This was the year that I thought I might finally feel celebratory for August again.
I'll back up, way up, for anyone who might be new around here.
When I was growing up I can remember two birthdays standing out. And technically I can only really remember one. One I have a picture of and have these vague memories but I'm not sure that they are really memories or things people have told me or things I've mixed in. ANYWAY...when I was three we were in Iowa visiting my mom's family for the annual trip. Normally that was July, I think, but we were there in August one year. There is a picture of me standing next to my birthday cake. Just mine. Not shared.
That's a big deal because I never had a solo birthday. I have a large family and so celebrations were often done as a month thing. My Aunt Lucille, cousin Todd and brother John all had August birthdays as well so we had a family dinner and called it good. Aunt Lucille loved creamed tacos (sounds gross but they are delicious) and John loved German Chocolate Cake so that's what we had for dinner. Now, I love those things as well, my sister Ann's German Chocolate Cake is one of my very favorite things in the world, but I never got them by my choice. Just because that's what we had. Every year. And that was that. Todd got another birthday celebration from his folks, but mine were like, that's done and that was it.
Which is why the other birthday I remember sticks out. My 16th. Nobody remembered it. Closest I've ever come to living a John Hughes movie. But at least Andi's dad does remember that night. For my family my birthday celebration had already happened the weekend before and so done. My 16th was also the first day of school my junior year. Which was just adding insult to well insult. My friend Matt shared my birthday and also my feeling that this was not cool so we cut out half way through the day and went to the mall.
That was it for my birthdays during childhood.
My 18th birthday Matt had me come join his party. My 19th birthday Brent threw me a party with the people I worked with and the people he was in Navy A school with. So basically two parties with mostly people I didn't know but sort of for me (though Matt's was his party with me tagging along because he COULD NOT handle me not celebrating our 18th). My 20th birthday (The Magic Birthday, the one where you turn your age on the date of your birth) Brent bought me roses and we went to dinner. My 21st we drove around to various convenience stores buying booze trying to get someone to card me. It took me putting my hair in pigtails and looking nervous before someone finally bit.
Then for years I didn't really do anything at all. Birthdays didn't mean anything to me. I hadn't celebrated as a kid, I hadn't found a reason to celebrate them as an adult. Brent finally broke me down, so I started celebrating my birthday with a movie and dinner. Then more movies so I'd stretch it to birthday weekend, I think one year we got four movies fit in. Then I started celebrating birthday month. I told him I was going to make up for lost time. But I didn't want it to be just me celebrating so I created Cake and Compliments month.
For the month of August I would remind people to give each other compliments, to say the nice things out loud, and to have your favorite treats. And to think of me while you did it. Which, I'm not going to lie, was a lot of fun. Social media made that something really cool. People would post pictures of treats they were having and would tag me when they complemented each other. It was great.
Then five years ago Mom died. It wasn't a sudden death, she had been in failing health for awhile. We had gone home that spring to see her because I just knew it was going to be her last year. But she decided at the beginning of August that she was done. So we waited as she faded away. Almost the entire month of August was spent waiting on her to die. Getting updates on how close to dying she was that day. Last phone calls, last pictures. Talking with my siblings more than I probably have my entire adult life. Put together. But mostly just waiting.
Which was, as you can imagine, not great.
And that was the end of birthday month. I tried the next year to pull it together and pretend but it just wasn't there and it hasn't been. Brent's been more bummed about it than I have. For me it's just what it is. I have fond memories of the small stretch of time, comparatively, that I celebrated and the variety of ways that I did, with especially strong positives around C&C month, but I'm not sad to let them go. They are just seasons that passed.
But I thought I might give it a try this month just to see if I could recapture it a bit. Mostly so Brent would stop being so bummed that I lost it.
And then Intel announced that they were slashing their workforce by 15,000 people.
Well fuck.
There goes August Augusting again.
I'll write that blog, the one this one was going to be before I got caught up in backstory, soon. Tomorrow or this weekend for sure.
Until then, happy August, check your wallets and count your rings, she's a tricky one!
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