Voices In My Head...

I hear voices in my head. 

I mean, I guess you all knew that already. 

I write fiction. You can't write fiction without hearing voices in your head. 

But those aren't the only voices in my head. 

There are a lot of voices in my head. Sometimes it's my mother. Sometimes it's my father. Sometimes it's other voices from the past.

Last week I dropped a knife when I was pulling a plate over the counter to the sink. I jumped out of the way so it didn't land on my toes, but it did scrape my leg on the way by. Not a bad cut, almost looked like a bit of road rash kind of scrape. 

When it happened I heard an exasperated: "Darlin...at least you didn't try and catch it this time. But pants and steel toe boots in the kitchen."

"Even if the pants are on backwards?"

"Touché. But then again I'm not the one bleeding out."

*sigh*

Everything about that conversation is from ones held in the past. From the darlin to the time I tried to catch a knife out of instinct and JUST pulled my hand back in time to not close on the blade to the backward pants and the word touché. All still in my head ready to form new conversations with a friend who is no longer here. 

When I get dressed and put on something a little more revealing than I'm comfortable with I hear my friend Marcy as I'm putting on a lace modesty panel, or adjusting a scarf magnet to keep the neck closed a little. Trying to get it all adjusted just right and her voice says, "Or...just leave it the way it is." She's a lot bolder with my cleavage than I am. 

I hear Dana's voice either gently telling me I could write just a little something today and see how I feel about it, no pressure, or other times agreeing with me that YouTube videos totally count as research. She's supportive like that. 

I have so many conversations with Brent in my head that I have to ask him sometimes if we really talked about something or if it was all just me.

Today it was Sara's turn. 

"I need to trim my bangs."

"DO NOT do that when they are wet."

"I KNOW. You taught me how to trim them in case of emergency a long time ago."

"Your hair is wet."

"I'm just looking at them right now to see how much I want to take off."

"I can see the scissors in your hand."

"I'm just holding them to reinforce the idea that I really need to trim them and not forget again."

"DO NOT TRIM THEM WHEN THEY ARE WET." 

"I'M NOT GOING TO."

(stern voices, not shouting, we don't yell)

"I'd believe you a lot more if you put down the scissors."

"Fine! I'll go make the bed and wait for them to dry. Happy?"

"Show me when you are done and I'll let you know."

"See? Not much off, they are dry and any real issues you can fix in a few weeks."

I'm assuming she is fine with it. And already knows she's going to have to trim off a lot more in a few weeks so all of the things she can see I did wrong will be fixed then. 

There are a lot of voices in my head. And I argue with all of them...