Help Yourself #4...

Under the wire but done...

This month's self help book was a combination self help/brain science book. Totally fits in the pocket of the type of books I read obsessively in my 20s. 

This one was Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes that Stick

It was good. A lot of information in there on how habits are formed and how much of our daily life we do set to automatic. And that the complicated part is that it's a good thing, and also a problem. 

In my 20s I would have been getting a lot of this information as new information so I would have taken it differently I am sure. In my 50s I know that though a lot of the science is strong, some of the experiments they were citing actually have different reasons for why they worked. 

Take the famous marshmallow experiment. Where you put the marshmallow out and tell a child they can have that one now or wait for 15 minutes and they will get two. It was supposed to show self control or resilience or coping mechanisms. What they have discovered more recently is that a lot of it depended on the socio economic class of the children in the experiment. Kids who might have access to a whole bag of their favorite treats at home were much more able to resist the draw of the marshmallow right now than kids who don't even know for sure if dinner is going to fill them up. 

So then they follow these kids and see that the ones who are able to resist the marshmallow are more likely to be successful in life. Get higher grades, go to college, get good jobs. The kids who were weak willed and couldn't struggle. Except you know, they aren't weak willed, and the other kids aren't more resilient. It's a class thing. But books keep using it like it's an actual study on resilience instead of yet one more WE HAVE SEVERE INCOME INEQUALITY AND IT'S A FUCKING TRAP!

So yeah...

In my 20s I would have found the resilience argument to be fascinating. Not so much in my 50s.

It's also really interesting because I know a lot of the things they talked about and yet...I still am battling my Facebook habit, I still fight with the lack of desire to work out, I still want to eat more sugar than I know is good for me, and even when I can break the habit for a few days with the conscience decision making I stop. Which reinforces their argument on how hard it is to break habits. 

But...I also quit smoking all those years ago the first time I decided to quit. The average is over 30 times before it sticks. And I quit while Brent was still smoking so the cigarettes were in the house and all of the cues to smoke were still happening. Which disproves their argument that you have to change everything around the habit to break the habit, especially with a habit that is also and addiction. 

But it was good overall. And gave me a little bit of reinforcement to map out some strategies for changes I want to make. And how I have to be on top of those consciously for awhile before they stick. (Also, just so you know, that 30 days thing is a myth. Sometimes it takes that long, sometimes it takes fewer days, sometimes a lot more) And also, and here is the most important one, I need to find a why that is more specific than, because I should. 

I mean, I know I need to get my sugar consumption back under control. I know I'm walking a line here with my blood sugar amounts. I know that added sugar in general is not good for anybody. I know the positive changes that I experience when I'm watching my intake. HOWEVER...it's still not enough. That's all logic. When I am stressed out about something, or pissed off at yet another anti trans moment in our country, none of that is going to stop me from grabbing some Milk Duds. So I need different reasons. And I need different replacements. Because "just don't have them in the house" works for just a little bit until I break down and buy them and four other things because I deserve them, dammit. 

One of the other pieces I thought was super interesting in this particular book, one I wouldn't have noticed in my 20s, is how much self help stuff is geared toward making you better at work. A more efficient and happy little worker bee. The amount of daily life that is geared around perpetuating capitalism. I'm not sure that's self help or someone else helping themselves to your time, but whatever...

So habits. Time to form some new ones.