Covid Conversations...

"Your butterfly wings are like..." Brent spreads his arms wide and brings them down in a rush.

"I guess so!"

That was part of the porch conversation last night. We had been talking about the changes in schedules and normal activity. I/we had already decided that we weren't renewing our season tickets for Michigan football or for Broadway Across America this season and I said when I had decided to make 2020 a year with no goals and less tickets I hadn't actually meant to make EVERYONE do it.

Brent said that's what happens when you are goalless! (There were other jokes made but they were darker than most people find funny so I'll leave them out) Then he did the butterfly wing part and I laughed and laughed.

Because in a way it does feel like that. I had talked for years about a year with no goals and always talked myself out of it. How bad would my ennui get with no goals? Would I just turn into a couch living slug? Would I write if I didn't have a number to strive for? Would I go to the gym if I wasn't chasing my next star? The answers: so bad, yes, not much and not at all...and I'm dragging all of you with me!

So maybe it's not a great test year for no goals. But I am glad that don't have any. I'm already feeling like a boring couch slug who couldn't write if you spotted her a first line, middle paragraph and excellent closing twist. If I had my completely made up yet somehow driving goals I wasn't reaching on top of that? Oh no...

But I am feeling a bit too rudderless right now. Sloth has taken over hidden behind grief as a shield. Indulgence has done the same thing.

So...

They aren't goals. Not really. But I am going to make some changes to try and break out of the bog. First off, what we talked about yesterday, just sitting down and writing every day. Hopefully they won't all be lazy brain dumps like this one, but they might be. And that's okay. It's getting the gears running again that is important right now.

Also I've penned in a chore a day next week. Something that needs taken care of in the house. Just some extra cleaning or sorting. Taking care of things that I've let slide. Yes, I let chores slide just like everyone else. I just have good tidying skills so it's not always apparent. Except to Brent and unless it's REALLY bad he is smart enough to shush.

And I'm going to make sure I get a work out in every day. I do miss the gym. I miss having weights to lift. We keep trying to decide if we want to give it a go, gyms are open in our area, and keep coming down on the side of no, not really. Heavy breathing and sweating with strangers just seems like a bad idea. But I've gotten so soft. My weight has gone up a few pounds net but the trade of muscle for fat means it's a worse shift than the scale is showing. So video cardio, yoga and body weight strength moves it is. Gotta stop the slide even if I can't really make the strength improvements that I'd rather be doing.

Food? Yeah, no. Not yet. I'm honestly thinking it will be September before I'm ready to give up the comfort food. I know I don't feel the burning desire I will need to do it right now. I know August is completely out of the question. So September. Maybe. We will see.

So not actually goals but something...

If the virus suddenly goes away you can be impressed with my butterfly wings as well.

Until then,
Wash your hands
Keep your distance
Wear your fucking masks!