinking about that day. It wouldn’t have been for everyone, and a lot of people probably thought it was corny, but it had been perfect.

Instead of flower arrangements there had been books with flowers in the title lining the aisle. There was a place of honor near the front for the first book she had ever recommended to Jade and the first book they read together. Adele had performed the ceremony while their friends and family looked on. And at the reception everyone had left a book recommendation or quote for the newlyweds.

The day had been perfect.

But it would have been perfect no matter where it had been held or what the decorations were.

“What are you grinning about?”

Gloria turned and smiled ever wider, “Thinking about the last big event we held here. It was really a great day.”

“Just the start of them, right?” Jade wrapped an arm around Gloria’s waist, “I love you and I’d love to reminisce all day, but we’ve got to get a move on if we are going to be ready on time.”

“You’re right. What else do we need?”

As they paused to look around the store the phone started to ring.

“I guess we need to start with the phone!”

“Books on Main, how can I help you?”

“Hello! Hello! I hope I’m not too late to wish you good luck today!”

“Adele! Hi! No, not at all. We are setting up right now, but the main event doesn’t start for a while. Just getting the book table set up and trying to figure out if we’ve forgotten anything. Did you happen to leave a check list anywhere?”

“Ha! Oh, you know better than that. Each event is a little different and in all the years I owned the place we never did a signing as big as this one will be. You got the exclusive for one of the presumed bestsellers of the year. I mean, that’s incredible!”

“Well…”

“You still got it. That’s what matters. Since you will have the store open for regular business as well the biggest challenge is going to be your queue. Think about how you want it to wrap so people aren’t blocking the rest of the store. But also try and get the line to go past some shelves of related books, you never know how many extras you’ll sell.”

“Brilliant as always. Thank you.”

“You’d have thought of it too. Trust me, your instincts are good, and all of the years of experience working with the world’s greatest bookseller has prepared you.”

“You drinking out of that mug right now?”

“I am. I’m thinking about taking it into the local pottery shop and adding the word Retired.”

“Consulting. Not retired. You promised us you’d stay a consultant when you sold us the place.”

“I did, and I have consulted today and earned my title. One last piece don’t forget to have fun and to soak in the moment. Signings are big days for you and even more so for the authors. This is their dream coming true. And you get to watch it. It will fill your tank for those days when the books aren’t selling, or the shipment is late, or the tax bill is due.”

“Thank you. I will try my best to relax into the event once it starts.”

“Love you girls, I’ll check in tomorrow to see how it went!”

“Love you too, thanks for calling.”

Books Chapter Twenty Two

Childhood Fears...

She was a grown ass woman and still couldn't sleep with her closet door open. 

Before she turned out the lights in her bedroom she had to make sure the closet door was closed. Tightly. No cracks. No gaps. If she could figure out a way to weather strip it without it getting snagged along the carpet she would. Airtight. That would be best. 

And if she somehow forgot to turn out the light inside the closet before shutting it up and turning off the bedroom light? There would be no sleep that night. She couldn't just turn on her bedroom light, open the closet door and shut off the light. She would instead lie in her bed paralyzed with fear. Convinced she had turned off the light, she ALWAYS turned off the light after all, and that there was something in there ready to pop out. 

When she was a teenager she stopped going on sleepovers because it was too embarrassing to admit to people that she needed that door shut before they turned out the lights.

As an adult she had ended relationships with people who didn't understand that the closet door being shut was a nonnegotiable. Including one very public break up when the man she had been dating for a few months thought her fear of an open closet door was a hilarious anecdote to share at a dinner party. She had gotten up from the table and told him he could find someplace else to sleep that night and every other night. Then she had left.

She might be afraid of an open closet door but she was not afraid to stand up for herself. And as she explained to a girlfriend when she shared the story, it wasn't about the closet door at that point, it was about him mocking her fears. It didn't matter if her fear didn't make sense to him, it still wasn't a joke to tell at parties. 

Once in her twenties she was visiting a friend who lived in an old Victorian style house. She had apologized profusely that there was no closet in her guest room. None of the rooms had closets. She had been acquiring armoires for each space but the guest room still didn't have one. It was the best night's sleep she could ever remember having. 

If she ever bought a house she thought it would be a Victorian like that. No closets would end up being a selling point for her. But for now she was a renter and every apartment had closets. Including the one she was in now. A giant walk in closet. 

A friend who knew her phobia suggested turing the closet into a dressing room space. Take the door off completely. Put a small dressing table in there instead of clothes. If she could think of it as a different space maybe that would be better? Like her Victorian dream house. But she knew it would still be a closet. You couldn't just unmake a closet. 

It wasn't rational. She knew that. It was a room like any other room in her apartment. Or even less of a room really. No windows. Just the one door. One overhead light. That she always turned off before she shut the door. Always. 

But no matter how much she told herself it was a silly fear she still was terrified. 

Lying in bed. Seeing the light through the crack around the door. Listening to the soft knocking. 

Books Chapter 20...

 Books Chapter Nineteen

Gloria was busy shelving books and didn’t notice when Jade walked into the store. Jade stood near the door and watched her for a few minutes. There was something about the way she held the books that was almost poetic. Like they weren’t objects but the actual stories, the actual living breathing stories of lives.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jade, stop it.” She thought to herself.

Right at that moment Gloria turned and saw her. “Jade, hi, thanks for stopping by. I wasn’t sure you would.”

“Yeah, Ellie called and sort of explained what happened and said you’d like to talk to me as well. So here I am.”

“Here you are.” Suddenly Gloria was feeling very unsure of herself. She had planned out what she was going to say to Jade in her head a dozen times but now that she was here everything seemed so stupid. So overdone. She had behaved badly, and she was just embarrassed.

“Okay, well this is getting uncomfortably awkward.”

Gloria laughed a little, “It is, and that’s my fault. Again. I just don’t know what to say except I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I thought the worst of you and of Ellie. And I’m sorry you got dragged into a really weird and not at all typical moment with us.”

“I’m not going to lie, it was weird.”

“It’s hard to explain. I think it’s because Ellie and I have been friends forever basically and I think we started to rely a little too much on assuming the other one would know what we were thinking. And then we filled in a lot of our own doubts when we should have just talked to each other.”

“That’s pretty close to what she said. And I just ended up swept up in it.”

“You did. And I’m really sorry. And if you still want to, I’d really like a second chance at getting to know you. We could still go see that exhibit together?”

“Well, I went and saw it on my own, but I could go again.”

“Honestly? I went as saw it on my own as well so…”

Jade laughed. “How about coffee? We could go get a coffee?”

“That sounds like a great idea.”

From the back of the shop Adele called out, “You can go right now. Take the afternoon off. I’ll see you tomorrow. Not that I was eavesdropping on your personal conversations just a coincidence that I heard that last part.”

“You heard the woman. I have the afternoon off if you are free?”

Jade smiled, “I am.”

Coffee turned into dinner, which turned into a long walk, which turned into talking all night, which turned into breakfast the next day, which turned into Gloria almost being late for work. As far as second chances went it was a good one.

Books Chapter Twenty One

Precocious...

As you can imagine a life entering a body causes quite pull. That first gasp of air before the cry. It's not just the lungs filling. It's the whole essence of who you are entering. First breath. First life. First spark. The uniqueness of you, what is commonly called your soul, enters the vessel and you begin your life. 

The moment the girl was born, the instant she drew her first breath a woman on the floor below in the hospital was drawing her last. 

In the rush of entry and exit there was a bit of an accident. 

The pull of her own soul entering her body was so strong that it sucked up the soul that had left the other woman.

It didn't happen often. But it wasn't unheard of. Some people argue that's really what schizophrenia was, you weren't imagining the voice you heard, it was the extra soul you accidentally trapped as you were born. Multiple personality disorder could be explained this way as well. It really was multiple personalities trying to control one vessel. 

Luckily for the girl the woman she shared her space with was the patient sort. The calm in the face of a crisis sort. She figured out what happened right away. Some souls took longer. Being plunged into a new vessel, one that didn't feel like the previous one, one that didn't have the control over itself that the old one had, one that had limited resources to move, think, reason, on its own, it could be a scary proposition. But the woman understood where she was, and how it had probably happened and that she wasn't alone.  

She had been a teacher and mother and a grandmother in her own life. She had worked with children for many years. Her own and her students and her grandchildren. She understood how to get the best out of them. So that's what she did.

The girl's parents wondered what they did to get so lucky. She rarely cried for long. Was a self soother. Would hum songs and rock herself back to sleep. She potty trained herself basically as soon as she could walk. She was reading by age 3. And always seemed to be considering the world and what it had on offer. When asked a question she would pause before answering. A deep thinker. They were so lucky to have her. Her younger brother dispelled any idea that they might have had that it was their superior parenting and genes. 

She excelled in school. Her teachers always remarked that she was just an old soul. So grown up. So thoughtful. 

When she was 17 years old she was in a terrible car accident. Broadsided in an intersection by a drunk driver. The paramedics said it was a miracle she survived. What they didn't realize is that she hadn't. Not completely. She had died in the wreck. But only one soul was expected and so only one soul left. The woman made sure that it was the right soul that left. With a final push to tuck the girl away in a corner she fled up and out of the vessel. She blew a kiss to the girl and was gone. 

The girl was lonely at first. Her thoughts all her own. No other voice mulling things over with her. But the woman had taught her so much. Had talked to her and more importantly had listened to her over the years. 

After she left the hospital she researched the public records to see who had died on the day she was born. She narrowed it down to three women, then two, and finally to one. She visited the gravesite of Ruth Claire and placed a bouquet of violets on the headstone. Violets were her favorite. And she knew that was because they were Ruth Claire's. 

She whispered thank you and turned to walk out of the cemetery.

 Alone. 

Books Chapter 19...

 Books Chapter Eighteen

Ellie heard the door handle rattle and stopped pacing. She had been waiting, hoping that Gloria would cool off and come home so they could talk about what had happened in the cafeteria, but it had been hours.

Gloria stood in the doorway, and they stared at each other for a moment. Then both spoke at once,

“I’m sorry I…”

“It wasn’t supposed to be…”

“I’m sorry, you go ahead…”

“You go…”

Then they both laughed.

“Let me start,” Gloria said, “I’m sorry I got so angry and stormed out. I should have listened to what you were there to tell me.”

“No, I’m sorry that it seemed like we were ambushing you. We thought it would be better if we both talked to you at once instead of seeming like we were piling on. We were, are, both worried about what’s happening with you. You haven’t seemed yourself lately and you aren’t talking to me, or to Peter and so we just handled it badly.”

“I would like to say it’s all your fault. But I got so defensive because you’re right. I haven’t been myself, and I have been avoiding the two of you. I didn’t want to disappoint you and I didn’t want to seem like I had wasted his time and help over the past few years. I’ve known for a while I needed to talk to you, but I’ve been scared.”

“Scared? Why? What happened?”

“You know we have had our lives planned out since we were kids. You have always wanted to be a writer and I have always been going to be a teacher. Everything we’ve done has kept us on those paths. We had a life plan together.”

“Yes?”

“Well, god this is hard…”

“What?”

“I don’t want to be a teacher.”

Ellie just stared at Gloria for a moment. Then she burst into laughter.

“I’m not joking.”

“No, I mean, I don’t think you’re joking. I’m just so relieved. I thought it was something serious.”

“Umm, this is serious. So many people have helped me out to become a teacher. My scholarships were awarded due to my essays about wanting to teach. All of the time and energy Peter has put into guiding my academic choices and trying to get me into the best student teaching slot. So many people had put in a lot of effort to get me here. I can’t ever pay all of that back.”

“Why would you need to pay it back? The scholarship was to send you to college. You went to college. You have great grades. You’ve done all of the work. People change their minds and majors all of the time.”

“People with money change their majors. If you don’t have money college is a different experience. It’s where you go to get a better job.”

“You could have gotten your certificate and started teaching a long time ago if it was just about money. And you know you were never going to get rich teaching.”

“But I didn’t just want my certificate.”

“Right. Because part of you always wondered if teaching was what you wanted to do. I mean, I knew that. Teaching appeals to you, I get that, but so does being a librarian. So does working in publishing. So does running an independent bookstore. Gloria, you’ve always talked about other things you could do. All of them are you being around books. That’s been the only constant. Teaching is just what you told everyone who asked. But you told me a lot more than that.”

Gloria sat for a moment and thought. She had talked about all of those things with Ellie but never seriously. Teaching was always the end game. The rest were just silly things she talked about. She didn’t realize that Ellie hadn’t written them off as easily as she had.

“So, you aren’t disappointed that I’ve ruined our plans?”

“How have you ruined anything? Are you moving away and never want to see me again?”

Gloria laughed, “Of course not.”

“Then nothing is ruined. Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to you doing your student teaching next semester anyway. I never see you anymore as it is, and if you had to move to a new place? Well, it’s selfish but I’m glad that this was your big secret. I’d like to get to see you more.”

“Do you think Peter will be mad? He’s been a good friend as well as a good advisor, I hate to disappoint him.”

“I think he’ll be fine. He’s been worried about you. He’s really a good guy.”

“Are you blushing? Wait, what has been going on with you two?”

“Nothing, not really. We’ve been talking, it started with both of us being worried about you, and has continued with that, but…”

“But?”

“I really like his company. I understand him and he knows where I come from and what that means and what I’ve fought against becoming. Which sounds so pretentious, and I know that, but he gets it. And he is really…”

“Cute?”

“Ha! I was going to say deep but yeah, he’s really cute too.”

“Do you want me to stay aloof and act like I’m in crisis so you can keep seeing him without having to tell him it’s really because he’s cute?”

“Thank you, that’s very generous of you, but I think we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sorry I worried you. I’m sorry I was too scared to tell you the truth, I just didn’t want to disappoint so many people.”

“I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t tell me.”

“I just built it up too big in my head I think.”

Ellie reached out for Gloria’s hand, “There is never going to be something you can’t tell me. I mean it. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Gloria smiled, then frowned, “I love you. You know that. I’m sorry for my part in this whole misunderstanding but…”

“But?”

“Sending in Jade to spy on me was really low. That hurts a lot.”

Ellie shook her head, “I didn’t. I mean it.”

“But she knew you and you knew her?”

“Yeah, we met last year, I kept meaning to tell you about her, but you were pulling away so much I was afraid you would think I was trying to replace you, and then it got to be so long that it seemed even weirder to mention her. Especially since you were going to be leaving next semester and…”

“So, you didn’t set up our meeting?”

“No, I swear. I didn’t.”

“Well shit. I guess I fucked that up then.”

Books Chapter Twenty

Family Ties...

She woke from a deep sleep and stretched out, opening her eyes for just a second before closing them again. 

Then reopening them and sitting straight up in bed. 

"Don't scream. It will just end up making you look foolish."

She started to reach for her bedside table.

"Don't think the pepper spray in that drawer is going to do you a bit of good either. Honestly, child, pay a little more attention to your surroundings."

How in the world did this woman know about the pepper spray? Had she already looked through her drawers? Was she being robbed? Robbed by an old woman who then decided to sit on the edge of her bed and wait for her to wake up. An old woman sitting on her bed but putting no weight on it at all. An old woman putting no weight on the bed where she was sitting who didn't quite block the view of the wall behind her. Through her. 

"Ta da. You are getting it now."

"Who are you? Or were you?"

"Oh well that's downright insulting. Were. Do I look like a were?"

"Well you aren't exactly fully here are you?"

With that the old semi transparent woman on the edge of her bed moved one index finger and she was lifted up off of the mattress about a foot then unceremoniously dropped back down. 

"I'd say I'm fully here."

"Okay...okay...don't do that again. I'm sorry. Who are you?"

She had decided this was the most realistic dream she had ever had and might as well go along with it. Do some lucid dreaming and see if her subconscious was trying to tell her something. 

"Oh come on. Are you trying to Scrooge this? You think I'm a bit of undigested dinner? A bad dream? Child."

"Well I mean, it's either I'm having a really vivid dream or ghosts are real so I'd say it's a dream."

"Well that is part of why I'm here. Your lack of knowledge."

"Fine, I'll play along. Who are you? And why are you here?"

"I'm your Great Great Grandaunt Helen. I'm here because you've been a very bad witch."

"Excuse me? I'm not a witch at all, let alone a bad one."

"Are you going to tell me you haven't been cursing strangers because I'm pretty sure you've been cursing strangers."

"I haven't been cursing anybody."

The old woman on the edge of her bed, her great great grandaunt apparently, fluttered her fingers and a scene played out on the wall of her bedroom. Like an old movie. Low def, black and white footage, but clearly a scene out of her life. That was her on her bicycle stopped at the light. Oh! This was the day that asshat almost hit her. 

Her great great grandaunt waved her fingers and the scene froze. "Are you going to tell me this isn't you?"

"No, it's me, but..."

"Are you going to tell me that this didn't happen?"

The scene started again and she could see her lips moving. There was no sound but she knew what she was saying. It was a little poem she had seen on a Tik Tok video. It was supposed to make you feel better by venting your frustration in the moment. A silly little thing, but it had really made her feel better so she had started using it. 

"Wait, are you trying to tell me that I cursed that driver?"

"Did you not say that they should "find the world treats them as they treated you" was that you or no?"

"But that's like, that's just the Golden Rule."

"The Golden Rule is YOU do unto others as YOU would have them do unto YOU. You said you wanted OTHERS to do unto THEM as THEY had done unto you. Do you get the difference? One is a personal behavior choice, the other is a curse."

"Okay, fine, it's not nice. I know, but it's not like I can make others' treat them rudely. It just makes me feel better to think that they were going to get some karma."

"Karma is not your job."

"Fine, but it's also not something I can cause. Just saying those words doesn't make it happen. Thousands of people who watched that Tik Tok video say them and it just makes them feel better."

"Thousands of people watching silly videos aren't witches from a long line of witches."

"I'm....what?"

"Look, this really should be your great great grandmother handling this but she off dealing with your cousin who has decided to charge crystals under the full moon and sell them with spells on Etsy. She thinks she's going to make a quick buck cashing in on a trend. But what she's doing is messing around with things she shouldn't be."

"None of that means anything. Crystals and spells and witches, none of that is anything but people trying to feel..."

"Feel like they belong? Like they are part of a coven? Yes. It's an old pull, but it's still there. And most of the time it's just people enjoying each others company. Maybe forming a bowling league. Or a book club. But sometimes you get someone in the mix who has the actual bloodline to make something happen. And you get you and your cousin out there making a mess of things you don't know anything about."

"Okay, so if you are my great great grandaunt how do you know about bowling leagues and book clubs? They wouldn't have had those when you were alive, would they?"

"Do you even do math?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're 20, your mother is 45, your grandmother is 70, your great grandmother would have been 95 this year, your great great grandmother, my older sister, would have been 122, I would have been 118. That means I was born in 1906. I died in 1983. Do you think we didn't know what bowling and reading were in 1983? Not to mention I've been watching all of you continue to live for last 40 years so I've kept up."

"You said would have. Isn't that the same as were? You got really mad at me for were so you're being kind of hypocritical."

She felt her mouth go dry with fear from the look her great great grandaunt gave her. 

"I would have been 118 years old. Once you die that particular clock stops. I only lived 77 years. Young for our family, actually, you probably want to take note of that and start saving for your retirement right away. But you don't really want to celebrate the day you were born once you are dead, it's not pleasant."

"Sorry."

"Thank you. Now, listen, you need to stop with the curses and you need to find a way to practice safely."

"Again, not practicing, and not cursing anyone. Just saying a silly rhyme to make myself feel better."

"Did you know your cousin was selling crystals?"

"What? The thing you said my great great grandmother was dealing with? No. I didn't. I mean I know she liked crystals and would say what each one would do for you but I didn't know she was selling them. Doesn't surprise me though. She's always looking to make money and it fits her whole pretend witchy vibe."

"Well because of who she is, who you are, she's got more than a witchy vibe. She's an actual witch. She's out in the woods laying out crystals and binding them to spells. Spells that will work. Spells that she has no idea what they really do."

"They are like little money spells and love spells, just silly stuff."

"Did you know that if you mistranslate ancient texts shackles becomes shekels which then becomes money? Or that the only difference between devotion and obsession is an accent over one letter?"

"And?"

"You really are thick. She's selling curses, just like you are cursing people who cause you minor inconveniences."

"You're trying to tell me that we are actual witches and what we do casts actual spells?"

"Now you're getting it. Your great grandmother hid who she was. Your great grandfather moved her to a new community, one where men didn't use dowsing rods to find wells and women weren't healers and midwives. Where a woman with too many dried herbs in her cabinet could be cast out or worse. So she hid what she was but she couldn't stop her need for belonging. She ended up finding it with a group of women from the local church. She forswore all of our teachings from then on. Her mother and I tried to warn her that it wouldn't work. That she was who she was. And that it was no way to raise her daughters. Ignorant of who they were. It would prove to be dangerous."

"My mother and my aunts have never shown any inkling that they were dangerous."

"They were raised during the Satanic Panic of the 80s and 90s. Raised in religious houses where any inkling that they were dabbling would have been met with a backhand and a bible verse. They had no idea who they were. And no idea they needed to warn their children. Teach their children."

"But my mother and one of her sisters left the church and they still aren't..." she waved her hand like she was holding a wand.

"Oh they aren't," her great great grandaunt mocked her gesture, "tell me what you think of when you think of your mother's house?"

She closed her eyes and smiled. "Cooking. She is the best cook. Her house always smells like..."

"Rosemary. Sage. Thyme. Protection herbs. She practices. She just doesn't realize she practices."

"So why haven't you visited her?" 

"She's making stew to protect those around her, you are casting curses at strangers and your cousin is selling them!"

"Okay, so say I believe you. What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, we will have to work on an unbinding spell to break all of the curses you've put out there. And I'll have to try and teach you as much as I can how to live a more aware existence. What you do from there is up to you."

"And my cousin?"

"She's going to have to pay some penance."

"But she didn't know."

"But she still did evil. Actual evil in the world and that's going to need to be rebalanced. You might want to reach out to her to help her deal with the guilt."

"What if we don't do anything?"

"If you don't make it right? That is your choice. And you will live with the consequences. But more importantly the people you've harmed will live with them. And possibly more."

"What do you mean more?"

"Aren't you curious at all as to why your great great grandmother and I are still here watching out for you?"

She started to answer...

"No, I can see it never crossed your mind. Kids today are all sure they are the only character in a movie of their lives. We're here because of your grandmother. We went to her when she had children and tried to explain what her mother had chosen and what that might mean. She didn't believe us. Or didn't want to believe us more accurately. She got very upset, and magic is always more potent when there are strong emotions behind it, and said, 'If you're so worried about how I'm raising my children you can just watch them yourselves then!' And so we have. We watched her children, and their children and will probably their children."

"So you can't just move on?"

"No. Not yet. I don't know when. As I've tried to explain to you, you come from a long line of very powerful witches. It was an unformed and untied curse, but it was an effective one."

"But Grandma is still alive. Couldn't she, what did you call it, unbind the curse?"

"Possibly. If she believed she cast it. If she was willing to admit to being a witch. Does that seem like something she would do?"

She thought about her grandmother. The stories her mother told her about her upbringing. How religious she still was. "No. No it doesn't. But maybe I could help?"

"Maybe. But what is most important right now is that you stop cursing strangers and you work with me to undo the damage you've done. And work with your cousin to heal that mess as well. Do you think you can do that?"

She nodded yes and the old woman faded away. 

She thought to herself, "That was the craziest dream I've ever had." 

A voice in her head rang out loudly, "NOT A DREAM" as she again was lifted a few feet above her mattress and dropped. 

She said out loud, "Not a dream. Not a dream. Not a dream."

And faded off to sleep. 

Do I Know You?

She saw him again yesterday. She was standing in line at the bank and could see the cars in line in the drive through. He was in the second car from the window. A red Mazda Miata. Which she thought didn't seem like the kind of car he would drive. 

But of course she really had no idea what kind of car he should drive. 

She didn't know him, afterall. 

He just was a face in a crowd. 

But one that was always in the crowd. Always. She couldn't remember a time he wasn't around. 

From the time she was a child in elementary school. He wasn't in her class. She saw him passing in the hallway. When she was in high school he played for the opposing team at a Friday night football game.When she sang in choir he was competing at State, on stage right before her choir was ready to go on. When she headed to the East Coast for college he was at Freshman orientation. When she came home for Midwinter break he was coming in to the airport as she was leaving. She saw him at the movies. At concerts. Standing in line at the grocery store. And now here at the bank.

One time he looked really sad and she almost asked him if he was okay. But then remembered, she didn't know him. But she still almost asked. Like she almost told him he looked great in that shade of green and he should wear it more often. 

She wondered if he recognized her. If he told his friends that he'd seen her again. That she was getting a Coke when he was getting popcorn. That he'd almost asked what movie she was seeing but then remembered that he didn't really know her.

Though she had never seen him with friends. Or a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. He was always alone. 

But then again, so was she. 

Not that she was always alone, but that she was always alone when she saw him. Or that only she recognized him. That was probably more accurate. It wasn't like she was with a group of friends and everyone said, "Look! It's that guy!" or "Don't look but he's here!" Nobody but her seemed to even notice him. Or at least nobody talked about it. 

But then again, neither did she. 

Only once had she ever mentioned it, seeing him over and over again. One friend said he was probably her destiny and she should talk to him. One friend said clearly he had something important to tell her and she should ask. And yet another said there were only 6 faces in the whole world so it probably wasn't him at all but just that face. 

Six? Really? That seemed like too few. But she did agree that a lot of people look alike. There were actors she watched that she thought were really busy and always making movies only to find out that it was two different people. Still busy, but not two movies a year busy.

But it was the only time she had mentioned it. They had all been a little high at the time and nobody seemed to remember her talking about it. Or at least thought it was important once they were sober. 

He moved to the front of the drive through and she couldn't see him anymore. 

She knew she'd see him again though. She always did. 

(Prompt was "Write a story about a character that looks eerily familiar." This might be the first time I took a creepy prompt and De-creeped it.  Or did I?) 

Dissociated...

"I have dissociated from my therapist."

"I don't think that's what dissociation means."

"I used to be associated with my therapist and now I am not. I have dissociated. Which, according to my therapist, I have a problem with anyway."

"I still don't think that's exactly what your therapist means by dissociate."

"Oh I know. I mean, I know I actually dissociate in the sense that she's talking about. I can completely leave a situation without ever going anywhere. It's how I've made it through every family dinner since I was like 9. Uncle Bobby starts talking about what he can't say anymore, while saying it, and I'm on a beach in Hawaii while my mashed potatoes go cold."

"Right, so it's not surprising that your therapist would say you do it."

"Oh and I don't have a problem with that at all. She was the one who had a problem with me."

"Oh?"

 "She didn't like is when I said the medication she wanted to give me was just chemical dissociation."

"What did she want to give you?"

"She wants to put me on antidepressants. Which, I mean, might be a good idea. But when she explained them to me she said it would help to alter my brain chemistry so I could become less reactive toward things, less likely to be set back by things. More motivated."

"That sounds good."

"It does, but it also sounds like I'm not being me. I'm altering my brain to be something else. Dissociating."

"But not really. I mean, instead of dissociating to deal with things, medication could actually help you just deal with them. Like, telling Uncle Bobby that you don't want to talk about what he's talking about and could he change the subject."

"What a terrible idea. Then he would get mad and throw a fit and ruin everyone's dinner. Better to just let him spew and ignore him until he stops talking. I don't want medication that makes me forget what a smart choice shutting up is."

"Okay, maybe that's not the right example, but medication can help you just, I don't know, manage a little better. Okay, like I'm on medication for my ADD and it just helps to quiet the distractions. I'm not any different than I was, I'm just able to ignore all of the extra stuff while I focus on what I want to get done."

"But isn't that what I'm saying? That it's just a chemical booster to your brain to make it stop being like your brain is without it."

"Yeah, no, maybe? I mean it sounds like you think it's a bad thing?"

"No, not at all. I think it could be really helpful for me. I know your meds have made a huge difference in how much you enjoy your life. I'm not against them. I just think maybe we should stop being so precious in how we talk about them. Like my brain wants to wallow. Meds would make me stop focusing on those things."

"I think that's your disconnect. They wouldn't make you stop, they'd help you stop. You can still wallow on antidepressants. But it's easier not to if you don't want to if you are on medication. You don't get trapped in your head so easily. Medication is like a flashlight that can just help you find the way out of the dark. The right medication. I mean, there is some trial and error involved in finding out what works."

"Right, like the beach in Hawaii works, but pretending to be at the library doesn't."

"What?"

"To ignore Uncle Bobby."

"Oh, right, okay. Yeah, you have to figure out the balance."

"Okay. But I guess first I have to figure out how to find a new therapist."

"Yeah, that's probably a good first step."

"And I also have to stop saying dissociate because now it's lost all meaning."

"You've dissociated from dissociate."

"Nice."

 

Bad Dirt...

Bad Dirt

Was it the soil that was spoiled?
That's what she was wondering now.
How many times had she replanted?

How many flowers?
From seed, from bulb, from starts.
Blooms, maybe, maybe some growth

Leaves yellowing
Blossoms dropping
Shriveling and dying

She had tried over and over
Did they need more water?
Less water? No water?

Was it too sunny for that plant?
Did it need a shade lover?
Or was it the wrong season?

Now she looked at the soil
Was it spoiled? Poisoned?
Was there anything she could do?

She replanted. 
Tried again.
Maybe this time. 

What else could she do?