Positive It's Over!

Today is the last day of the no negative posts in November challenge.

Did it work?

Mmmmaybe?

I mean, I did go in and delete one post where I bitched about officiating in a game I was watching so I didn't exactly make it, but I deleted it when I realized it was a bitching post with no positive spin added. 

Other than that what mainly happened is I just didn't post my thoughts about things. Or I waited until I could find something tangentially positive. I typed and deleted a few things. I rephrased a few comments until it came out less FUCK OFF and more why would you post something like this? 

But, honestly, for the most part there wasn't a huge change. 

I think over the years I have already learned not to engage with people online who can't have a discussion. You know the ones who just want to fight. The ones that you never see on your posts unless they want to fight. The ones that you cannot delete from your friend list for whatever reason but anytime you see their name in your notifications you have to take a deep centering breath before you read what they wrote. Now, sometimes even knowing those things I ignore my better angels and unleash, but at least when I do it, I do it knowing full well what's happening. 

So it's hard to say what I gained, or if I gained anything at all this month. 

Maybe just a reinforcement of the idea that I don't need to engage with everyone no matter what nonsense they post. When this wonderful world of internet posting first came into my life I really felt like anyone who knew better had a responsibility to do better. (Thank you, Ms. Angelou) And I still believe that. When you know better to you do better, but you can't make other people see things they don't want to see. 

I know the last election was fair. I can't make other people who have a whole chunk of their lives wrapped into believing it was a fraud see that. I know that it's going to take all of us caring about each other to battle Covid into manageable. I can't make people who have decided that it's some sort of threat to their freedoms to care about other people see that. I know that presidents have very little control over gas prices. I can't make people who post things like "Let's Go, Brandon" thinking it's the height of clever understand that. 

So this past month, for the most part, I just let them be. 

No minds were changed, but odds are no minds would have been changed even if I had posted my thoughts on their posts. 

Though I did post a few things when it felt worse to leave them alone. I just was careful with my word choices. Which I used to be really careful. Back when I believed that minds could be changed. Back when I thought the reasonable argument could sway the irrational fear. Oh I was such a newb. But it does make me feel better to be careful with my words. To know that even if every fiber of my being is wanting to scream swear words the ability to rationally present an argument is actually something I like about myself. 

And I do know that there are people I have to stay away from because there is no rational argument that will penetrate their belief that they are always right and everyone else is an idiot. So November was a good reminder that those people aren't people that will show on my daily feeds. I don't need to see what they are posting anymore than they want me to post on those things. Because I'm not delusional enough to not realize that I have to frustrate them as much as they frustrate me. I mean with my whole caring about other people over profits and personal gain, what a jerk! Though I'm sure they would phrase it more as being an anticapitalistic, bleeding heart, liberal. But like, they'd say it in a negative way. 

So from my standpoint it didn't really seem that much different. The predominance of what I post is fluff and nonsense anyway, I think. And I don't really believe that my tendency is to go really negative when I do post about politics or social issues. There are times, but it's not my go to. So was it really all that different? Do I feel like I made a change? Does it feel like I did my part to make the world a little brighter?

Mmmmaybe? 

But maybe not. 

I think I keep landing on the space where I do still think it's up to me to present my world view. I think it's a good one. I know it makes some people crazy, but it doesn't change things. I want a world where racism is in the past. Where sexism is a relic. Where the whole LGBTQ+ family is treated as equals. Where we can look clear eyed at our past and face our future with resolve to do better. Where people don't go bankrupt because they got sick. Where the houseless problem is fixed because we put people in houses. Where when a fucking pandemic hits we don't ask why we should care about anyone else, we just do it automatically because that's what we do...

So I'll keep screaming into the void. Or trying to craft well worded messages for the void. Or yelling FUCK OFF YOU DUMB FUCKING FUCK FACE before back spacing and deleting into the void...one of those for sure. 

How about you? Did you see a difference in November? Or did you just ignore me because I make you crazy?

December 1 tomorrow. 

Whew....

Final Push...

I really can't set goals and not try to make them.

It makes me itchy. 

Which means that for December I need to write. 

A lot. 

And a good dose of fiction.

And find two places to submit. One contest and one not.

And do that while starting the move preparations. 

And holiday things, which to be honest isn't really a challenge. We aren't really decorating just yet. Giving Tig another year to stop chewing up everything. Probably should be putting up some outside things today if we are going to do it. It's unseasonably warm right now. I mean I'm sitting in the office with the window open so Tux can enjoy the smells. 

But if I want to wrap up my goals I need to do that one last push. Otherwise I think I'll be fine. It's just the writing that will be a challenge. 

Writing with a large dose of fiction. 

I need some inspiration is what I'm saying. 

So you know what that means...a month of writing prompt writing! Yay for random forced creativity! Now just trying to decide if I search out just random writing prompts or if I find a list of holiday prompts to at least pretend like we are celebrating like the rest of the world. 

And while I'm doing all of that 2022 is looming and I'm trying to decide what to do as far as goals. I am not sure if my no goal year of 2020 was actually a good test, considering how awful it was. Or if it was a bad red flag for the Universe which paid me back in full for not having "anything I have to do."  I mean a plague, a death in the family, and a kitten with a broken leg seem like a pretty good DON'T DO THAT AGAIN warning...

I think I'm leaning toward a not really goals, just maintenance year. The goal to keep my weight the same. The goal to keep writing a few times a week (which is really a step up from this year at times). The goal to read a book a week (which isn't a lot but can get tougher when you are really busy and can only fit in that 20 minutes before bed time). I think that's what I'm leaning toward. Doing those things on top of getting the move done (which will take the first 3 months of the year), getting settled in (which will take another month or so I would guess). And then seeing how the new place seems for schedules. Like am I going to want to read more because I will have my own back yard to go sit in and read? Or will I decide that I want to take up gardening? (That's kind of a joke since one of the reasons we moved in to this place 20 years ago was to get away from having to maintain the garden!) 

But for now I'm still puzzling out how to finish this year strong and then what to really do about next year. 

For everyone who was betting there was no way that I would leave the goals undone give yourselves a gold star. 

It just makes me itchy. 

Sorting It All Out...

Part of getting ready to move is sorting through 20 years of things we have kept. 

When we were first married we moved at least once a year. And we never knew what the size of the place we were going to be moving into was, but odds are storage would be at a premium. Because of the constant packing and moving we never accumulated a lot of extras. Those things that you think you either might need in another season, or might want to look at or hand down or whatever. There wasn't room.

Once we started moving into houses and places with storage we kept more things. And once we stayed in one place with no incentive to go look through those cabinets or those garage boxes we ended up with a lot of stuff. Just stuff. 

Now we could just move it all to the new place. We will have a three car garage. One for the car, one for a gym and one for nothing but storage so there will be room. But...

I don't want to move anything we don't really want to keep. 

So we sort. 

Since our child lives in Bend anything we have that would be things we thought we might want to pass down to grandchildren or that they might want to have later in life for nostalgia needs to be sorted during the holidays when family visits are happening.

Today I pulled up two boxes and we started. 

Now, my kid is more like my husband than like me. Not a lot of sentimental attachment to things. I'm not super romantic, or sentimental either, but I have this weird thing that most people who write seem to have where I imbue inanimate objects with a lot of extra stuff. Pretty much everything gets anthropomorphized. Playing with toys as a child was a complete balancing act of what had been played with the most recently so I didn't hurt any feelings by not playing with something two times in a row. 

So as I sort things I see the baby blanket that my grandmother crocheted and it's in the get rid of it pile and I'm like..."Are you sure? That's from your great grandmother."

Which my grandmother died when my kid was a few months old. 

And I didn't really have much of a relationship with her either. 

I mean she told Brent that he should listen to her and leave while he could.

THE NIGHT BEFORE OUR WEDDING!

So yeah, it's not like there is any sort of memory attached to that blanket. Just my feeling that there probably should be?

Then the next things were things that we had kept. Report cards and things from each grade level of school work. All of the award certificates. All of the programs for concerts. Holy cow there were a lot of programs. 

The most favored stuffies. Two blankets that had been loved to pieces. A lot of stuff. Just random stuff. Two big storage boxes worth of stuff.

And what ended up in the save pile was two stuffed animals and a box of coins from Grandpa Jack. 

Everything else was "meh"

This was out of two big storage bins. 

Three things. 

So I looked through things that had been put in to the meh pile and put aside a few things. A few short stories that had been written that amused me. Three different years of "If I Grow Up to Be President I Will..." pages. 

And the rest went into donation, recycling, or the trash. 

Because one of the things that we kept finding is that the memories of a lot of those things were mine. Awards and certificates of achievement for activities that had been forgotten. Lots of academic awards when the thought was "I don't really view doing well in school as an achievement. It was something I could do, something I was expected to do, not something I really worked at." So why did we keep all of those things? I mean I have a few guesses...

Clearly if your child is thriving you are doing a good job right?

If they are getting good grades you are a good parent right?

If they are leveling up in their activities that's a reflection on you right?

Or at least that's what it seems like now. Because I remember all of these things as a parent watching and driving and listening, but my kid doesn't. And maybe at the time those things did mean more, but they just have faded away. I mean, I have no idea what I did as a kid. And I am pretty sure even if I had those sorts of things they would just be in a box in storage.

Like my own baby blankets. Which I put back in the box knowing that in a month or so when I sort it to actually pack it better I will toss them. I just couldn't face it today. Only one set of baby blankets at a time. 

I mean, how sad are they that they are going away? I mean my grandmother crocheted that ugly blanket that I put in the crib even though it didn't match anything else but I mean my grandmother crocheted it so how could I not? 

I should probably go get it back out of the recycle pile...

NaNoWriMo

On my "On this Day" posts right now I have multiple years where and I so close to being done with NaNoWriMo. That crunch time of trying to get it all finished before Thanksgiving or before vacations started. 

It's the opposite end of the "Yay! This will be so fun!" spectrum that the end of October looking forward to NaNo are. These are the reality ones. The ones where I've squeezed every drop of creative juice from my brain and I'm still 10K words short. 

I didn't do it this year, haven't done it in a few years. I'm pretty sure I'll never do it again. I've done it three years, in three different ways. Each time was interesting and kind of fun at times and also kind of horrible and draining and made me think I'd like to never write another thing again. 

I'm sort of there right now with writing as a whole. 

I talked about it awhile ago. That I've written so little, and more importantly had such a low urge to write, that I didn't even feel like I was really a writer anymore. And then, of course, as soon as I wrote it down I had a little flurry of posts and even a submission that made me think, well maybe. Maybe I'm over the drought and I' will make all of my writing goals this year. 

Or maybe it was just a little hiccup of creative and I'm dry again. 

Could be that. 

I'm looking at the end of the year looming and I need 14 (13 after this) more blogs and 6 of them need to be fiction. I also need to figure out a submission for something that isn't a contest and one that is. Now if I make it out of the first round of the contest I entered last month half of that would be sorted, but I can't really count of suddenly doing well in contests so probably not. And I've got 5 weeks to get it all done. Over the holiday season. 

Sure. 

I mean I totally could, and if you were a betting person you'd look at my track record with hitting my made up goals and probably bet that I will. But still...

It's been a rough stretch again. 

In November I am usually wrapping up current goals and planning the next year's round. Just not this year. 

Which is fine. I think the first quarter of next year will be so wrapped around everything we need to do for the move and getting this house ready to sell that I'm going to be too busy for extra things. And then once we move it's going to take a bit to settle in. I might actually end up back on my old goal schedule of setting them on my birthday once all is said and done.

Or I might hit a moment of inspiration soon and lay out the next year in glorious detail and close this one out with a giant victory flourish and with a lot of filler pieces.

Like this one. 

You okay, Babe?

I have been watching RuPaul's Drag Race UK since Brent left. I'm finished with season one and partway through season two. I've watched a few episodes each day. Enough that the voices in my head right now all have accents. 

I'm not even kidding with that. Because it's the main thing I've been listening to for the past six days and I have no one here that I'm talking to it's filtered in and is now part of me. At least until I finish and move on to something else. 

But for now I've got a whole new chorus of voices in my head and they don't sound at all like I'm used to.

Which is fun. And great. And a good reinforcement that staying away from the news and the politics has actually been a really good idea. 

I'm still informed and I still have opinions obviously, I mean see the blog from earlier this week, but it's not taking up a lot of space. It's not my main focus. The voices in my head might have accents right now but at least they aren't shouting at each other and calling each other anything worse than "shady bitch." Okay, maybe a little slag and cow as well...but other than that very little name calling. 

Things filter in and we don't notice it. Things shift and we don't pay attention. 

Brent and I talk about it all the time. Like when did "Death Threat" become the go to response to anything you don't like? Someone told a joke you don't like, send them a death threat. Someone voted in a way you don't agree with. Death threat. Store is out of your favorite ice cream flavor? Death threat. 

When everything is responded to in the most extreme ways there is no place to go. 

And when everything is responded to in the most extreme ways we stop viewing them as extreme. 

We are still normalizing really awful behavior.

Rep. Gosar got censured yesterday for tweeting the animated video of him killing AOC. They stood him up and told him it was wrong and what a naughty boy he was and how he can't sit with them on the committees anymore and he left the chamber and...retweeted the same video. Because nobody cares. Or at least nobody who votes for him and those like him. I do not recommend you making an anime video of you killing a coworker and tweeting it though. Odds are you would get fired, possibly get a restraining order against you as well. But in Congress? Hey, death threats are the totally normal response.

So yeah, staying away from the news is a good idea. Because that shit is bananas.

I've also silenced a few of the people I'm friends with online. That's helped. (and yes I just heard RuPaul's voice mixing "Silence! I've made my decision. Now, Bring Back My Girls!" into "Silenced my girls!" I'm telling you I've watched A LOT of Drag Race this week!) And now I'm trying to decide if I just need to let those silenced voices go. For the most part they are people I enjoy if I can keep them away from anything political. I don't think the silenced voices are bad people, those people were tossed a long time ago, they are just people who I "can't even with this bullshit" most of the time they post politics. 

But if I have them silenced then I don't see the things that they post that aren't politics so I'm not sure what to do about that. Because when I do go check on their pages to see what they are up to I just have an overwhelming urge to send a death threat. Kidding. I'm kidding. But I do have to skip over the jaw clenchers to get to the news that is personal stuff. And I'm sure they feel the same way about me. I'm not kidding myself that I'm not just as annoying to them as they are to me. 

Brent decided that Facebook was a timewaster and toxic so he just stopped using it. He's like that. Makes a decision and BAM! done. You all know I'm not that way. I've been thinking about leaving Facebook for about as long as I've been on Facebook. So far the good keeps outweighing the bad, but the balance keeps shifting. I can feel that for sure. 

When the voices in my head are more fun watching a video on my phone instead of scrolling through my feed maybe it's time to start listening to those cheeky buggers...

Or at least for another season and half of shows until I'm all caught up. 

It's Not Negative...

So Steve Bannon Steve Bannoned yesterday as he turned himself in to authorities. He is openly calling for revolution. But anyone who has paid attention to Bannon knew this was coming a long time ago. I mean, he told you that this is what he wanted before Trump ever put him into a White House role. This is a quote from 2010 when he was speaking to a Tea Party organization: “I know all of you guys read history books since you were kids, and you all think, “Hey, if I was there during the Civil War, I'd be right in the middle of it. Or if I was in the Revolution, I would be right there. Or World War II, or the Great Depression. I would be there, in Normandy, I'd do all that." We have that opportunity today, right? They're gonna look back at these ten years, fifteen years - it's gonna take us that long – but we can do it.”

So looking back ten, eleven years later and what do we see? Those people he was talking to are now calling for a Civil War. He knew what he wanted and he has been working toward it since the early 2000s. So when he says that the contempt of Congress charge is going to lead to huge battles we would do well to believe him. 

And the really scary thing about Bannon is that he hasn't just been doing this in the US, he's been doing it all over the world. The rise of the Far Right Populist movement in Europe? That was done with his help. He cultivated that. 

A lot of people here in the States like the cold comfort of saying that Trump was the problem. And even though I agree that Trump is a problem he's a problem that was voted for by millions of people. He's a problem that shows how acceptable the Bannon world view is. He's a problem that has Stephen Miller's fingerprints all over him. He's an easily manipulated figure head. He's basically Reagan in a bad suit. He isn't the problem, he's a problem, the problem is much deeper.

Knowing that Bannon has worked on this world situation for decades and is seeing it come to fruition is terrifying. And maddening. And disheartening. 

To think that while we were all happily going on our merry way thinking about how great it was that marriage equality was finally passed and that it wouldn't be long until we could get basic health care as a right instead of a privilege, while we were thinking about what a more open and accepting world it could become; he was working behind the scenes like some villain in a movie. Whispering in some groups about the evils to come. Shouting about them in different groups. And we were all so sure that moral arc of the universe bends toward justice that we didn't even notice. 

But they did. 

Those that feel like their position at the top of heap was shifting. Or their dreams that they might someday be at the top of the heap were shattering. Because, face it, most of the people that voted for Trump, most of the people that are just ready and waiting for a Civil War are never and were never going to be at the top of that heap. The people manipulating them into fighting and chaos? Top of the heap. They actually have things to lose. They set up a system when Reagan said that the government wasn't the solution it was the problem that benefits them.

Tax breaks. De-regulation. Income inequality. Greed is good. Hoarding wealth is fair. Somehow being rich makes you a GOOD person. All of that is their own playground and you, my friend, are not welcome there. 

But they tell you that you are. 

They tell you that you are just one lucky break away from sitting at the table. 

But that table is rigged. 

Those lucky breaks aren't going to come to most of us. 

It's a lottery.

Worse odds, but still a lottery.

And it doesn't help that they gaslight you in to believing that they were just like you and they did it. Self made is one of the biggest American myths out there. Self made but your parents were rich or well connected or you got a huge tax break incentive to build your company or all of the above, Elon Musk...

But sure. Self made. 

As in we ourselves made them. 

And money is power so it becomes paternalistic really quickly. Which is how our country was founded so that's not new. It isn't a direct democracy because the Founding Fathers were pretty sure with their money and education and did I mention money, they were smarter than the average farmer. I mean if you didn't own land were you really good enough to vote? Their answer was no. If you aren't us you can't vote vote. And right now as the Republican party manipulates voting laws and districts the answer is still if you aren't us you can't vote. Because like the Founding Fathers they are smart enough to know that there are more of us than there are of them so if we all realized that the systems should work for us and not them and voted accordingly? Well better put some limits on that shit. 

Bannon has been working toward what we have happening right now for a long time. His call to his "Army" isn't delusional. He built that. He revels in that. In 2013 he told a reporter that he was a Leninist. That what he was interested in was destroying everything. Everything. And he was going to do it by marching the Republican party further and further to the Right. To the most extreme. 

And he's done it. 

So when Bannon says on the court house steps that he is going on the offensive now? That he is going to take down the "Biden Regime'? That this will be hell for Democrats? 

Well...

Believe him. 

And don't for a fucking second let your guard down. 

Keep voting. Keep moving the US toward the basic human dignity that we all deserve. I know it's super easy to get incredibly cynical and think that nothing is changing, but it is. 

The infrastructure bill might not be as big as we would have liked it but it's something. FOUR years of Infrastructure Week under Trump and Biden got a bill passed within the first year of office. There have been changes. There have been benefits for actual working people. Incremental change is still change and if you let the assholes convince you that not good enough is a good reason to stay home and not vote, or heaven forfend, vote for them, then they will well and truly have won and destruction is imminent. 

Vote like you might not get a chance to vote again. 

That's the positive take away here. I am losing hope but it's not all gone yet. I am worried about the future but I still imagine a future. I am hopeful that the assholes won't win. It's easier to motivate people out of  selfishness and hate, but I am still hopeful that love and decency will prevail. 

Take a page out of Bannon's book. Don't think about what you want tomorrow. Think about what it will take to get to where we want to be. And if we do those things, it will take time, but in 10 or 15 years when we look back we will see that we changed the world for the better. Incrementally. In steps. Whispering in some groups and shouting in others. We said no. No you cannot destroy everything because WE built that shit. Our unionized grandparents built that shit. Our voting rights fighting grandparents marched for that shit. Build Back Better might be corny, but for fuck's sake, destroy the world and let it burn should not be a goal!

We built that shit.
We build that shit. 
We will build it up instead of letting them tear it down. 

Fuck Bannon and his whole world view. 

I'm positive about that. 

Speak On It...

I've been doing a series with Trevor Moawad on iFit this month. It is their November challenge series and on completion they made a donation to the American Cancer Society. 

He was a motivational speaker, a mental conditioning coach. He partnered with Russell Wilson to form a company that dedicated itself to making people stronger mentally to achieve great things.

It was not my favorite series.

I mean, I love a lot of that sort of thing, don't get me wrong. I'm one of the few people who really loved the key note speakers at KFC conferences. I've read a ton of self help and motivational books and blogs. I do really believe that we can improve a lot in our lives just by getting our minds right. 

But he just didn't do it for me. There were a few things that he firmly held forth as truth that I firmly believe are bullshit. So there was that. And it was all mostly sports focused so there was that as well. But every work out I did I tried to pull out at least one thing I could use. And for the most part I did. Even if his overall spiel wasn't for me and I won't be running out and buying his books I still got something out of it. 

And I also was struck by something else. His regrets. They leaked through a lot in this series. I mean, understandable really. No matter how positive he was trying to be he was two years into a battle with cancer and living alone during a pandemic. He actually died in September. I imagine there was a little bit of conversation on releasing the series or not and that's how the donation the ACS came into play. 

Side tangent:
That's actually something that I got out of every single workout. How difficult they must have been. He was incredibly thin and haggard looking. He would pause on the hikes quite often to point out a view, or just take a moment to catch his breath. They must have been incredibly physically taxing. And he still did them. He was out there trying to make a difference until the day he died. That's pretty amazing. 

But then there were those regrets...

His biggest one was his divorce. He talked about not doing what he should have done. He talked about being insecure (she was a model). He talked about decisions that he wished he had made. They were divorced in 2015 and 6 years later he was still talking about it as if it had just happened. Now, the cynic in me wondered if he really regretted losing the marriage or if he regretted how isolated he was now during the pandemic and his cancer battle. Did he miss her or did he hate being alone? If he were healthy and there weren't a pandemic would he be fine with the choices he made?

Like I said, I'm a cynic. 

But it did make me think about what we really want out of life. And how that changes all of the time depending on other circumstances. He made the choices in his marriage to not be there. To work crazy hours. To put his career ahead of their life. And those choices meant she left. At the time he was making those choices I bet they seemed really reasonable and good to him. It wasn't until later that he saw what the consequences were. And he had no way of knowing what the future was going to bring. That he was going to be diagnosed with cancer. That there was going to be a pandemic and the only way to try and ensure he didn't get infected would be to move away from everyone and live in solitude. That it wasn't going to make a difference in the end because cancer is a bastard.

So what do you do with that?

I mean you are constantly making choices and decisions about your life and what you think you want in the future without actually knowing what the future is going to bring. 

Look at our house search. Five years ago we thought we wanted to downsize and move into a small place with only a couple of rooms. Possibly a condo downtown. Then the pandemic came and we realized that we need more than a few rooms. Working and living and entertaining ourselves all from home meant we needed space. And we didn't want a condo downtown because if everything shuts down there is no reason to be there. And riding in an elevator when you aren't sure who was there before you? Forget about it. 

We also didn't realize five years ago that my arthritis was going to become an issue. And it's not yet. Not really. But it's definitely letting me know that it very well could become an issue. That stairs (three levels in our current place) could become daunting. So we shifted what we looked for.

We bought a one level place with what we think will be enough space, though honestly, we both might have gone for even more if we could have found the right place. But who knows if in five years we will think it was actually the right idea? 

I mean 20 years ago when we bought this place we thought getting a townhouse was a great idea. No yard to take care of, perfect! It took us just a little bit of time to realize that we really would like our own yard. And fewer neighbors. Or at least fewer neighbors parking in front of our house. We also bought it for the schools and then sent our kid to magnet schools that only needed us to be in this district, not in this neighborhood. 

But when we bought this place we didn't know all of that. We made the decision we thought was best for us at the time. 

Which is what I really took away from his talks. 

Make good choices for where you are and where you think you want to go. Start today on improving your situation. If you want to get fit, put on your shoes and get moving. If you want to eat better, buy better foods and toss out the junk. If you want your relationships to be stronger, start working on them right now. What do you think you want? Work toward that. If it ends up that it isn't actually what you want then do something else. But keep moving. Keep trying. And as your circumstances change it's okay to change what you are working toward. But pay attention to what is happening so you don't end up in 10 years with a booming company, tight abs, and a really lonely house because everyone who you thought would be there when you were ready to pay attention to them got tired of waiting for you to pay attention to them.

Best soundbites:
In a year from today don't wish you had started today. 
You don't have to be sick to get better. 


I really liked those two. 

And I'm glad I'm done with his series. 

Donation made to American Cancer Society. 

The Day After...

"Why are you going today? I thought it was over yesterday?"

"Just want to make sure nothing was left behind. A lot more people are celebrating than used to. More people means more trash right?"

"But why are you going? Aren't there caretakers?"

Her friends didn't really understand. They tried. But they still didn't really get it. "We are all caretakers. Or we should be. That was the point of the past two days. Honoring our ancestors. Left over trash doesn't really show much respect."

"Well, have fun, I guess?"

When she got to the cemetery she grabbed her back pack and a trash bag out of the trunk of her car. She hoped it wasn't bad, but it was always better to check. 

She was glad that more people were partaking in Día de los Muertos traditions but there was a group that was just treating it as an excuse to party in a graveyard. Her mother called it the commercialization of holidays. Can you make it all about food and drinking? Then it's a good holiday. Hell, they made football games holiday days by adding buffalo dip, right? 

She picked up a few empty beer cans from the walkway. A few candy wrappers that had blown out on to the lawn. Just the normal picnic debris. Not bad so far. 

She stopped at the first gravesites of her family. They had spent the majority of their time with her mother's side of the family this year. She could see where they had tamped down the grass around the family plot. The marks from her grandmother's lawn chair. She was too old now to sit on a blanket. Or as she said, sitting on the blanket was fine, it was the getting up part that was too hard now. 

She opened her backpack and took out a small garden rake and tried to wipe out the marks and freshen the area. After getting the space tidied up she put her hand on the large stone with her family name and sent love out to all of her ancestors that shared the space.

Generations were laid to rest here. Married couples buried in the same plot, one on top of the other. Their children on either side with their spouses buried the same way. The family members who had chosen to be cremated had their ashes buried here as well. Or at least part of their ashes. Her mother's youngest sister had wanted to ride the ocean waves and so only a small handful of ashes was placed with the family and the rest was scattered off the coast of California. 

She kept walking through the cemetery. Her father's side was buried farther back. She had stopped by on Monday to pay her respects even though the picnic would be with her mother's family that year. That was the arrangement her folks had made years and years ago. They would alternate years with their families for each holiday. Christmas one year with hers, one year with his. The families never mixed. They were very different from each other. Her parents loved each other deeply, but they didn't expect their families to feel the same. And they didn't. 

She walked past some of the very old monuments. Tall imposing marble structures. Crypts where entire families were interred together. Coffins placed on shelves lining the walls. She knew that some of the older families would slide out a coffin and place the newly dead family member on top of one long gone. Bodies on bones her father would say. Her mother didn't much like to talk about it. But her father said dying was nothing to be squeamish about. Most everyone was going to do it after all. And then he'd laugh.

She untied the sweater from around her waist and put it on. It was always much chillier back here. Tall trees that didn't let much light in to warm the ground. 

She walked past a few of the older graves. She was in the oldest part of the cemetery now. Gravesites surrounded by decorative fences. She trailed her fingers along a few of them. Whispering greetings to those whose family names she knew. Even some that she only knew from seeing every other year when she would picnic next to the fence of her own family plot. 

She frowned when she saw one of the older headstones that was toppled over. She went to inspect the area but couldn't tell if it was the last storm that had caused it to fall or drunks screwing around. She made a note to contact the caretakers to have it put right. It would be too heavy for her to move on her own. 

She finally reached her destination. She took a deep breath and shook her head. Drunks. Probably the same ones who had toppled the headstone. She wished people would respect traditions. She wished people would ask why things were done the way they were done. But she knew that the way the world worked now it wouldn't matter. People didn't understand. 

It was going to take awhile to clean all of this up. She put her backpack down on the ground and got out the various herbs and potions she carried with her at all times. She was going to have to work quickly to clean the plot and bury the new trash before dark. 

She just wished people asked more questions. 

Cold iron. 

Twenty feet deep.

But it didn't matter if you opened the gate. 

November!

Quick post to keep up my posting on the first day of the month streak. 

Last month things moved along nicely. I am basically at the goal for the weight I wanted to lose with two months to spare. I'm 9 books away from reading as many books as I wanted to. I've got one more Discworld to read. I'm about 20 blogs short of writing with half of those needing to be fiction. I actually got a fiction piece submitted and have some leads for a couple of others. I'm within striking distance of everything is basically what I'm saying. 

Which is where I should be for November. 

So as long as (KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD) things don't fall to shit I should be good for my weird and exceptionally long list of 2021 goals. 

Nice.

November's extra challenge is around positive posting. Trying to not post negative things this month. 

Now, I don't actually think I'm a huge negative poster but I do at times and I'm trying to shift what I take in so I decided I should try to shift what I put out as well.

It will be a huge challenge this month. From the silly (sports) to the serious (Supreme Court cases) to the surreal (January 6 investigations) there is a lot that really is begging for just some vicious take down snark. 

But...

I will leave it to others. 

I hope.

Like I said, I didn't really think this one through when I decided to do it. Which happens to me all the time when I'm setting goals. I'm more of an aspirational deal with the details later sort of goal setter. 

Also I have an idea for a short story around Day of the Dead celebrations but not sure I'll have time to write it today so it will be the November 2 celebration. Taking the full holiday this year. 

And with that mentioned I need to finish up our remembrance dinner prep. Didn't make an ofrenda (still don't trust Tig) but I did plan a meal that has some fun honoring moments for each of our parents. And totally fun eating for us as health food isn't really in the cards for this right? 

Pizza for Jack.
Margarita for Ann.
Chocolate covered peanuts for Ruby.
Candy orange slices for Marshall. 

Sweets, pizza and booze for us. It all works out. 

¡Feliz Día de los Muertos!