So Tired...

I thought I hit the wall yesterday. I was that level of tired where anything that might even be tangential to moving I was tearing up. No self regulating of emotions left in the tank. Just beat. At one point Tig crawled into my lap and fell asleep and I couldn't decide if I was sad because I really needed to get the chores on my list knocked out or if I was glad because I might fall asleep too. I landed on mad because no matter that I was exhausted there was no nap in my cards. 

Just hit the wall. 

But I rallied. I geared up all of my energy and broke through!

Only to find out there was another wall behind that wall and because I was running full tilt I really smacked into it today. 

I have always had insomnia. And I normally deal with it just fine. But every once in awhile I'll get a stretch that is brutal. I'm on week two of not getting quite enough sleep. Which is worse, in a way, than when I get no sleep. Because that will only last about three days before everything just shuts down and I sleep. SLEEP. But when I'm getting just the other side of enough it starts to wear on me. Three hours here. Four hours there. One glorious stretch of almost 5. It's enough to keep going but not enough to feel great. 

I feel good... nah nah nah nah nah nah....

Which is where today's reel came from. When I'm this tired my mind starts to loop and get loopy in turn. Things become REALLY funny to me. And I get more obsessive about words or phrases than what is "normal" for me. Which is pretty obsessive anyway. I get a little goofy. Or even goofier than normal. 

I also get a much shorter fuse and my filter falls off. So I get meaner than normal as well. It's a tightrope of emotional responses. 

You pays your money and you takes your chances...

And it's a constant onslaught of randomness. Uncontrolled randomness unlike the normal randomness that my mind usually is. 

What I'm trying to say is that sleep is really important and you should be grateful for every full night of it you get. 

Brent has an early meeting tomorrow so he'll leave for work tonight. The meeting is in California, just to be clear. 

Often when he travels the cats spend the night looking for him. Every few hours they wander through the house crying. It's sweet. And annoying. And I have a feeling if they do it tonight I'll cry with them. 

Wish us all luck....