Blur...

We are going to Hawaii in March. We didn't go last year. Two years between trips, and an injury prone, light workouts, heavy comfort eating, year means trying on the swimsuits to see if I need to shop before we leave. 

I made the mistake when we went to Disney one year of not trying on suits before we left. I was the same size (I thought) and weight so why bother? 

Well, I had changed up my workout routine that year. Increased the weight lifting by quite a bit. So I weighed the same, was the same size, except for my back. Which had gotten much broader. Probably a few inches. It took both Brent and I to wrangle the hook closed in my suit before I could head down to the pool for the afternoon. Lesson learned. Even if I think I'm the same size, I double check.

But I know I'm heavier than the last time we went so this time I really needed to make sure I had something that fit. 

I took my glasses off before I started trying on suits. Pulling tight clothes over your head, it just makes sense. 

And then I realized it just makes sense anyway. 

See, my distance vision is okay. It's just a little soft around the edges. I could get away with not wearing my glasses to drive as long as I didn't need to read the instrument panel of the car, or any street signs. Just the things in the distance would look softer, not as crisp. 

Which was great for trying on swimsuits. 

Standing in front of the mirror I could see the basics, does this fit? Am I contained? But the details were softened. The cellulite wasn't jumping out at me. The scars and new red dots and mysterious why is that a bump places were all just fuzzed out a bit. 

I think I have a new best known method of trying on clothes. 

And with the swimsuits that's how I see them in Hawaii for the most part. I don't wear my glasses when we are snorkeling, of course, I don't wear them in the pool. Everything is just a bit softer. And when I do have them on it's because I'm looking for whales. I'm staring off into the distance looking for something cool. I'm not looking at myself in front of a giant full length mirror. 

And the people I am spending my time with are either 1. Perfectly fine and awfully fond of how my body looks or 2. People I'm probably never going to see again. So why worry about it? 

I can guarantee when I'm in the water or on the boat I don't really think about my thighs. I also don't think about other people's thighs when they walk past me on the beach. Because I'm not paying attention to them. I'm looking at the ocean watching for whales. I'm reading my book. I'm sipping my fruity slushy. I'm telling my husband jokes. What other people look like in their suits isn't even a moment of consideration for me. 

I need to remember that. 

And trying on suits without my glasses was a good reminder to be softer on myself. Kinder about my edges. Does it fit? Does it contain me? And can I find something to match so I'm not wearing 4 different patterns at once...

That's what I have right now. My tankini is leopard print. My one piece is black and white polka dots. My rash guard is zebra print on the arms. My swim pants are parrotfish. It's a lot.

Even with my glasses off.