Books Chapter 19...

 Books Chapter Eighteen

Ellie heard the door handle rattle and stopped pacing. She had been waiting, hoping that Gloria would cool off and come home so they could talk about what had happened in the cafeteria, but it had been hours.

Gloria stood in the doorway, and they stared at each other for a moment. Then both spoke at once,

“I’m sorry I…”

“It wasn’t supposed to be…”

“I’m sorry, you go ahead…”

“You go…”

Then they both laughed.

“Let me start,” Gloria said, “I’m sorry I got so angry and stormed out. I should have listened to what you were there to tell me.”

“No, I’m sorry that it seemed like we were ambushing you. We thought it would be better if we both talked to you at once instead of seeming like we were piling on. We were, are, both worried about what’s happening with you. You haven’t seemed yourself lately and you aren’t talking to me, or to Peter and so we just handled it badly.”

“I would like to say it’s all your fault. But I got so defensive because you’re right. I haven’t been myself, and I have been avoiding the two of you. I didn’t want to disappoint you and I didn’t want to seem like I had wasted his time and help over the past few years. I’ve known for a while I needed to talk to you, but I’ve been scared.”

“Scared? Why? What happened?”

“You know we have had our lives planned out since we were kids. You have always wanted to be a writer and I have always been going to be a teacher. Everything we’ve done has kept us on those paths. We had a life plan together.”

“Yes?”

“Well, god this is hard…”

“What?”

“I don’t want to be a teacher.”

Ellie just stared at Gloria for a moment. Then she burst into laughter.

“I’m not joking.”

“No, I mean, I don’t think you’re joking. I’m just so relieved. I thought it was something serious.”

“Umm, this is serious. So many people have helped me out to become a teacher. My scholarships were awarded due to my essays about wanting to teach. All of the time and energy Peter has put into guiding my academic choices and trying to get me into the best student teaching slot. So many people had put in a lot of effort to get me here. I can’t ever pay all of that back.”

“Why would you need to pay it back? The scholarship was to send you to college. You went to college. You have great grades. You’ve done all of the work. People change their minds and majors all of the time.”

“People with money change their majors. If you don’t have money college is a different experience. It’s where you go to get a better job.”

“You could have gotten your certificate and started teaching a long time ago if it was just about money. And you know you were never going to get rich teaching.”

“But I didn’t just want my certificate.”

“Right. Because part of you always wondered if teaching was what you wanted to do. I mean, I knew that. Teaching appeals to you, I get that, but so does being a librarian. So does working in publishing. So does running an independent bookstore. Gloria, you’ve always talked about other things you could do. All of them are you being around books. That’s been the only constant. Teaching is just what you told everyone who asked. But you told me a lot more than that.”

Gloria sat for a moment and thought. She had talked about all of those things with Ellie but never seriously. Teaching was always the end game. The rest were just silly things she talked about. She didn’t realize that Ellie hadn’t written them off as easily as she had.

“So, you aren’t disappointed that I’ve ruined our plans?”

“How have you ruined anything? Are you moving away and never want to see me again?”

Gloria laughed, “Of course not.”

“Then nothing is ruined. Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to you doing your student teaching next semester anyway. I never see you anymore as it is, and if you had to move to a new place? Well, it’s selfish but I’m glad that this was your big secret. I’d like to get to see you more.”

“Do you think Peter will be mad? He’s been a good friend as well as a good advisor, I hate to disappoint him.”

“I think he’ll be fine. He’s been worried about you. He’s really a good guy.”

“Are you blushing? Wait, what has been going on with you two?”

“Nothing, not really. We’ve been talking, it started with both of us being worried about you, and has continued with that, but…”

“But?”

“I really like his company. I understand him and he knows where I come from and what that means and what I’ve fought against becoming. Which sounds so pretentious, and I know that, but he gets it. And he is really…”

“Cute?”

“Ha! I was going to say deep but yeah, he’s really cute too.”

“Do you want me to stay aloof and act like I’m in crisis so you can keep seeing him without having to tell him it’s really because he’s cute?”

“Thank you, that’s very generous of you, but I think we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sorry I worried you. I’m sorry I was too scared to tell you the truth, I just didn’t want to disappoint so many people.”

“I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t tell me.”

“I just built it up too big in my head I think.”

Ellie reached out for Gloria’s hand, “There is never going to be something you can’t tell me. I mean it. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Gloria smiled, then frowned, “I love you. You know that. I’m sorry for my part in this whole misunderstanding but…”

“But?”

“Sending in Jade to spy on me was really low. That hurts a lot.”

Ellie shook her head, “I didn’t. I mean it.”

“But she knew you and you knew her?”

“Yeah, we met last year, I kept meaning to tell you about her, but you were pulling away so much I was afraid you would think I was trying to replace you, and then it got to be so long that it seemed even weirder to mention her. Especially since you were going to be leaving next semester and…”

“So, you didn’t set up our meeting?”

“No, I swear. I didn’t.”

“Well shit. I guess I fucked that up then.”

Books Chapter Twenty