Whose Bright Idea Was This?

Looking ahead at the year realizing that I will need to just keep sitting down and writing more days than I don't and wondering why I thought this was a good idea? I mean I don't feel like sitting down and writing today, but since I didn't write Saturday or Sunday if I skip today I'd be setting myself to fail.

Which it's not really a failure if it's a made up goal right? But it would totally be a failure. 

I set it up to be hard this year on purpose. I mean, I did that. Me. To myself. I looked at those numbers that were well beyond any total I'd ever hit before and thought, That's a lot. Like A LOT a lot. Maybe I should cut that down a bit. And THEN TALKED MYSELF OUT OF IT. 

What the fuck, Past Denise? Why you gotta be like that?

And that's why goal setting is so hard. That's why so many resolutioners have failed on their New Year New Me promises by February 1. It's that long stretch of year ahead of them...I have to keep doing this? But I already did for a whole month... When I had my gym membership I used to use it as a pep talk..."the crowds will thin each week until February when only a small handful will remain." 

We always have a lot of faith in our future selves to get stuff done that our present selves don't want to do. 

We procrastinate then rush around to get things finished swearing we will stop doing that, until the next time we do it. We set up unrealistic goals that if we had a shot of getting them done we would have done them already. We are just sure that something is going to come along that is going to turn future us into a much better version of ourselves than we are right now. 

For me, the one thing I do know about future me, is that just like present me she hates to set a goal and miss it. She loves those gold stars. That feeling of checking off a box. Complete. Did that. 

So I use that combination, that optimistic feeling about future me and what she can do with that extra piece of telling people I'm going to do those things and I'm going to give myself gold stars when I do. 

I know myself.  

And right now I really feel a little tricked by myself. 

I mean what the hell? Why would you set us up like that? 

And why would you put the three people who read this blog through that? I mean it's only halfway through January, do you know how many filler blogs there are going to be this year? TONS. TONS of them. How rude...

And there will be tons of them. Because that was part of the negotiations when Past Me was setting up that almost impossible blog total. They didn't all have to be gems. In fact if 3 of them are reshareworthy gems that's a good year. I don't need to write a lot of great things this year, I just need to write a lot of things. I just want to keep the writing flowing. 

The same reason why I work out. I keep moving so I can keep moving. I'm going to get my brain and fingers oiled up and running smoothly this year. Running out of habit. Running out of need to keep going. 

And at the end of the year if I don't feel like it did what I wanted I'll do something else. 

But for now I am just going to curse Past Denise for knowing how to manipulate Present Denise and think about how easy this is going to be for Future Denise. 

No really, it will be. I'm pretty sure she's brilliant and highly motivated.