February Now One Day Shorter...

I told Brent this morning that we are going to miss seeing our last day in Disney World Memories on the On This Day Feed because they happened on the 29th. No 29th this year, no flash back memories. Which, in a way, is good I guess. We can use less of this Covid-times time. One day closer to the end of lockdowns and quarantines and no vaccines right? That's how this works isn't it?

Sort of...

So how did my now smaller sized February go as far as my pretend goals? Or real goals that I make up. How does that go? Real Pretend Goals? Pretend Real Goals? Whatever...

It was actually a fairly decent month as far as hitting numbers goes. 

This will be the 13th blog which is the exact number I needed to average each month to hit my overarching goal for the year so that's nice. 

Reading is a funny one. I read more this month and ended up 4 books behind to the 3 behind I was last month...what? Still fine. I'll catch up at some point with a stretch of quick reads. But I do have a few non-fiction ones that I've been catching up on that are slower paced. Just the nature of non-fiction over fiction. 

I did the 20 Daily Calm sessions. Still just not enjoying them. Not sure they are doing me much good either. It's interesting they seem to be geared toward people who suffer from anxiety. Which makes sense, right? People who are stressed out and anxious are the ones that would be most inclined to looking for ways to help with that. For me? I'm just looking for help with a busy brain. Not an anxious one. But I'm just not sure I will ever get there. And I'm starting to think maybe it's not even a destination I should be aiming for. But I'll give it another try before I decide for sure. 

POD and Daily Gratitude were all checked off (or will be at the end of the day). Like I said that one for me starts a rhythm and it's hard to just stop so I really am feeling like I've committed myself to a year. We will see. Definitely hard to do when we are at home all the time. But the cats are always up for a photo so that's a help. 

The flexibility was a good start. Just a reminder to add it back into my workouts helped start loosening things up. Next month (spoiler alert) I'll actually take some measurements and have an actual goal there. 

Actually did the elimination diet that I talked about. And it has made a difference. I think it's part of what helped with flexibility as well. Less pain makes it less difficult to stretch out. The ten days wasn't as hard as I thought. Had a set back with nightshades that was unexpected to me but not to anyone else. I'm not sure why Michael Symon didn't include them in his eliminated foods as they seem to be a trigger for a lot of people. But anyway...the ten days wasn't horrible. I did feel better at the end. Less pain for sure. Less stiffness.

I've been using my pointer finger on my left hand as my main gauge. Though my knees and my feet follow along with it. But when I started I couldn't bend that finger first thing in the morning. It was that stiff and swollen. And it hurt. It hurt all day, even when I worked the stiffness out of it by mid morning the pain was there all day. So as I've added things in that has been my guide. How does my finger feel in the morning? And because it hasn't been a smooth everything is perfect transition back all I've added so far is meat and the first day of dairy. I do two days of an added item, then a day off going back to the base diet, then add again. Chicken, pork and beef and one day of dairy is all I've managed. Chicken I had a slight reaction to. A little swelling and a little pain. Nothing catastrophic for sure, but I was still surprised when it happened. I mean, chicken? Really?  Pork was totally fine. The first day of beef was fine the second caused what I'm describing as a warning. I was slightly puffy the next day, and there was like an echo of pain. If that makes sense. It didn't really hurt but it was on the verge of hurting.

So meat is going to be a not two days in a row thing for chicken and beef. But pork is fine. Which is fine, I want to look at a way of keeping the calories lower and the vegetables higher anyway. Because I've lost 8 pounds so far and though I know I'll probably put a few back on in the short term I'd like to keep this trend going and lose the rest of the weight I want to for the year. And eating no meat, dairy, flour, or extra sugar and not drinking alcohol has definitely pushed that along. BUT...I really am not happy eating this way. Or not eating this way. So I need to find a good balance. 

But I'm still adding things back in so I don't really know what the end product is going to look like. Tomorrow I'll get the final read out on dairy and take a "clean" day. Then I'll add flour for two days. Then a clean day. Then the slow roll out of the nightshade brigade to see if maybe it was just one or two that caused the issue. 

So what am I looking at for March?

Well finishing the elimination test that's clear. And more of a challenge than you would think. As I mentioned, I really don't like eating this way. I love food. It's part of my enjoyment in life. And now that I feel better I have the voice in my head telling me that it wasn't REALLY all that bad...but it was and I need to finish strong so I don't have to start all over again. 

Flexibility I'm going to try for an increase in my reach of 1/4". I honestly have no idea if that's a soft or strong goal but it seemed like a good idea when it popped into my head so that's what I'm going for. I'll do baseline measurements tomorrow and go from those. Seated stretches, knee twist to the ground and reaching for my toes. 

Reading. I'll just keep plugging along. It's a yearly goal so I'm not sweating it yet.

POD and Daily Gratitude, like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in it for the year but I am not holding myself to that firmly. But for now, March is on. 

Daily Calm. Hmmm....I'm going to give it one more month but I think three times a week this time. So 15 times in March seems good. 

Writing. I mentioned this earlier this week. I'm going to do a fiction push. Forced March Fiction Month! (still makes me laugh) and I've settled on 12 pieces as the goal. I am still looking for prompts and found a website yesterday that does mini-contests with their prompts so I might even knock off one of my submission goals for the year as well. Wouldn't that be nice? Now if I do submit to them that means it counts toward my fiction goal, but you might not see it on the blog until later after they reject me. You'll just have to trust me that I reached the goal even if you've only seen 10 pieces by the end of the month. 

The schedule kind of went out the window in February and March it will be a little wonky as well. I'll be honest when all of my will power is going toward what I'm eating there isn't a lot left for rigid planning and I'll have a week where I'm adding in an extra out of the house block of time later in the month and I want flexibility there. So...I'll try that scheduled again in April and see what I feel I need as far as focused time. So far things are still moving along, but just at different times. 

So there's February in the books and March laid out. 

Three more months until Brent and I are eligible for the vaccine and hopefully everything shifts again. Though only slightly on the hopefully part. As much as it's been a hassle at times, it's also been a lot easier to plan and schedule things like cooking at home with Brent's commute being 3 minutes instead of "who knows? let's guess. don't burn dinner!"

Good luck to us all. 

And keep wearing those masks!

Not Behind But...

I'm not behind, yet, but I'm not making any progress yet either so...

I think I am going to do a Forced March Fiction Month starting next week.

Get it? Because I call it a force choke of words when I'm trying to blow out the dust and next month is March so...Forced MARCH?? Oh my goodness...this is the good stuff you have to look forward to! I am so freaking funny!

Anyway...

So what does that mean? 

It means that I am going to find like 10-15 prompts and write. I need to get those juices flowing again. Writing fiction takes a different mindset and I have gotten away from it. It needs time spent in my head chasing conversations and ideas and honestly the past year I haven't had the space for that. Or the inclination. One of those. But I want to encourage that to start up again. I want to start the flow of words. 

So forcing them works for me. 

It might not make great reading for you, but sometimes it does. Or at least you all lie sweetly to me and tell me that it does. 

So what kind of stories are you craving? Keeping in mind that it will be me writing them so your idea might end up a fun house mirror version of what you were originally thinking...

Do you have any words you really like that you don't think are getting enough use? Like I love the word fruition. If someone uses it organically in a sentence I assume we are going to end up best friends. 

Do you have any characters that I've written about that you wonder about now? I can't promise they will come play again, but maybe? 

Yes, all of that really looks like I'm making you do half the work for me but you know what they say...half shared is half done. So basically I'm already farther ahead than I would have been. I mean I will be when you get your shit together and do your part...

Just kidding...

Sort of.

I mean, I will take whatever help you can offer and I will do some internet searches for good prompts as well and hopefully I'll be ready to go by Monday. The first step of a Forced March Fiction Month! #fmfm

Yeah, Well, That's Just Like Your Opinion...

Is there a phrase doing more heavy lifting right now than "It's just a difference of opinion."

Over the years it's taken on more and more work. It used to be used for things like art. Subjective things. I am not a big fan of Jackson Pollock's work, but I have friends who are. We have a difference of opinion. It's not a big deal. It's not even something to argue over. Clearly they are wrong, but it's just a difference of opinion. I'm obviously joking here. I am in the minority with not liking his work. They are the ones who could be considered more right. If one of us needed to be right. But since it's just an opinion on art and personal taste we don't need to be. It's just a difference of opinion.

Subjective things.

I saw a friend's boyfriend tell her that she would never have short hair again. Because he didn't like it. Clearly she and I have a difference in opinion on what a boyfriend should say about her hair, on her head, which should be her choice. But she wasn't offended so I didn't say anything. I mean, I had to walk away so I didn't, but it still counts. It's a difference of opinion. His being different than mine. I think she looked adorable with short hair but the main thing being the length of her hair is nobody's choice but hers. And hers being different than mine. My response when someone tells me they like long hair better is to let them know they are free to grow theirs out. It's just a difference of opinion.

But now it's happening with objective things. 

You see it in response to science. It's just a difference of opinion. No. Not really. It's a disregarding of scientific facts. Maybe the opinion is that you don't think facts matter and someone else does, but it's not a difference of opinion. When it's objective, when you can see the work, when you have the studies, it's not an opinion.

I had someone a few weeks ago try to shame me by saying that I was being condescending in assuming that someone wasn't as informed as I was on a subject, and that the real truth was we were just having a difference of opinion. Another one I walked away from. I mean, she already thought I was being condescending, my response starting with Oh, sweetie...would not have helped change THAT opinion at all. But the facts of the argument, the quotes I would have pulled, those weren't opinions. Those were facts. Disregarding facts doesn't make it a difference of opinion. And to be perfectly fair, I didn't assume the person I was arguing with was any less informed than I was. I assumed they were disregarding the facts because they liked their opinions better. 

You see it in political arguments. It's just a difference of opinion. When you are talking about things that aren't opinions. The January 6th Insurrection was not a group of undercover Antifa secret agents posing as Trump loyalists. You know how we know? Because the plotted and planned in the open on social media then filmed themselves and posted those clips. They told you who they were, they told you why they were there. Trump tweeted about it multiple times before it happened. It's not a difference of opinion. It's a disregarding of facts. 

When Limbaugh died I had someone tell me that they couldn't believe I hated him just because he had a different opinion that I did. He cheered when gay men died from AIDS. He said if a woman has her birth control pills covered by government health insurance they owed a sex tape to every tax payer. He coined the term feminazi after saying that feminism was for unattractive women to have access to the mainstream. And it goes on and on. He spread conspiracy theories. He was vile. I guess maybe we had a difference of opinion. But "just" a difference of opinion doesn't really seem to cover it does it? 

I mean, what sort of sense does it make that we are all supposed to just wave our hands and wish away everything as "That's just a difference of opinion." 

That's a lot of heavy lifting. 

I'm not willing to help carry that load. 

Some things aren't just a difference of opinion. 
Some things are a disregarding of facts.
Some things might be opinions but they aren't "just" benign opinions. They are awful and we shouldn't treat them as just one more different opinion to give weight to.

But, you know, that's just like my opinion, man....

It's Politics Again...

I honestly thought I'd be off of talking politics for at least a few months...but I guess not. 

I think it's because I'm at another crossroads in my political beliefs. You would think by now I'd be firmly where I stand, but I think maybe I've never been on firm enough ground for that to be true. I'm a true progressive. Always moving. 

Christopher and I had a discussion last weekend about politics and as always happens during those discussions I end up re-examining things I thought I really KNEW. And sometimes I come back with yes, I know this, and sometimes I don't. 

He's much further left than I am. At least in theory. And I think it's more that he's just really comfortable with the vocabulary around being further left that I am. When you break down the ideas and ideals there isn't much space between us. But he was raised by a progressive liberal and a left of center liberal and I was raised by the Religious Right, so he's got a bit of a head start on me as to what is explored as an okay idea. 

And he is willing and able to call me out when I say something that is standard dogma that isn't actually true. Like the far left and the far right are similar. No, not really. They both believe in less to no government but the end reasons are different. The far right wants no government so they aren't restricted in what they take, how they profit, what they can have. The far left wants no government because they think the government restricts them in how they are and acts as an arm of the rich. They both don't want rules, but they don't want rules because they don't want rulers (Left) or don't want regulations (Right). That's simplified, but it was interesting to think about. 

I also said that I understood a lot of the libertarian ideas as a whole but felt like the Republican party mindset had taken it over. He made me think about that as well. I often joke that the libertarian party motto could now be "fuck you, I've got mine" and his point is that that is not a recent thing, it's always been that way. And again, it's all about mindset. Why do you think what you think?

Like I don't like borders. I feel like that's a libertarian mindset. But he made me look at the reasoning behind it. Libertarians don't like borders because there could be greener grass to graze on over there and how dare the government tell them they can't go get it. I don't like borders because why should someone born on one side of an imaginary line have freedom of opportunity and someone on the other side abject poverty? What you believe in religion, politics, fiscal systems, most of that is an accident of birth. What lines were drawn around the space you were? It's as simple as that but we make it seem like we've all chosen to believe these things instead of it was just what everyone around you believed. I am not a fan. 

I'm also not a fan of borders because of the theory of enough. 

That's what I call my whole basis for living. 

What is enough?

When do you have enough?

I believe there is enough in the world but because we've made these divisions we don't distribute it well. We in the United States have decided that hoarding is a thing to aspire to instead of something to despise. That's what billionaires are doing. Hoarding. And if you talk to a lot of people they aspire to it. To having more than they could ever use because they can. That's not virtue, that's vice. That's not something to aspire to, that's something to shun. 

And we can't get past it here because we've built our entire system of life around getting more and more and treating those who have more as better than. But are they? I mean, can they even be? 

It's a moral thing. It is pretty much impossible to be a billionaire without having exploited someone or multiple someones to get there. And we (we in the US) are really uncomfortable saying that and looking at that. Jeff Bezos has billions. His warehouse workers are suing because they haven't been kept safe from Covid while working (along with a lot of other things he's done to work the hell out of them for as little pay as he could get away with). And it's not just him, look at the percentage difference in the pay of a CEO of a company vs. the average worker of that company. What is enough? Do you really need to be paid that much? And if you are paid that much why are you keeping it? Why are you investing it to grow into more, or depositing it offshore? Or buying multiple houses? Why aren't you spending it to help people who don't have anything? 

How much is enough?

Oh it's their money they should be able to decide how they want to spend it! That's the push back you get. And If the market decides that's what they are worth then that's what they are worth. But what does that even mean? Why does the market think that the pay for heads of companies needed to increase by that much in the past 50 years? Could it be that the market was manipulated by those people at the top so they would make more? I mean...

How much is enough? 

Why do we think hoarding is good thing when it comes to money?

Why don't we villainize those who have golden toilets while people are starving? 

I've been an independent for a long time. I've always made the joke that I was too left to be a Republican and too fond of getting shit done to be a Democrat. But now I think I'm just not any of it. I am clearly not a Republican. Especially now that they've gone full Trumplican. The theory of enough for them is that it's never enough, especially if someone who isn't white, cis, heteronormative, middle America dwelling has more. I'm not really a Democrat, though I would guess I will still be voting that way, at least for awhile. 

Because we have two parties that have a shot of holding office. And I believe that if the Republicans get in a majority branch holding position again we are done. They are already working as hard as they can to get voting restrictions passed everywhere they hold majorities in State offices. They really don't want representative government. Because they can never have enough. They want to hoard. Hoard the power. And they don't have the votes to do that anymore. So they need to make it harder for people to take it away from them. Draw some more lines Make some more barriers. Keep others out. So they can always have more. 

Because they aren't satisfied ever with having just enough. 

So I will stick with voting for the Dems, but I am farther and farther away from the left of center position all of the time. I am further and further left. I am a progressive. And we need to progress. 

We have enough in this world to take care of everyone. And not doing it isn't a political stance, it's a moral one. Where do you fall on that line?

Enough? 

Eliminate Update...

So the ten day elimination cycle is over. Phew! Already learned a small piece of what is causing issues. Nightshades. Just don't know if it's all of them, someone of them, volume of them, I know none of that so that will be a stretch of trying to figure out as well. Just another week of adding in at the end of the original plan. 

But for now I'm at the end of the full elimination; so what happened?

I'm not completely pain free. That did not happen, which is a bummer. But I do have significantly less pain so that's good. So I'm better but not all better. But honestly, better at all is good. Right now it's just my old standby areas of pain. The toe I wrecked quite a few years ago, my Achilles tendon that has been an issue since my twenties and the added new one, my left pointer finger. But the finger is tender now, where as before the elimination I couldn't bend it in the morning at all. So a little pain is a step up. Age is fun...

I lost 6.2 pounds in ten days. Right? Now, I know that's not real weight loss, it's due to the really low calories while I was eating a smaller handful of foods. And I know I'm eating too few calories right now. I can feel it in my energy levels and my workout performance. But I will hopefully be able to keep the calories in check as I add foods back in and not add the weight all back on. 

And then the real challenge right now for me is the adding things back in part. For the past ten days I've been following (with modifications) Michael Symon's book and plan. He had meals lined out and options for dinners and lunches and breakfasts. He also has sections of recipes for when you find out if something triggers you. Like dairy free recipes, meatless main courses, flour free, sugar free, all of that sort of thing but what he didn't have, and I didn't notice, was a plan for adding back in.

Or I guess I should say, he has a plan, add things in one at a time over two days. Which when I first read that I thought there was no way that would be enough time and thought I'd probably add a new thing a week. But then the nightshades incident happened and I realized, oh, well, this doesn't take long at all to realize it doesn't agree with you! So I'm following his recommendation of a new thing over two days. 

But no plan as in no recipes to build on the new items. No system for what to eat now. Like the meatless recipes might still have flour and dairy. So they don't work until you've added back in all of the things and know what you have to do without.

I'll figure it out, but as I was putting together meal ideas for the next few days I realized that I'm a huge creature of habit and a lot of my meals have multiple items I've eliminated. Like I'm having chicken tonight. Great. I'll do a stir fry. But make sure no sugar so no teriyaki sauce. I'm doing a pork loin over the weekend, no mac and cheese for a side. Beef on Monday umm...after two days of chicken and two days of pork I'm running out of things to pair! Like I said, I'm figuring it out. But it's a challenge. 

Assuming everything adds in nicely I'll be done with this part by the end of February. But if I get a reaction to something I'll need to take a step back and do a couple of days of the elimination to clear it all out. By the time March starts I will look at adding in the nightshades again. Or testing to see if I can add any of them in or if that's just a no. That's going to take a bit of time since I know that something in there is causing an issue. I will, of course, start with green chile and hope that that is not one of them. 

Then after all of that is done I'll have a drink. 

I know that sounds like a joke but the last thing to add back in will be alcohol. 

So I'm starting the second half of the process now. The first half was successful as far as noticing that there is an issue and already knowing one of the trigger areas. The second half looks daunting right now and I am so over it already but it's the actual important part so I will keep telling myself that over and over. And then when I have some more answers I will start designing a new way of eating. 

But right now? Looking at the weekend? I'm ready to toss it all out the window for a stack of pancakes or a breakfast taco...

*sigh*

But I will be excited for my chicken and pork instead. 

Soooo excited....

Remember When?

Remember in November when Biden was elected and we all were like...oh whew! In just a few months we will never have to think about Trump again!

And then he lied about the election results for months, fomented an insurrection, got impeached, had a trial where Republicans who voted with open eyes are getting censured by their party,  some of the ones that voted to acquit are still saying, yeah he did it but what are you gonna do right? and ones that have completely lost their way are saying, it wasn't even THAT bad. I mean, who hasn't tried to overturn and election, called out to hang the Vice President and smeared LITERAL shit on the walls of Congress? I mean sure, we normally spread figurative shit, like this, but honestly is it even any different? AND...the Democrats put a blue check mark where there shouldn't have been one in the testimony slides so it's all a hoax!

And people in Florida lined the streets to clap for Trump as he came back from golfing.

I've said it for ages that he's a symptom, not the disease, but for fuck's sake it would be nice if the Republicans would purge him from their system so they could at least try and pretend they wanted to cure the disease he represents.

It's frustrating because I know, like solidly know, at this point that it is who they are. That no matter what excuses are made (but, but, but, abortion! and taxes! and guns! And taxing gun sales to abortion protestors!) they said, yeah, we support Trump. And we will vote for him. And we will ignore every. single. other. thing. Because we can OWN THE LIBS! And that is the basic platform. 

When asked why they still support Trump they come out with things like, he tells it like it is. He is going to root out the deep state. He's just like me. He OWNS THE LIBS! For four years I saw the arguments boil down to "what? are you triggered?" and "I love the flavor of liberal tears!" 

If your whole position is just making the other side mad, it's not a position, you're just an asshole. 

Oh but if you call them an asshole they cry about being canceled. Because not only do they want to OWN THE LIBS they don't want any consequences for it. 

Like I said, I know who they are. 

But...

Who am I? And this is always where it's so fucking hard. Because I really want to see the good in people. And even in people who are fundamentally broken in the greater empathy department (which is what the Republican party is) there can be shots of decency. You can see the good parts of people. But people aren't like cheese where you can just cut the bad parts off and have a perfectly fine piece of cheese left. You don't get to ignore the bad parts with people because that rot goes deep.

If you say, well they are decent to me, and they donate to this or that charity, and they are nice to old people, then you have to tell yourself that it doesn't bother you that they aren't decent to the trans kid who is struggling enough without having to worry about a junk check before playing a sport or using the restroom. That they give to a charity but they rail against the program to house the houseless because their money shouldn't go to people like that. They are nice to old people but only SOME old people. I mean there are old people out there who just didn't do enough to not get sick, or save money they didn't have to save, or...whatever.

It's that balance thing. 

It's awfully hard to look at the good and the bad and not have the bad outweigh it all. 

Because the bad really flavors all of it. How can I think you are good to people when it's not to all people? Or even most people? It's not politics anymore. The parties have split away from that. We just call it politics because Empathetic and Lacking Empathy seems like a hard sell for debates.

I mean, they don't want to admit they lack empathy so...abortion, guns, taxation. Sure...okay.

But it's not.

It's a rot in the party. Deep rot. And back in November we all had a moment where we pretended it would go away. The spell would be broken. Carving the bad part off would leave decent cheese. Or at least a chance for decent cheese.

But Trump wasn't just a small bad part. He's the symbol of the deep rot that goes through the whole thing. There is nothing to carve off, because there would be nothing left.

And I don't know what to think about that.

Which is even worse than having to think about Trump. 

Now That's Classy....

I was probably 25 before I realized that Cold Duck was NOT the same as champagne. And I found out by telling someone that I liked Cold Duck for special occasions and they were like...what would that be? When the store is out of Colt 45?

I can remember that feeling. That moment of realizing that you didn't know a whole language that other people seemed to know. 

I had friends in high school that were from families with more money than mine, which wasn't difficult, and I had friends who had actual money. Like Money. But we were all in high school and drank whatever we could wrangle, typically Everclear, which is cheap and strong and easily mixed with fruity drinks and that was the biggest prerequisite. I mean, if we would have been drinking which clearly we weren't because we were underage and that would have been illegal. BUT if we would have, it would have been Coors beer, not at all because one of the people I went to school with owned the distribution for the area, and Everclear. And I generally had a bottle of Bacardi that someone procured for me...once I was 21 I mean. Not when I was in high school...

And when we were in the military it was what ever beer was the cheapest in that area. Nobody had money so cheap or free was the best beer. I want to say it was Pabst in Florida but that could have been Idaho...

But anyway, we all spoke the same language around alcohol. Cheap. 

My parents were not big drinkers. My father's family has a history of alcoholism and my mother told him that would not be an issue in her house. So they would drink very infrequently. But I could remember Cold Duck around holidays. So it became "fancy" in my head. It was the champagne in my house. Sweet, bubbly, and probably cheap as well. 

But when I found out that liking Cold Duck marked me as low class? Well that was interesting. I had no idea. I mean, I didn't really care. I still am not a fan of champagne for the most part. I haven't had Cold Duck since I was in my early 20s either, but only because I finally gave up on liking any sort of wine or champagne for the most part. It's just not for me. Which made client dinners with winos (that's the proper term for people who have entire basements full of bottles right?) super interesting. They would put three or four glasses of stuff in front of me SWEARING that I would like this type, or that type. Rieslings or Ice Wines are the only thing to come close, because they are both pretty sweet. But still not going to be my go to if I am grabbing a drink.

But we mark people by things like that. Do you prefer a top shelf alcohol over the well version? Do you even know that there are shelves? Do you know clothes brands? Do you care? How about artists? Or composers?

That's a big one. 

The cats don't care for music, it freaks them out. We've been trying to ease them in to getting used to it as background noise. So we've been playing classical music while we eat breakfast and then I pick something while I clean the kitchen. Anyway...this morning I listened to The Four Seasons by Vivaldi. Which made me laugh because I had been thinking about the Cold Duck moment. I had someone tell me once that The Four Season is what people who don't know any other classical music listen to and think they are cultured. I told them I listened to it because it's wonderful. But I also listen to a few other composers, most of them are well known, because well...classical. Classic is right there in the name. 

I don't really have a point to this blog. There was just something in a podcast about race and the pressures of fitting in that made me think about the Cold Duck moment. The person being interviewed talked about how being the first was always a giant pressure for him and how he would have to code switch all the time. He would never have talked around his white classmates the same way he would have around his Black friends. It made me remember that moment. And few others. Ones where I opened my mouth and my socioeconomic status came out and marked me as other. As less classy. 

But if I kept my mouth shut there wouldn't have ever been that moment. Everyone would just assume I was like them. Had the same information. The same touchstones. Knew that Cold Duck was not in fact the same thing as champagne. I never felt the immense pressure of fitting in because it was always assumed that I did. That's a pretty big assumption for people to make. That I'm like them because I look like them. 

Or that he wasn't because he didn't. 

Hmm...

Maybe I did have a point after all.