Love Language...

I was talking to a friend this morning and she said that it was just nice to be in a relationship with someone who spoke the same language. It was one of those moments that the bell of clarity rang. The truth in that. 

A lot of relationships are hard. Romantic, friendship, business, all of them. The ones that aren't, the ones that seem easy are the ones where you speak the same language. 

Brent and I talk about it a lot. Or comment on it. Usually we say, "We've been married a long time." That's our shorthand for acknowledging how much we think alike. Our touchstones are the same, our pop culture references are the same. We both start singing the same song when we hear a word or phrase. We speak the same language.

It makes it easier. Because we don't misunderstand each other as often as we would if we didn't. There aren't a lot of crossed wires in text messages. Not a lot of "What did he mean by that?" or "Why would she say such a thing?" We know what we meant and what we said because we speak the same language. 

And it's comfortable. So much less stress. 

I can remember quite a few years ago I was talking to a friend who is older than I am and grew up here instead of in New Mexico. I don't remember what they said to me but I flipped them off. And they were super insulted. Like instantly mad. And I was really confused. Why? I just flipped you off. You said something snarky, I responded appropriately. And they wanted to clarify, "Well up here the middle finger means 'fuck you' so..." And I was like...."Right...Fuck you."

It did not make the conversation better. 

To them being told fuck you was a big deal. To me it wasn't. We did not speak the same language. There was a generation gap and a location gap in effect. Gen X uses the word fuck a lot. Boomers not as much, and not in the same context. Like it was the big bad swear word for them and for us it was the all purpose word. And in New Mexico we used it even more. Flipping your friends off was common. It wasn't insulting it was and still is kind of like an eyeroll. 

If you don't speak that language you don't understand. I don't speak the language where it's an insult and they didn't speak the language where it's just a flippant (so to speak) response.

I'm just glad I didn't make the jerking off motion at him, that could have been even more awkward...

Find the people that speak your language. 

Not everyone will and those relationships are going to be more challenging. You are going to spend time explaining what you meant. You are going to have to find ways to communicate your intent. You are going to waste time uncrossing wires and smoothing ruffled feathers. But if you have someone, or a group of someones, in your life that get you, that see you, that speak your language you have a refuge.

It's so nice to be around people who get you. 

Even if you have to flip them off sometimes.