The Power of the Divine

I've been thinking about the power of the divine goddess lately. 

I know right? Not my usual. Or at least not unless I'm deconstructing it for a story. So...

But lately I've been playing with the idea of it, what it means, who it involves. 

Hecate, The Triple Goddess, the maiden, the mother, the crone. How does that translate to now? 

Then yesterday Kevin's father let me know that he was ready to memorialize Kevin's facebook pages. He sent a really lovely message to me and to Nadine, another friend of Kevin's (and mine). And he talked in his message that he felt Kevin really had found soul friends in each of us. And how people are lucky to get one in their life, let alone two. 

I think it's a reflection of the man Kevin was that there are a lot of people out there that would feel that way about him. That he really was part of them and they were part of him. I've talked about it before, he was always just so very Kevin that he allowed space for people to be so very much themselves. And for a few of us that are already that way it allowed a sort of click of recognition and sense of place. 

Now, you cannot know another relationship from the outside looking in so the next part is all about what I feel. I could be really far off but it's my feeling.

This email dovetailed into my thinking about Hecate. In my friend group there is a lot of feminine energy. A lot of us that fill different roles at different times. But I think Nadine and I tend to hold the anchors most of the time. 

We are close in age, but I am firmly in the mother/crone position and she is maiden/mother (though more like fun auntie). All of our friends fill positions as they feel they are needed. The feminine is fluid in my world. I see it all the time. We all adjust and move. 

But this feeling of who we are influences how I see those soul friendships Kevin's father saw. 

I was crone. 

Nadine was maiden. 

Nadine and Kevin were playmates. And I don't want that to sound dismissive. It's not. Have you ever watched kittens or puppies playing? It all looks like fun but they are growing together. They are mirroring skills that they need in the rest of their lives, but are also able to snuggle up and take a nap when playtime is over. They got each other in that playful sort of way. Which helped when things got harder and they could help each other in the real world ways. And also snuggle up safe and warm when needed. Their bond was deep and intrinsic and important. They sent each other jokes and videos and just checking in. They fed each other literally and metaphorically. They played together and loved each other deeply. 

I am only 10 years older than Kevin but firmly mother/crone position. He would check in with me with questions about "how do you see this?" We had very different world views and life experiences, but he respected mine and I respected his. He sent me videos and notes as well, and a lot of them were funny, but it's not the same flavor. It was more, I know you like this thing, here see it. I sent him the same sorts of things. And also the sort of things moms send their kids, look at this thing we talked about that you could go do. I wrote about the last message on his old account where we were disagreeing and that was firmly mother/crone energy.  

That was our energy. I loved him deeply and I know he loved me as well. But I wasn't his playmate. We could play, but I was crone. I was the bit of advice when things got out of hand. I was the stern lecture when needed. He had a really good relationship with his own mother. I heard a lot of stories about her and I loved her through him. And I think that was why he and I were able to be as close as we were. He saw that energy as a positive thing. I was also a safe place to crash when needed.

Maiden, Mother or Crone we are all always that, a safe space to land.

I play the role of mother/crone a lot. When my friend Skippy was going through chemo and getting ready for reconstructive surgery her doctors told her she needed to stop smoking. There were people in her life who were telling her that she had been through so much if this was too much for her to bear she didn't need to. So she called me. And I told her not to be stupid. I didn't sugar coat or slow walk. We had a long conversation and I was just this side (she would probably say the other side) of harsh. But she didn't need a playmate or a friend she needed a mother, a crone. She knew who she was calling and what she needed to hear.

We all play roles in life. 

For some I'm closer to mother (or even fun auntie sometimes too), for others I'm full crone. I've lived it, let me help you live it. But with zero tolerance for bullshit. 

I am glad Kevin had both of us. Had that balance. Had his deep soul friend in Nadine. His playmate. His companion. His safe space to be.

I am glad he had me. 

And I am glad we both had him. 

I warned you all that I would be processing this loss for a long time. 

You never get over it, you just learn how to move forward with it. (great Ted talk)

I'm learning where and how to carry this one. 

I'm glad I have all of my Hecates to help me.