Strident...

"I'm sorry if I sounded like I was lecturing. Though to be fair I was lecturing."

"No worries. I just knew that there wasn't a way to write what I wanted to say and make it sound like what I wanted to say. And I knew if I called you'd be able to have this talk without..."

"Lecturing? Ha!"

She meant without me getting mean and nasty. That I would be able to explain what I needed her to understand without calling her names or making her feel small. The phone conversation ended with declarations of love and more understanding than would have been garnered otherwise. 

But I was lecturing.

And I know I was. 

But the reason for a lecture is to transfer facts from one person to another. And I happen to know a lot about the subject. So yeah, sometimes I'm going to lecture.

I do a lot of it through the blog. Think of them as lecture notes in the syllabus. 

I do some of it through fiction. Those conversations we all have in our heads I just write down and make them a little story. 

I still do some in my head. AND ANOTHER THING!

And yeah, I do it online and in conversations as well. 

There is a picture of me and Katie at Tillamook Cheese Factory. She's a teenager, it was during a visit with my parents, we drove out and did the tour. In the picture it's me, Katie and my brother Jeff in the upstairs viewing area looking down at the factory floor (in the old building). My mouth is open and my hand is palm up like I'm holding something flat in my palm while I talk. 

When I posted it a few of the women I worked with said that they totally recognized that pose. It was the "Denise is holding court" pose. What happened when I was explaining something. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's a subconscious gesture, Here I'm giving you this. But I thought it was funny that they recognized it. That's what happens when you are 20 years older than everyone you work with; you are the lecturer.

Most of them probably saw it the first time they told me they didn't go to college to make copies and get coffee. Oh yeah, you did, just your instructors forgot to tell you that was part of the job. At least at a small agency it was.

So yeah, I get it. I can be a bit strident. I can tend to lecture. But it's only because I still think you're worth my time and energy. When I stop explaining things to you. When I don't engage at all. When I don't feel compelled to show you why something is important, well that's when you know I've given up on you. I've decided you aren't capable of change and are not worth my resources. 

You can take the lecture as a blessing or a curse depending on how you feel about me.