I resolve to....

You all know I don't generally do New Year's Resolutions. Spring, Birthday and Fall seem to be my biggest times for changes. This year though I am thinking about some changes and they will happen to line up with the new year so I guess they count.

You know I love my challenges. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't. Just now finishing up my third round of picture a day challenge. This last time I used a cued shot list from Fat Mum Slim. It's been interesting and a new way of looking at things. Different than the last two shot a day challenges I did where I could just take a picture of whatever struck my fancy. Now I still did a bit of that with the cued shot, I just had to get creative on how it fit the theme. She is doing lists for 2013 and I have looked but I think I will pass this year. 

The six month fit challenge from last year wasn't successful in a traditional way but I count it as a success because I did get a lesson out of it all. The lesson being that I am old. Okay, that's a little harsh, but the lesson was that I cannot push my body to do something beyond what it can do and expect good results. Because I am old. Wait, let me try that again. I'm not as young as I used to be and now I must be smarter about how I take care of myself. Moderation is even more important than it used to be. Swinging to extremes used to be something to test out, now it's something to avoid. It also was a good reminder for me to keep an out on my eating. Skinny bitch is there just waiting to pounce at any moment of weakness. I have to make sure I am not playing the "if I ate exactly my calories yesterday let's see if I can go half that today!" game. I also got back in to exercising on a more regular basis and so even if I'm not doing the crazy schedule I started with I am still more active than I was and that means a healthier me. Now this year I just have to keep repeating the "I don't need to lose weight, I just need to stay healthy" mantra.

Writing challenges are always a repeat on my cycle. Writing a new blog every day. Or every week. Writing a piece of fiction every week for you all to read. I go back to those again and again. And every time I do I think, this time it will stick and I will be more consistent with my writing! And I am...until I'm not. There are a lot of things I am still working out in my head with my writing. What do I want to do with it all? Should I do another push at getting something published? Should I self publish? Do I need to publish in any other format than this one or does this give me what I need? Money isn't a big motivator for me (obviously) and generally when something becomes actual work or a job I lose interest in it fairly quickly. I like to do things for the sake of doing them. And right now writing is firmly in that category. But I also like to have what I've written read. So publishing would push it towards that area more. I'm not sure yet. So I think I will do a few more challenges where writing is concerned and see what I discover.

Facebook. You all know I starting cutting back in August. And I have. Sort of. I am ready to cut back again though. I've noticed that if I log on in the morning then I will lose hours of my day. Brent says "Are you enjoying it?" and I am. So he says, "Then why change?" Well...because I think I am missing something. I'm not sure what just yet, but there are other things I want to do and they take time. So Facebook will get another time culling here in the new year. Which is why I won't be doing the 2013 picture challenge. One less excuse to "have to log on."

And here are some of the things I will fill my time with: 

More writing. You knew this was going to be on the list right? I am trying to work out in my head how to challenge myself to get a book done without the end game being getting it published and see how that goes. I have a collection of short stories I've been working on for years that I think will make a book. I just need to actually focus on them and get them done. Then there are two series on here that I've put out there for you all that I want to work on as well. See where they lead. So that's three fiction pieces that need time. Along with all of the other ideas that will pop in here and there, as they do. As well as the nonfiction things. I have a piece about politics/guns/critical thinking that I have been mulling in my head that needs to come out soon.

Cooking. I know right? This one is a shocker for us all but I want to cook more. I have fought it and fought it and fought it. But when I did the two week challenge last summer I actually enjoyed it, and I discovered that I would rather eat my own cooking than go out. Going out is just easy. So this is one that is going to take a shift in the way I run my life. Brent is fine with going to the grocery store so instead of feeling like I have to do this task on my own since I'm the housewife we will do it on the weekends just like when I was working outside the house. And then most days during the week he can have the car. I have what I need here at the house, my workout room is downstairs, my writing desk is right here, my kitchen will be stocked and if I need something the grocery store is within walking distance. So unless I have an errand I have to run he can drive and I will have time to cook. 

Working out. Still on the list. Just instead of twice a day 6 times a week we are looking at a good decent solid week being once a day 5 days a week. That's enough to keep my weight stable while I eat what I want and to keep my heart and brain healthy.

And the last thing I will be working on this year is deciding if I want to stay a housewife. I find myself thinking about going back to work more and more. I'm just not sure as what. I have a list of what I don't want to dos, but I really don't have a list of what I want to try nexts yet.  But with C's college loans coming due soon and thinking about selling this place and moving downtown it might just be time to close out the stay at home mom who stayed at home when her kid left challenge. Maybe. Or who knows, once I get in to the full swing of more writing and cooking I might decide I don't want to change a thing...

Yeah, right.....

Dear Sears, I can see how this could be frustrating for you....

My dryer broke this past weekend. Stopped tumbling. You could push the buttons, the lights would come on but as far as functionality goes, that was out the window. I contacted Sears to do the repairs. It's a Kenmore, we bought it there, it seemed logical that the repair would be easiest through them. Of course it was going to be a few days before they could get a technician out, that's the way it goes. So yesterday was my day. My window was from 8-12. Don't you love how we've all been trained that a 4 hour window is reasonable?

Anyway, I considered myself lucky because the repairman showed shortly after 11. He diagnosed the problem as two blown fuses which he happened to have in his truck and he fixed it right up. The entire time he was in the house was less than a half hour. I was thrilled, for one load of laundry. Then the dryer stopped heating. Still tumbling so I was ahead of where I was this weekend, but a dryer without heat is pretty worthless.  So I called the "call this number if you have any problems, it's been a pleasure helping you" number that Ahmed showed me on the receipt as he was leaving.

So I call and a nice phone operator from someplace else answered. Oh she is very sorry for my inconvenience and she understands how frustrating this could be for me. She will get a hold of the local dispatcher who will call me back. If they cannot get to me today then tomorrow might be the soonest. Fine. Just need to get it working again. Thank you for your help.  I hang up and wait for that call from the local dispatcher. Two hours later I call back. I get another very nice phone operator who apologizes for my inconvenience and understands my frustration. They will get someone local back to me right away. Thank you for being a valued customer. 

So THIS MORNING I call again. And again I get someone far far away. This time I say I want to talk to someone local now. Well, they can't do that but they will have someone call me. And they understand my frustration. So I go to their chat with a service rep function on their website. I had tried this last night but got nothing but "no service representatives are available, please try again later" Today I got someone. AH HA! Finally someone at a computer who can fix my issue. Guess what? He's very sorry for my inconvenience and understands how frustrated I must be. He pulls up my records and can schedule a follow up visit. In two weeks. TWO WEEKS.  I typed, without the extra words I said in my head, Are you kidding me? This is a second visit for a repair mistake that was done. Oh he understands how frustrating it can be to be without a dryer but that's the best they can do. I told him it was unacceptable and that I would be terminating my relationship with Sears at this point and would be telling everyone I know about my experience. His response? Sorry for your frustration. If you contact us later we cannot guarantee this appointment will still be available so would you like to go ahead and book it. I politely typed no and signed off of chat.

Then I went and checked their Facebook page, just for kicks. Every customer complaint is greeted with an apology and how they understand the frustration.Sears, I have a few words of advice for you, and for any other retail customer service oriented company out there, saying that I am a valued customer and that you understand my frustration is not the same as treating me as such.  Ignoring me, not calling me back, not dealing with the issue in a timely manner. All of those things show me that I am in fact not a valued customer. Giving your employees a script to follow (apologize, let the customer know you understand their frustration) is worthless if there is no service behind the words. 

And I understand your frustration now that I am no longer a customer at all. And I am sorry that I will be telling everyone I see why I am no longer a customer and suggesting they do the same. Signed Former Sears Customer who is BEYOND frustrated! 

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams....

Previously on...

Janine opened the door to the bathroom, "I'm leaving you some fresh towels and one of my robes you can wear when you are done showering. I'm getting a glass of wine, did you want one or did you just want me to wring a glass out of your dress?"

"Very very funny! I will take the wine, thank you. Be out soon."

Lori had been at the anniversary party of her ex-boyfriend Zach's parents. Janine had wanted to come along but the invitation was Lori only, no plus one, so she had been stuck waiting to hear all about it when Lori was finished for the evening. The original plan had been to meet for drinks after the event but Lori sent her a text earlier asking if she could just come over and said Janine would understand why when she got there. Fifteen minutes ago she had opened her door to find her friend Lori looking like a drowned rat and reeking of champagne. "I'll tell you all about it as soon as I get cleaned up. Can I borrow some sweats or something and your shower?" Since then Janine had cleaned up the trail of booze from her front door to her bathroom and gotten ready to hear what was bound to be a doozy of a story. 

Lori came out of the bathroom drying her hair. She took one look at the smile on her friend's face and just started laughing. "If it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't believe it!"

"Okay, details, details."

Lori settled down on the couch ready to tell Janine about her evening.  Where to even begin on what had to be one of the weirdest nights of her life?

"Okay, so you know I was debating even going and especially when I found out the invitation was just for me and I couldn't even bring a support friend I had my doubts. But Trish and Al have been so good to me and I know they really did want me there and...."

"...and you couldn't let Cassie think that hiding your invitation was okay."

"Well, yes, that too." Lori had to admit that not going would have been a much easier decision to make if it hadn't been for Cassie trying to prevent her from going. She knew that was childish, but it didn't change that's how she felt.

"So I got there and I planned on not staying too long. Just long enough to be respectful of Trish and Al and give them my best wishes, maybe hear a toast or two and then I was going to make my exit. So I am talking to Trish and she is gesturing at someone frantically but trying to hide it from me, like she doesn't want to be obvious that she is doing it. And over walks this guy that looks sort of familiar but I can't really place him. And she tells me, 'Lori, you remember Sam don't you? Sam is my friend Adrianne's son, I believe you met once at the lake house. He's recently moved back to the city.'"

"No!"

"Yes! The reason why my invitation wasn't a plus one was because Trish had plans to fix me up with her friend's son! The mother of my ex-boyfriend is trying to fix me up with the son of her friend at her anniversary party! She sent Sam to go get us both a drink and leans in to tell me all about Sam's good points. He has a good job, he comes from a good family, he doesn't want to get married right now. I couldn't believe it! My mouth must have been hanging open because then she says to me, 'It's been six months, Lori, just because you and Zach didn't work out doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy. And as soon as Zach sees the light with that girl I will find someone for him to be happy with as well. You are going to be part of my family forever, even if it's not by being married to my son.' Which was so sweet to say, and so weird to hear!"

"She really is a lovely woman. But really? Fixing you up without warning you?"

"Which is what I said and then she pointed out that if I knew it was a fix up I wouldn't have come, which is true. And being the mom she is she told me that Sam didn't know anything about the set up and that I needed to be polite and not take it out on him. And then she left me there with him as soon as he got back with the drinks."

"Oh how awkward."

"You would think so right? But it turns out he is really funny and nice and she was right we totally hit it off. And it helped that he admitted right away that he knew it was a fix-up and that it was a little odd to him that Trish would try and set him up with Zach's ex-girlfriend but that he remembered me from the lake house visit and decided it might not be that weird after all."

"Smooth."

"Yeah, I know, it was pure flattery but it worked. So anyway, as we were talking Zach and Cassie arrive. Zach went over to hug his mother and while he was doing that Cassie notices me there. The look on her face went from pleasant to pissed back to pleasant in 3.5 seconds. If you hadn't been looking you would have missed it completely. Sam leans over to me and says, 'I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's not your biggest fan.' I had to laugh. So they come over to us to say hello."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. Zach and Sam are friends and have been for years, so it's the whole, Hey buddy, didn't know you were in town we should get together and do manly adventure things and let me introduce you to my girlfriend Cassie. Which made her beam at me instead of looking at Sam so she missed his hand for the handshake and ended up sort of poking him in the stomach."

"Oh my god! Seriously? How funny is that?"

"Well I thought so, but apparently she did not. I got the death glare when I laughed at Sam's exaggerated Ooof! And Zach who hadn't been looking at Sam and Cassie's missed handshake had no idea what was going on at all. He just knew it wasn't going well so he made his excuses and took Cassie off to meet more people at the party. Which was then Al's cue to come check on Sam and me."

"Poor Al."

"Yep, poor guy. You know he had no idea that Trish was going to try and set Sam and I up and that the awkwardness between Trish and Cassie and Cassie and me was just almost too much for him. So anyway he comes over and shakes Sam's hand and gives me a hug and a kiss and asks how we are and all of that. Then Cassie practically drags Sam back over to see him and goes in for a hug of her own from Al. Which would have been fine if he had been paying attention instead of turning to look for Trish so Cassie's hug ended up looking like a lunge."

Janine tried not to laugh but there was nothing else really to do. "Oh gosh, it just gets worse for her doesn't it?"

"Oh yes, and here is the part that sealed her night I am sure. After she missed the lunge/hug attempt and before she and Zach could walk away his Aunt Doris came over to say hello. Now apparently Aunt Doris hadn't been informed when Zach and I split. So she starts in on how lovely it is to see us and what a great couple we are and how wonderful it is for us to see the example his parents have set for a long healthy relationship, then she turns to Sam and asks him to introduce his date, pointing at Cassie."

"She didn't!"

"She did. And Zach was too stunned to say anything so Sam introduced her to Cassie! Then she wandered back off to visit with the rest of the crowd!"

"Zach didn't clarify that Cassie was his date not you? Oh that's not going to go well for him."

"Not at all. Cassie stormed off in a huff, Sam apologized to Zach but said he felt like someone should say something to Doris. Zach apologized to Sam for putting him in that spot, told me it was nice to see me and then ran after Cassie to try and smooth things over. Which I thought he had, because a few minutes later they were back in the ballroom and she looked pacified."

"I take it she wasn't really?"

"No, not really. Every time I looked up it seemed like she was glaring at me. So I decided that I had had enough oddness for the evening and I had made a long enough appearance to be respectful of Trish and Al. Also it seemed like I needed to get out of there if there were any shot of Zach and Cassie having a good time. So I went to Trish and Al to make my goodbyes and tell them congratulations and all of that good stuff.  Sam offered to get me my coat from coat check so I went and waited in the hallway for him. So while I am out there I am watching them set up the ballroom next to Trish and Al's party for a wedding reception. I thought it was a really nice thing to have a new marriage being celebrated next to a marriage of 40 Years so I was smiling to myself. That's when Cassie walked up."

"Here were go."

"Oh yes, she was smiling but it was one of those painted on grins that almost looked painful. I said, 'Cassie, you look lovely tonight. I hope you are enjoying the party.' I was trying to be nice and think What Would Trish Do? And she drops her smile and tells me that she knows I showed up to try and make her look foolish. And that she knows Zach and I went for coffee and that I am trying to steal him back. I told her that I was glad she knew we went for coffee and that it wasn't really a big deal and that I wasn't trying to win him back at all. That I was at the party because Trish had invited me. And then she messed up. She told me that she knew I had crashed because there was no way I got an invitation."

"Uh oh."

"Yep. So then I look at her and ask why she would think that. My invitation had been delayed, but I had received it in time. I described it to her. The design, the RSVP card and asked again why she was so sure I hadn't gotten one. Did she think it had gotten lost with a little help? That's when she realized she was busted. I looked at her and said, 'He didn't tell you he found it did he? Tucked up under the couch cushion? And the funny thing is, Cassie, if you had let him mail it in the first place I probably wouldn't have come.' That's when she lost her freaking mind. She pushed me!"

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah, pushed me and I lost my balance and fell right in to the champagne fountain they were wheeling in to the wedding reception."

Janine burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, sorry, I just...oh my gosh I can so picture it!"

Lori laughed as well. "It was like slow motion. She pushed me I stepped back and stepped on one of the caterer's feet and then lost my balance completely and fell right in to the fountain.  Knocked it right over. Champagne went everywhere, I was soaked, the floor was soaked. And you know what? It's wasn't a stack of glasses like you would think, they are all stuck together with like glue or something. It's a giant plastic piece. I never knew that."

"Only you would notice things like that after you had been shoved in to a fountain!"

"I know, I know but that was kind of cool. And what was I going to do at that point shove her back and end up in a soap opera cat fight? Anyway Sam saw the whole thing. He had come back out with my coat and saw her shove  me and came over to help me up. He looked at her and said, 'Go back to the party, Cassie. And you should probably figure out what you are telling Zach since at least three ladies over there by the restroom saw everything and the gossip should be all over the ballroom in just a few minutes.' Then he asked the caterer if they had any extra towels I could use and walked me out to my car and put the towels down on my seat so I didn't soak my car and asked me if I wanted to go get dinner next week."

"After all of that?"

"After all of that. And that's how I came to be on your doorstep soaked in champagne. Cheers!" Lori held her glass out to Janine.

"Cheers to the best party story I've ever heard!"

Just then Lori's phone started to ring. She looked down at the caller ID and switched it to silent. "It's Zach. I need to finish drinking this glass and maybe a few more before I take that call."

"Maybe tomorrow."

"Maybe. Or Monday at the latest."

Lost and found...

Part 1

Part 2

While Janine was in the kitchen getting the bottle of wine she heard Lori's phone ring. Since they hadn't really gotten going on the drinking she decided to let her answer it instead of confiscating it as she had promised her friend earlier. She came back in to the living room and caught Lori's eye as she mouthed OH MY GOD at her and then IT'S ZACH.  Well this is going to be interesting.

Janine wandered back in to the kitchen so she wouldn't be tempted to try and eaves drop on Lori's conversation. No need to eaves drop on the half she could hear when she knew Lori would spill all of the details as soon as she hung up anyway. Which didn't take long.

"OH MY GOD! You aren't going to believe this!" Came the shout from the living room.

Janine came back out with the bottle again and refilled their glasses, "Can't wait to hear what was so important he called so soon!"

"So, it seems like our visit bothered him a little."

"He told you he was stressed out over your meeting?"

"Not in so many words. You know he stress cleans right? When he is really thinking hard about something he just tears the house apart cleaning everything. I used to say I didn't Spring Clean I just picked a fight with Zach and let him handle it. Anyway...seems like after we met he went home and started cleaning. And when he took the cushions off of the couch to vacuum guess what he found?"

"The picture from the cruise?"

"No, though that would have been a good one as well. He found my invitation to his parent's party. It had been tucked up under the cushion."

"Oh so it didn't get lost, it just fell out while he was working on them?"

"That's what I said, and he said it couldn't have happened that way. That he was responsible for mailing them and had them all at the house to put stamps on them, which he did, at the kitchen table, then he left them on the key table by the front door to take them in to mail them. They were never near the couch. The only way it could have gotten under the cushion is if someone put it there."

"Cassie..."

"Yep, that's what he thinks. He thinks Cassie saw it in the box, or went looking for it, and when she found it she stashed it thinking she would go back for it later and either forgot it was there or she hasn't had a chance to sneak it back out yet."

"Oh my god..."

"I know right?"

"I'm kind of surprised he told you about it."

"Me too. I think he just meant to tell me he found the invitation and then all of the rest just sort of spilled out. So he dropped it in the mail and it's on its way. Now I have to decide what to do about it when it comes."

"Does this change your mind? What do you think?"

"Well, I had pretty much decided that I wouldn't go, but how dare she take the choice away from me? And from Trish and Al? And even from Zach? So I am sort of thinking now that I will go. Maybe just for a little bit anyway. What do you think?"

"It could be tense. It could be really awkward. But I guess I just need to know one thing."

"What?"

"Can I be your plus one?"

I am Insomnious of Borg...

Last night I discovered that my guided relaxation sleep CD ends with a long stretch of music. The night before I discovered that there is a part in there about a box under a tree that has a key in it and you unlock another box with it. The first night I only made it down the escalators and in to the field. Then in to the field and to the tree. Then to the tree but never past the part where you write Relax on the chalk board three times. Can you see what happened there? As the nights listening to it progressed I got farther and farther in to the playing. And to be honest I am fairly pleased it took over a week for it to completely stop working.

Oh yes, it could have just been last night and I could use it tonight and pass right out on the escalator again, but the odds aren't strong for that. See, I have adapted to and overcome almost every single sleep cure I have ever tried. I am an insomniac and that's just the way it goes. I have never been a good sleeper. I thought for years that everyone was like me. That we all went to bed at night and then lay awake most of it waiting until morning. It wasn't until high school that I discovered that most people actually slept all the way through the night! Like 8 or more hours! Crazy! I go to bed and stay in bed for 8, 9 on the weekends, but I sleep about 4 on a normal night. A really good night for me is 6, a bad one is 2 and I have stretches where it's pretty much nothing. The most I have gone without sleep at all is three days. Which is when the crazy starts. You start seeing and hearing things that aren't there and then your body shuts down and sleeps because it has to. But even then I will only get the few hours that I am used to.

I read an article recently that described people like me as functional insomniacs. I like that. Because I am. Unless I get absolutely the worst sleep for more than a few nights in a row I do pretty well. I am just fine on 4 though I would rather have 6. I have tried any number of things to sleep better. Down time with no electronics for an hour before bed. No TV watching in the bedroom. No caffeine after a certain time. Melatonin pills. Valerian root. Exercise  Guided relaxation. Over the counter sleep aids. And they all work. For awhile. Then my body adapts and overcomes and I am back to little sleep. And usually I get a few days of very very little sleep like my body is making up for the lack of sleep.

What you aren't seeing on the list of things I have tried are the prescription pills. I don't want to do those and my doctor agrees with me. See as a kid I was a sleep walker. I still talk in my sleep at times. And when I was younger my brother came home a few times to find me eating in my sleep. So if I do that normally can you even imagine what I would be capable of on the pills that can cause it? No thank you. That and I hate drugs like that. They tend to make me sleep, sure, but not SLEEP and then I am groggy and off my game the next day anyway, so what is the point?

I also read an article recently about how before the widespread use of electric lights broken sleep was normal. That people wrote about things they did between first and second sleep. Seems like they would sleep about 4 hours, wake up for a couple of hours and do quiet activities, sewing, reading, things by candle light in the house (or not so quiet, it was thought one of the best times for procreative sex was between first and second sleep) and then they would go back to sleep for another 3 or 4 hours. So 8 hours was the norm then as well but no one expected you to get them all at once. Which fits with my pattern more. On a good night I get to sleep by 10:30 or 11 and sleep until about 2. Then I am awake for a couple of hours. I lay still and rest and think about the world, then I fall back asleep around 4:30 or 5 and wake up either when the alarm goes off during the week or around 7 on weekends. Though the second round of sleep is usually in like 20 minute cat nap batches. I sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up over and over. 

Brent has told me for years that I should just get up when I wake up. Go write or read or knit or whatever instead of staying in bed. And I think about it. But I honestly feel like the laying still is good for me. Resting isn't as good as sleeping but it's close right? That and it just feels weird to leave the bed while he is sleeping. Rude or something. I've tried keeping a book next to the bed and reading during that stretch of time as well but then I don't ever fall back asleep. I just finish the book. Which is great for reading, lousy for resting. Oh and I don't nap. Unless I am sick or exhausted the odds of me napping aren't strong. It happens every once in awhile, but normally it's laying down and closing my eyes and staying there for as long as I can stand it then getting up again. Skipping the sleep part. 

So for now I will try the CD again. Hoping to fall asleep before the end, but I won't be shocked if I don't. And I will go back to falling asleep for the first time closer to 11 than 10. And I will figure out what to try next.

Rotating frequency on sleep systems...engage....

Storage Room

Julie walked down the rows of shelving looking for the box she needed. It shouldn't be too hard to find what she was after, she knew it was from elementary school, maybe third grade? That would be where she started to look anyway. She knew there were a lot of boxes in here, and that maybe she should get rid of a few things, but she liked keeping it all. You never knew what you might need. When she tried talking about her filing system to Dr. Brasses, he of the "Call me Chaz" fame; who wants a psychologist that wants to be called Chaz? How would she ever take any advice he gave seriously? Chaz? Anyway, Chaz told her that it was very much the same as hoarding. Even though she argued that it wasn't anything like hoarding because it was all neatly stored away. Well most of it was. There was that stuff from her mid-twenties. All of that was still in a pile in the corner, sort of half sorted. But someday when she had more time she would organize all of that as well. Just not today.

Ah! Here it is, third grade art projects. She was pretty sure there would be an easy art project for the Holiday Bazaar booth in here. As she sorted through files she came across a purple folder. What was this doing here? The purple folders were all of David's things, why would this be here? She opened the folder and saw it was a list of Christmas Cookies his mother used to make when he was little. Tucking it under her arm she walked over to the section where his things should all be kept. As she opened the file box to put it away she noticed that it was half empty. Where were the rest of his things? Turning around to look at the rows of boxes Julie noticed that some of the box lids weren't on straight. Every time she lifted the lid of one of the crooked boxes there would be a purple file tucked in with the manila ones. Here was David's file about how to fix a car in her box of files about her first car. There was the file on his first job mixed in with her college admission things.

It was going to take forever to sort these things and put them all away again. Why would they have been moved in the first place? His things needed to stay in his box. Not mixed in with hers. How frustrating. Grabbing purple files where ever she could find them she brought them back and put them in his box. They could be better organized later, that wasn't as important right now, just getting them out of her boxes was the important thing. They were everywhere it seemed like. A splash of purple here and there all over her things. Grab the file, put it away, open another box grab the file, put it away. Carefully avoiding the mess in the corner. If there were any purple files there they could just stay for awhile.  As she was finishing up she had to stop and think for a moment what she had come here to find in the first place.

Oh that's right. The crafts. Back down to the school area. Open the box for third grade and....purple file. David's favorite Christmas Cookies from when he was a child. Looking back down the row of boxes she had just sorted she could see the lids were all crooked again and knew if she opened any of those boxes there would be a purple file in them. Slouching against the shelves she thought maybe this was a bigger job than she realized.


"Julie? Julie, are you okay? You seem a little far away. What do you think about the booth idea?"

"What? Oh sorry, just thinking about some crafts we did back in third grade and got a little distracted. If you'll excuse me I need to make a quick call, I'll be right back.

This is Julie Shorens for Dr. Brasses please. Yes, I'll hold.

Dr. Brasses? Yes, sorry, Chaz, I was wondering if I could come in and talk to you about my storage issues. I seem to be having a hard time with my filing system since David left."

Here we go again...

I've posted before about my very real condition of FFS, Friendly Face Syndrome. Yesterday was another seminar from the Institute for Brain Potential and another attack.

Now here are some things that are my own personal opinion and do not reflect the opinion of the management of this blog. Oh wait, yeah, they do. Okay, whatever, they are my opinions. Something I have discovered through the years is that there seems to be certain career choices that attract a percentage of freaks and I think the social sciences and healing arts are in that group. I think there are people who get into psychology because they are nuts and want to figure out why. I think there are people that are drawn to things like massage therapy because it speaks to their Woo Woo side and they are a little "off" from the rest of us. I also think that the people that tend to sit in the front and center of a room can tend to be a little off as well.

All that being said, I am a former massage therapist who has always been interested in the social sciences and I almost always sit in the front row. Now, I'm not crazy. I just am easily distracted and learned a long time ago that if I sit up front I can focus on the speaker more easily and not find my mind wandering as much to the hair cut of the person in front of me or if the sweater of the guy in the third row is itchy because it looks itchy and how often do they have to clean the carpets in a room like this I wonder....Okay, maybe I am a little crazy. But I manage.

So when I am in a group that I know will have a large percentage of people in these career areas I know that there will be a small percentage of them that are just off. And I know in that percentage of people I will end up sitting next to and interacting with at least one of them, if not more. Yesterday was Peter's turn.

Now I have to admit the first couple of minutes I interacted with Peter I was thrown. I thought, hmmm...maybe I have lucked out this time and it will be fine. But then it shifted, and shifted quickly and went down hill from there. I was reading the course materials when he came to sit next to me. He asked if the seat was free since I was on the end and there was a woman on the other side of the empty seat, that's where he threw me, he asked. Most crazy people don't ask, they swoop. So then he sat down and asked if I had ever seen the presenter that day, Peter had seen him before and that's why he was back. He said he was so good in his first lecture that he swore if he saw him come through again he would take the class.  Well this is nice information to have.

And then the shift....I am going to give you all of this in one long paragraph with no breaks because it's how it came to me. Though I've already organized the information in my head it actually came to me in random bits a bobs but I will give it to you a little more orderly. But still as a rush. Ready?

First Peter scopes out the table and sees that there are little cups with hard candy in them and he takes the one that was in front of the woman on his left and moves it in front of him. Then he reaches to the table behind us and grabs a cup from that table and takes it as well. Well, okay then. And then he starts to talk. He's a sociologist, but not the kind I think. What do I do? (aside: when he found out I used to be in advertising he tried to see if I knew anyone at Wieden + Kennedy I could introduce him to) Peter is 71 years old. He didn't get married until he was 39. He hadn't been really successful with women so even though his friends told him she wasn't a good idea he didn't believe them. He hadn't been really sexual active as a younger man but he embraced the times in his 30s (aside: eeeeewwww!)  He has three children 25, 29 and 32. (aside: he had to stop and really think about how old his kids were) His wife left when the oldest was 12. See, when she was growing up her mother decided when she was 12 to abdicate the raising of her siblings to her so she just thought when they turned 12 she would be done as well. Her mother was a real battle axe, but Peter had tamed her. In fact he knew there were some odd issues going on when his wife's sister told him that their mother thought that SHE should be married to Peter. After his wife left him he moved from Minnesota to Portland and moved in with his parents. He raised his kids as a single father and then for the past 10 years he took care of his aging parents who were incontinent  He now lives with his brother who he thinks has asperger's syndrome, though he is almost 80 so trying to get someone to diagnose him would be tricky. But he has these odd social habits that seem to line up with it (aside: like not noticing the social cues someone is giving you that they don't want to be having this conversation?)Anyway...his wife had never felt the need to embrace the Mexican stuff while they were married but then got in to it later, see when she came here as a child people would ask her if she was Australian or from the UK and then when she would say Argentina they labeled her a spic and the whites wanted nothing to do with her....

Did you hear the needle scratch the record or was that just me? Yes, he did in fact tell me that. I call this "feeling out your audience" he's just used an incredibly offensive racial slur and he is waiting to see my reaction. He has left the door open, see, HE didn't say it, other people said it about her, but he wants to see how I will react. Let me tell you two things, first off it's probably the first time I have heard that particular racial epitaph here in Portland. Secondly it's a pretty common one where I grew up and so I was probably more insulted than someone who had never heard it. Politely I say, "That's a horrible thing to say and it's awful she had to deal with something like that."  I also thought, "who confused Australian and Argentinian?"

Okay, so then he starts again. See, she has never embraced the Mexican stuff...I point out that Argentinian isn't the same as Mexican. He says, "yeah." then goes on that when she left when the oldest was 12 he had no clue it was coming (aside: 5 minutes in with this guy and I could have told him she was a saint for staying that long) but it turns out she was having an affair. She had started to get more in to the whole Mexica....Hispanic type stuff so she ran off with a Puerto Rican so he guesses she really decided to embrace the Mexican stuff a lot. I smile politely and point out that Puerto Ricans aren't Mexicans either. (the woman sitting behind us laughed at this).

So then he changes tactics. He had asked me earlier if I was married and had kids as the opening gambit to his story. So he starts to tell me that the reason my marriage works is because with couples who go to church together only 2% end up divorced, and couples who stay married only 2% end up in poverty and so that's why my marriage has worked. He couldn't get his wife to go to church with him and look how it ended up. I smiled again and told him he should probably double check his percentages because as we all know 80% of statistics are made up on the spot.  He didn't get it.

Okay so let me give you the rest of the "before the lecture started" run down. While he was talking to me he reached down and pulled up his zipper. Then told me an odd little joke about men and zippers. Three stages of men, first they pull it down to go, then they forget to pull it up after they go, then they stop pulling it down to go. Okay....And the point where I knew I was in trouble with a load of crazy coming my way. As he was telling me how much he enjoyed the speaker before the rest of the rant started he reached in to his little messenger bag, pulls out a yellow plastic case and removes his partial plate. WHILE HE IS TALKING TO ME.  What is it with people doing things like that in public? Go to the bathroom...ick!

Okay, on to the first break. Now during the first section of lecture Dr. Hall talked about healthcare and that there would be a change for many in the audience in 2014 when all of the Affordable Care Act is enacted. He was speaking about preventative care and the lack of it in the US and that there will most likely be a large shift happening. And he mentions he will talk about that again later. So first break comes, Peter makes a bee line for the speaker, I duck out and get coffee and some water and knowing that Peter doesn't respond to "I'm reading the course materials leave me alone" cues I pull out my phone. "And how is Denise? What are you doing?" Oh great...he's back. "I'm catching up with a few people while we are on break." And I look back to the phone.

Nope, that's not going to work either. He starts in on health care. "I will be interested to hear what he says, because now that Obama's been elected it will keep going, if Romney had been elected it would have changed." Now because I am tired, because he called his mother in law a battle axe and said he tamed her, because he used the racial slur, because it wasn't an accident since he truly believes his Argentinian ex wife preferred her Puerto Rican lover over him because she was embracing all that Mexican stuff, Bad Denise is really starting to take over more and more. "Yes, it would have gone from being called Obamacare to Romenycare and he would have kept all of the pieces that the American public wants in a healthcare bill, but just not called it something different. Like Freedom in Health."

He looks at me, and we are off..."You know it establishes 54 different federal agencies which means 54 states agencies and then 54 local agencies. All companies are going to put their employees in to a part time pool let them go on government healthcare and that's what the Democrats wanted in the first place."

"Well that's a very interesting perspective. So what you are telling me is that it's a new thing for companies to put employees on as a part time status to avoid paying benefits?"

"Well, I've not seen it before."

"Then you are in the minority. Excuse me, I need to get a refill on my water."

So I get up and walk away and when I come back he is now engaging with the woman behind me telling her how it's always interesting at these sorts of things that the percentage of women is higher than men. But here is where he stepped wrong, see, she's already heard our conversation so she is primed and ready for Peter. And he doesn't take long to step right in it. See, he doesn't just mention that there are more women than men in the health care fields it's that women have been forcing men out. Yes, forcing men out. And that because now as more women succeed in the fields more and more women are in charge of the training program and so they only admit women now. Oh my....she had just started in on him about the "forcing men out" and that if he thought that then was it fair to say that for years men "kept" women out of the work force and school.  Poor Peter. He was having a hard time finding the right ears for his pontificating...

Okay lunch break. The most treacherous time at one of these events. How do you sneak out and get some lunch without being cornered and having to share your hour with someone you don't want to? Well I'm a genius. I find a seat at the bar in the restaurant between two other people so he can't find me or sit with me and I have a whole hour to myself and he's standing right in back of me isn't he? He actually reached over my shoulder and picked up the menu I had in front of me. Then he sees an "empty" seat a few seats away, except there is an iPad on the bar in front of the seat, he says to the woman next to it, "Is this a menu or is this someone's iPad?" She says "It's an iPad, that seat is taken." He walks back to stand behind me.  Waits a bit then goes and sits in the chair anyway! The woman tells him, "Excuse me, I said this seat was taken." "Oh, okay." He comes back to stand behind me. By this point the bar manager is filling drinks and taking orders and has watched some of this interaction. He made eye contact with me and I guess didn't like what he saw because he came around the bar and directed Peter to an empty seat at a table out in the restaurant. Like actually directed, hand on his arm. Whew....

Lunch eaten, duck back to the room. He did feel the need to comment on what I had for lunch and how much it cost. To which I replied, "I have always found it best to only worry about what you are eating and paying for." One last break to go. During this break he again made a direct line for the speaker to expound on what ever brilliant idea he felt he needed to share with him. Watching Dr. Hall's face go from warm opening smile to "What the hell??" was truly amusing. So the day is over, we are filling out our evaluation sheets and I actually made sure to hide my personal information from him as I was doing it. He was well in to the creepy vibe from the crazy. I get up to leave and he starts to ask for my help with the sheet, I act like I don't hear him tell him to have a nice day and duck out get in my car and am on the road! Except I'm not. They weren't ready for the onslaught of cars leaving and there is some sort of delay so there is a mini van parked right behind me and I can't pull out. By the time it moves the line of cars in the garage from the upper levels is incredibly long and nobody wants to wait and let me out. Fine, turn off the car and wait. No sense getting stressed out when I just spent all day learning about how awful stress is for you.

But then it happens. I hear singing and I think, who the hell would walk through a parking garage singing? Oh of course....I literally ducked down, turned my head and hid my face behind my hair hoping that the dark car, dark lot, shadow combination would keep him from seeing me! It was like a horror movie, just waiting for the knock on the window....

It didn't come. Thank goodness.

The seminar was very good. The speaker was engaging. The information was dense. And I got a great blog story. After winding up the day with a pedicure and an arugula pear salad I am calling it an over all brilliant day.

And I have to admit I sort of want to meet Peter's ex-wife.....