Comments on my blog are moderated. By me. Cause it's my blog.
Just thought I should put that out there. So if you make a comment on the blog it first is visible only to me. I read it then approve it for posting. This keeps two things from happening in the comments section, first off no spam posts. Though I am sure that there are some of you out there that might be totally interested in how Gina met a rich single millionaire I am thinking most of you have already met your millionaire and are now reading my blog while relaxing on your yachts.
Secondly, and most importantly, it keeps things a little more polite. You don't have to agree with me. I have such a variety of friends that there is no way that each blog I write will be met with universal approval. Sometimes I know that I am pissing off a good chunk of you with every word I put on the screen. But what I do insist is that you add more to the discussion than "You stupid bitch". You can disagree. Post about why. Even post something that has nothing to do with what I was talking about. But keep it civil.
I know this seems a little shocking to all of you since I am blue in my word choice quite often. I am unsparing with my opinions and I am unflinching in my resolve (at times, except when you make a really good point and I have to change my mind) but here is the thing, I am me. I'm not hiding behind an anonymous screen name and saying vile things. Or screaming them (caps lock is yelling). I'm writing this blog as my opinion, my thoughts, my reasons on what I believe and why. And one of the things I believe is that anonymous posting on the internet turns a lot of people into jerks.
If you and I were sitting in Starbucks having a cup of coffee discussing gay rights and we took opposite sides of the issue the odds of it ending in us screaming at each other (forgive my language here, just an example): HOMOPHOBIC REDNECK IGNORAMUS!
FAG HAG!
DOUCHEBAG!
CUNT!
are very very small. But you see it online all of the time. Discussions devolve into name calling. You feel safe behind your computer screen to let your anger out. But it's not productive. It's not okay. And it goes against my most basic rule of life. Don't be rude.
So yes, I moderate my comments. And no, not all of them make it on to the blog. But it's not because you disagreed with me, it's because I need more reasoning than, "YOU ARE A QUEER LOVING SINNER WHO WILL BURN IN HELL!" Not that I'm not a lover of queers and if you believe in hell then you probably believe I'm headed there for a lot of reasons, but really, you need to add more to the discussion than that, so try harder, won't you? Disagree. Argue. Make your points. But don't be rude about it. Same goes for the Facebook page tied to the blog. I will delete comments that veer off in to the insulting without adding territory.
Moderation in all things....
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
You knew it was coming...
So everyone has their "things", their "issues", their lines in the sand and you all know this is one of mine. So you won't be shocked at all by this blog. But it doesn't mean I don't feel the need to write it. You can skip ahead to the end if you want, since you know where I stand, but this saves me from going on a rampage on Facebook and pissing off a lot of people in little doses. I will piss them off in one fell swoop this way instead. We're going to start this blog out with few definitions because it seems to me that people use words and phrases without understanding what it is they are saying so we are going to clear things up right at the start.
hypocrisy- Noun
1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc. that one does not really posses.
2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.
3. an act or instance of hypocrisy
intolerance- Noun
1. lack of toleration; unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect contrary opinions or beliefs, persons of different races or backgrounds, etc.
I wanted to start with those two because they are the ones that are starting to make the rounds right now. For those of you living under a rock you know that this past week the debate in social media has been about Chick-Fil-A's president's public statements that he is against gay marriage. He believes that it is arrogant of this generation to try to redefine the biblical definition of marriage. So then the shit storm started. People that were unaware of his opinion (though I'm not sure how you could be) were made aware. People that felt passionately about what he said made plans to either 1. Boycott the restaurant or 2. Eat there more often. And now we have moved on to the part of the debate where people start calling each other names.
My stance on this is really solid. Has been for years. I don't care that Mr. Cathy believes what he believes. I think he's wrong, he thinks I'm wrong. Don't care. What I care about is if I am someplace with a Chick-Fil-A and I stop in for a chicken biscuit and some waffle fries part of the dollars I spend there end up in his pocket and he donates to support legislation blocking things like gay marriage rights. He does it personally and according to reports the company also does it. Because well companies are people too, don't you know. So for me the choice is crystal clear. I don't eat at Chick-Fil-A. And I am vocal about why I don't eat at Chick-Fil-A.
Same stance I took on the Boy Scouts of America years ago and has been reinforced just recently. BSA promotes that old nugget of an idea that homosexuality is not only a sin but is equal to pedophilia. So when C reached the age where they were recruiting I told him that he could not join. Then I told him why. Explained how they don't line up with our values or beliefs and exactly why they don't. He understood and that was the end of the discussion. Why join a group that preaches a message you don't believe in? I also don't buy their popcorn, Christmas trees, or anything else that financially supports the organization. And this is where I get in trouble with friends. "Oh the BSA do so much good! They help make sure boys are raised with strong morals and skills! How can you deny a boy over something like this?" Over something small like saying that people I love are child molesters because they are gay? That's not really small. Over something small like saying that because they are gay (and thus potential child molesters) they aren't welcome to join this organization? This isn't small to me. It's insulting. You call that raising a boy with strong morals? I call it teaching them that institutionalized prejudice is okay.
You will notice on both of these fronts though what I am really clear on is that these are my opinions and my choices. I don't eat at Chick-Fil-A. I don't contribute to the BSA. What you do is up to you and your choices. But people get really upset about these sorts of stands. And then they start getting insulting. And calling names. And getting irate. And calling people who hold the beliefs I do hypocrites because we are intolerant of intolerance. Well let me make this really clear for you. I'm no hypocrite. I'm not intolerant of intolerance. I'm intolerant of you forcing your intolerance on me. I'm intolerant of people preaching hate and couching it as a religious belief and then telling me that makes it okay. I'm very consistent in my intolerance.
If I said NOBODY SHOULD EVER BE INTOLERANT OF ANYTHING! Then have at it. But I think we should all be intolerant of things that go against what we believe. That's not hypocrisy, that's conviction. If I said that I was anti-gay rights while at the same time soliciting sex from a woman, that would make me a hypocrite (see Ted Haggard). Hypocrisy is stating one belief while practicing another. Or even stating a belief because you think it's what the people around you want to hear while you believe something else. Mr. Cathy from Chick-Fil-A isn't a hypocrite, he believes that gay people don't have the same rights as straight people and he will do what he can to make sure that stays that way. He's an idiot (in my opinion) but in that area he's not a hypocrite.
Now, his idea that the biblical definition of marriage is clear makes him like most Christians, and that is woefully uneducated about the book they base their own religion on. The bible has a lot of things in it that we don't follow now. Including marriage definitions, you hear these a lot during these sorts of arguments, polygamy, marrying your brother-in-law if your husband dies before you have had a son, how much a man needs to pay the father of the woman he raped to make the marriage then binding. There is also the talk about homosexuality being an abomination. Well so is wearing cloth of two different fibers and eating shellfish. So if Mr. Cathy eats lobster and wears a cotton/poly blend then we could probably call him out for a touch of hypocrisy considering he is taking his views on homosexuality from the same passage as the shellfish and fabric.
But we don't. We say that it's silly to hold people to these odd passages. And really we should all be grateful for these touches of hypocrisy because the bible also states that disrespectful and disobedient children should be taken out to the city limits and stoned to death. How many of us would have made it out of our teen years if we had a truly biblical upbringing? Not me, that's for sure.
Now here is the thing, keep your faith. Keep the parts of it that make sense. I don't have an issue with you doing so. I don't even have an issue with you raising your children to believe what you believe. But when you start to try to actively legislate your beliefs I have issue. I have issue with the fact that you pick and choose which of your "sins" you decide should be laws. You think homosexuality is a sin so you say no gay marriage. Well, buddy, adultery makes your top ten list of sins yet it's legal. Those bible verses you like to quote about a man leaves his parents and clings to his wife, but you say it's about man and woman marriage. Know what? They are about divorce. SIN. Big one. Unless one of you is an adulterer (remember top ten list) you don't get a divorce because it's a sin. But still legal. So why aren't you out there proposing that divorce should be stricken from the books? Or that adulterers should go to jail? Why? Because that would affect too many of YOU. It's easy to say it's a sin and it should be illegal if it doesn't affect you personally.
So Mr. Cathy speaks out against gay marriage. I speak out against Mr. Cathy and also stop going to his restaurants. Mike Huckabee speaks in favor of Mr. Cathy and urges other people to go to his restaurants. J.C. Penney hires a gay spokesperson and Million Moms call for a boycott. J.C. Penney hires a gay spokesperson and I go shopping there as often as I used to. This is what living in freedom is. It's not hypocrisy to say I don't agree with you so I am making my opinion known, that's freedom. It's not hypocrisy to say I find your stance intolerable to me just because their stance is intolerance of someone else. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong to be intolerant of everything, I am saying I don't agree with who you are being intolerant of. It's a definite distinction and one people would do well to pay attention to or else they just look stupid.
And while we are on the subject other things that make you look stupid are bringing other religion's beliefs in to the argument, "Why is it that Christians are the ones getting blasted for the anti-gay message when Muslims believe the same thing? And you know that they want us all living under Sharia law!" I don't care what your religion is, keep it to yourself and out of my law books. Why is it that people who are the most paranoid about Sharia law coming to the States are also the ones who want to legislate based off of their religious beliefs?
Heard one today about stopping driving my car because the Leaders of OPEC kill homosexuals. Really? Which ones? Or is it that you are stating that some of the people in some of the countries that are members of OPEC hold a religious belief that says that they should? Because you really don't want to wade in to the waters of what Mr. Cathy's religious beliefs have led people to do in his god's name. Or even what is a kill-able offense in the bible (remember that disrespectful children part).
Here's the deal. Mr. Cathy made his personal religious beliefs publicly known. People reacted. They either agreed or disagreed or didn't care. From those reactions to what he said and what he does with his money people were left with other decisions that they made. Either they changed their behavior (no more CFA, more CFA) or they didn't. As much as anything he gave a lesson to other companies, be very careful in today's day and age of instant media sharing what you say. If you don't want your company involved in hot topic political discussions then keep your private opinions just that. If you want to take a stand for your beliefs, then feel free. But don't expect everyone to agree with you. And it could affect your bottom line.
My friends, this is not what hypocrisy looks like.
This is what freedom looks like.
(puts soap box back in closet until next time)
hypocrisy- Noun
1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc. that one does not really posses.
2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.
3. an act or instance of hypocrisy
intolerance- Noun
1. lack of toleration; unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect contrary opinions or beliefs, persons of different races or backgrounds, etc.
I wanted to start with those two because they are the ones that are starting to make the rounds right now. For those of you living under a rock you know that this past week the debate in social media has been about Chick-Fil-A's president's public statements that he is against gay marriage. He believes that it is arrogant of this generation to try to redefine the biblical definition of marriage. So then the shit storm started. People that were unaware of his opinion (though I'm not sure how you could be) were made aware. People that felt passionately about what he said made plans to either 1. Boycott the restaurant or 2. Eat there more often. And now we have moved on to the part of the debate where people start calling each other names.
My stance on this is really solid. Has been for years. I don't care that Mr. Cathy believes what he believes. I think he's wrong, he thinks I'm wrong. Don't care. What I care about is if I am someplace with a Chick-Fil-A and I stop in for a chicken biscuit and some waffle fries part of the dollars I spend there end up in his pocket and he donates to support legislation blocking things like gay marriage rights. He does it personally and according to reports the company also does it. Because well companies are people too, don't you know. So for me the choice is crystal clear. I don't eat at Chick-Fil-A. And I am vocal about why I don't eat at Chick-Fil-A.
Same stance I took on the Boy Scouts of America years ago and has been reinforced just recently. BSA promotes that old nugget of an idea that homosexuality is not only a sin but is equal to pedophilia. So when C reached the age where they were recruiting I told him that he could not join. Then I told him why. Explained how they don't line up with our values or beliefs and exactly why they don't. He understood and that was the end of the discussion. Why join a group that preaches a message you don't believe in? I also don't buy their popcorn, Christmas trees, or anything else that financially supports the organization. And this is where I get in trouble with friends. "Oh the BSA do so much good! They help make sure boys are raised with strong morals and skills! How can you deny a boy over something like this?" Over something small like saying that people I love are child molesters because they are gay? That's not really small. Over something small like saying that because they are gay (and thus potential child molesters) they aren't welcome to join this organization? This isn't small to me. It's insulting. You call that raising a boy with strong morals? I call it teaching them that institutionalized prejudice is okay.
You will notice on both of these fronts though what I am really clear on is that these are my opinions and my choices. I don't eat at Chick-Fil-A. I don't contribute to the BSA. What you do is up to you and your choices. But people get really upset about these sorts of stands. And then they start getting insulting. And calling names. And getting irate. And calling people who hold the beliefs I do hypocrites because we are intolerant of intolerance. Well let me make this really clear for you. I'm no hypocrite. I'm not intolerant of intolerance. I'm intolerant of you forcing your intolerance on me. I'm intolerant of people preaching hate and couching it as a religious belief and then telling me that makes it okay. I'm very consistent in my intolerance.
If I said NOBODY SHOULD EVER BE INTOLERANT OF ANYTHING! Then have at it. But I think we should all be intolerant of things that go against what we believe. That's not hypocrisy, that's conviction. If I said that I was anti-gay rights while at the same time soliciting sex from a woman, that would make me a hypocrite (see Ted Haggard). Hypocrisy is stating one belief while practicing another. Or even stating a belief because you think it's what the people around you want to hear while you believe something else. Mr. Cathy from Chick-Fil-A isn't a hypocrite, he believes that gay people don't have the same rights as straight people and he will do what he can to make sure that stays that way. He's an idiot (in my opinion) but in that area he's not a hypocrite.
Now, his idea that the biblical definition of marriage is clear makes him like most Christians, and that is woefully uneducated about the book they base their own religion on. The bible has a lot of things in it that we don't follow now. Including marriage definitions, you hear these a lot during these sorts of arguments, polygamy, marrying your brother-in-law if your husband dies before you have had a son, how much a man needs to pay the father of the woman he raped to make the marriage then binding. There is also the talk about homosexuality being an abomination. Well so is wearing cloth of two different fibers and eating shellfish. So if Mr. Cathy eats lobster and wears a cotton/poly blend then we could probably call him out for a touch of hypocrisy considering he is taking his views on homosexuality from the same passage as the shellfish and fabric.
But we don't. We say that it's silly to hold people to these odd passages. And really we should all be grateful for these touches of hypocrisy because the bible also states that disrespectful and disobedient children should be taken out to the city limits and stoned to death. How many of us would have made it out of our teen years if we had a truly biblical upbringing? Not me, that's for sure.
Now here is the thing, keep your faith. Keep the parts of it that make sense. I don't have an issue with you doing so. I don't even have an issue with you raising your children to believe what you believe. But when you start to try to actively legislate your beliefs I have issue. I have issue with the fact that you pick and choose which of your "sins" you decide should be laws. You think homosexuality is a sin so you say no gay marriage. Well, buddy, adultery makes your top ten list of sins yet it's legal. Those bible verses you like to quote about a man leaves his parents and clings to his wife, but you say it's about man and woman marriage. Know what? They are about divorce. SIN. Big one. Unless one of you is an adulterer (remember top ten list) you don't get a divorce because it's a sin. But still legal. So why aren't you out there proposing that divorce should be stricken from the books? Or that adulterers should go to jail? Why? Because that would affect too many of YOU. It's easy to say it's a sin and it should be illegal if it doesn't affect you personally.
So Mr. Cathy speaks out against gay marriage. I speak out against Mr. Cathy and also stop going to his restaurants. Mike Huckabee speaks in favor of Mr. Cathy and urges other people to go to his restaurants. J.C. Penney hires a gay spokesperson and Million Moms call for a boycott. J.C. Penney hires a gay spokesperson and I go shopping there as often as I used to. This is what living in freedom is. It's not hypocrisy to say I don't agree with you so I am making my opinion known, that's freedom. It's not hypocrisy to say I find your stance intolerable to me just because their stance is intolerance of someone else. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong to be intolerant of everything, I am saying I don't agree with who you are being intolerant of. It's a definite distinction and one people would do well to pay attention to or else they just look stupid.
And while we are on the subject other things that make you look stupid are bringing other religion's beliefs in to the argument, "Why is it that Christians are the ones getting blasted for the anti-gay message when Muslims believe the same thing? And you know that they want us all living under Sharia law!" I don't care what your religion is, keep it to yourself and out of my law books. Why is it that people who are the most paranoid about Sharia law coming to the States are also the ones who want to legislate based off of their religious beliefs?
Heard one today about stopping driving my car because the Leaders of OPEC kill homosexuals. Really? Which ones? Or is it that you are stating that some of the people in some of the countries that are members of OPEC hold a religious belief that says that they should? Because you really don't want to wade in to the waters of what Mr. Cathy's religious beliefs have led people to do in his god's name. Or even what is a kill-able offense in the bible (remember that disrespectful children part).
Here's the deal. Mr. Cathy made his personal religious beliefs publicly known. People reacted. They either agreed or disagreed or didn't care. From those reactions to what he said and what he does with his money people were left with other decisions that they made. Either they changed their behavior (no more CFA, more CFA) or they didn't. As much as anything he gave a lesson to other companies, be very careful in today's day and age of instant media sharing what you say. If you don't want your company involved in hot topic political discussions then keep your private opinions just that. If you want to take a stand for your beliefs, then feel free. But don't expect everyone to agree with you. And it could affect your bottom line.
My friends, this is not what hypocrisy looks like.
This is what freedom looks like.
(puts soap box back in closet until next time)
Thursday, July 26, 2012
To tweet or not to tweet....
So I've been thinking about getting back on Twitter. I tweeted years ago and left because the volume of tweets and information coming at me was overwhelming. It just was all too much. But lately I've been thinking it might be time to head back in and try again. I subscribe to Wil Wheaton on Facebook and often what he posts is a response to a tweet that has come through, now because I am not on Twitter I can't go see what the whole thread was and that bothers me. Friends of mine who are more active with their writing promote pieces through Twitter and this gives them a more robust readership base. And I've been thinking about getting off of Facebook and this would give me a way of posting when a new blog went up.
Did you catch that last line and have to re-read it? Yes, I'm thinking about getting off Facebook. Or at least severely limiting my time there. Now this isn't a new idea, in fact I blogged about it almost two years ago here. And that blog is all of the reasons why I am thinking of getting off, but two years later. It just goes to show how addictive it is for me. I knew back then that I was probably online too much but didn't do a lot about it except ponder it for awhile. But Facebook is a huge time sink for me. After I check in on friends, news, pages I follow, games I play and then start the cycle all over again and again I will discover that I've lost the majority of the day. I've also discovered that I am getting to the point where doing one thing at a time is really difficult. Even if I am enjoying the book I am reading I find myself reaching for my phone to check in on Facebook "real quick."
And I have finally reached the point where it bothers me more than the idea of not being online bothers me. I'm trying to look at it realistically and know that I can't really just quit. I have friends that I only have contact with through Facebook and I would miss them terribly if I didn't get to talk to them a few times a week. C is about to go back to school and there is great comfort as a parent to being able to see that your child is safe someplace, even if it's from seeing that they are online. So I am trying to think of the ways to limit my time online, but still keep the positive aspects of the time online. I've come up with a few but there are other areas I am still experimenting with and this blog is one of them.
The blog itself is online, of course, I also have a Facebook page that promotes the blog and lets people know when a new piece is up and ready to read and there is my personal feed as well that I use to let people who don't follow the blog know when a piece I really want to call attention to goes up. So how do I do all of that without Facebook? Twitter? Maybe...Like I said at the beginning I used to tweet. When Twitter was first starting to be a blip on people's radar Brent told me I should tweet. He thought it was perfect for me. My husband thinks I am funny and that the little quick tweets would be right up my alley so I tried it out.
I did the typical thing of following friends that were there (not a lot at the time, Twitter hadn't blown up yet) and picking up a few celebrities that I thought would be fun to watch. I discovered that someone needs to help Kirstie Alley with her internal to external filter. John Mayer writes wonderful song lyrics but is a real asshole. And that I was not beyond a fangirl squee when Stephen Colbert started following me! And then I discovered that there was just too much noise on Twitter. Too many tweets coming in all of the time. It started to feel like a job to try and follow them. To read EVERYTHING. Now what everyone says is that you shouldn't even try. But how in the world can you do that? How do you pick and choose what to read and what not to? How do you not get pulled in to hours and hours of reading?
Which then turns my Twitter idea into a really bad one for limiting time online. I see the future where I would just be switching Facebooking for Tweeting and what would I gain? More readers for my blog? Maybe. But I'm not sure I want that either. Like I posted yesterday I like that the people who read my work here are friends. I like that we are having a conversation of sorts. And that would change if more people I didn't know started reading my work. Yes, there is a part of me that thinks it would be great, and it would be wonderful to start a base for any fiction I might release, but this blog is also extraordinarily personal at times and I am not sure how comfortable I am flinging my doors open for the world. So for right now I am in limbo. Transition period ahead. I went ahead and picked a Twitter name for the blog, just in case, but I'm not going to do anything with it until September at the earliest. Why September? Well...
August is going to be the month of unplugging(ish). I will be online for an hour or so in the morning and then again in the afternoon. The phone will be kept in my purse and not in my hand. The computer will be used for writing with Facebook turned off except during those two times. I will continue to post my picture of the day. To post my blog to my pages. To check in with friends. But I will do it in confined time periods. It's how I quit smoking so we will see how it works for quitting an online time suck addiction. And then we will see what rises up and takes up the time. What fills the void. What have I been blocking out because I have been filling my time with noise? So for now no Twitter. We will see what happens later, and of course, I will keep you all posted.
Just not all the time....
Did you catch that last line and have to re-read it? Yes, I'm thinking about getting off Facebook. Or at least severely limiting my time there. Now this isn't a new idea, in fact I blogged about it almost two years ago here. And that blog is all of the reasons why I am thinking of getting off, but two years later. It just goes to show how addictive it is for me. I knew back then that I was probably online too much but didn't do a lot about it except ponder it for awhile. But Facebook is a huge time sink for me. After I check in on friends, news, pages I follow, games I play and then start the cycle all over again and again I will discover that I've lost the majority of the day. I've also discovered that I am getting to the point where doing one thing at a time is really difficult. Even if I am enjoying the book I am reading I find myself reaching for my phone to check in on Facebook "real quick."
And I have finally reached the point where it bothers me more than the idea of not being online bothers me. I'm trying to look at it realistically and know that I can't really just quit. I have friends that I only have contact with through Facebook and I would miss them terribly if I didn't get to talk to them a few times a week. C is about to go back to school and there is great comfort as a parent to being able to see that your child is safe someplace, even if it's from seeing that they are online. So I am trying to think of the ways to limit my time online, but still keep the positive aspects of the time online. I've come up with a few but there are other areas I am still experimenting with and this blog is one of them.
The blog itself is online, of course, I also have a Facebook page that promotes the blog and lets people know when a new piece is up and ready to read and there is my personal feed as well that I use to let people who don't follow the blog know when a piece I really want to call attention to goes up. So how do I do all of that without Facebook? Twitter? Maybe...Like I said at the beginning I used to tweet. When Twitter was first starting to be a blip on people's radar Brent told me I should tweet. He thought it was perfect for me. My husband thinks I am funny and that the little quick tweets would be right up my alley so I tried it out.
I did the typical thing of following friends that were there (not a lot at the time, Twitter hadn't blown up yet) and picking up a few celebrities that I thought would be fun to watch. I discovered that someone needs to help Kirstie Alley with her internal to external filter. John Mayer writes wonderful song lyrics but is a real asshole. And that I was not beyond a fangirl squee when Stephen Colbert started following me! And then I discovered that there was just too much noise on Twitter. Too many tweets coming in all of the time. It started to feel like a job to try and follow them. To read EVERYTHING. Now what everyone says is that you shouldn't even try. But how in the world can you do that? How do you pick and choose what to read and what not to? How do you not get pulled in to hours and hours of reading?
Which then turns my Twitter idea into a really bad one for limiting time online. I see the future where I would just be switching Facebooking for Tweeting and what would I gain? More readers for my blog? Maybe. But I'm not sure I want that either. Like I posted yesterday I like that the people who read my work here are friends. I like that we are having a conversation of sorts. And that would change if more people I didn't know started reading my work. Yes, there is a part of me that thinks it would be great, and it would be wonderful to start a base for any fiction I might release, but this blog is also extraordinarily personal at times and I am not sure how comfortable I am flinging my doors open for the world. So for right now I am in limbo. Transition period ahead. I went ahead and picked a Twitter name for the blog, just in case, but I'm not going to do anything with it until September at the earliest. Why September? Well...
August is going to be the month of unplugging(ish). I will be online for an hour or so in the morning and then again in the afternoon. The phone will be kept in my purse and not in my hand. The computer will be used for writing with Facebook turned off except during those two times. I will continue to post my picture of the day. To post my blog to my pages. To check in with friends. But I will do it in confined time periods. It's how I quit smoking so we will see how it works for quitting an online time suck addiction. And then we will see what rises up and takes up the time. What fills the void. What have I been blocking out because I have been filling my time with noise? So for now no Twitter. We will see what happens later, and of course, I will keep you all posted.
Just not all the time....
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
You're doing it wrong...
So I just spent an hour reading blogs by Marc Ensign and they were thought provoking and well written and I enjoyed them quite a lot. They were recommended to me by a friend of mine who writes a clever little wine blog after we had a conversation about narcissism on the web. I'm pro narcissism by the way, not that you wouldn't have known that already, after all I'm writing this aren't I?
Anyway....while reading Mr. Ensign's well thought out and edited and planned blogs I read all of the ways that I am doing it wrong. I publish too much. Write often, publish less frequently was a suggestion. Basically write everyday, like I do but only publish once or twice a week. That way only your very best stuff gets out there. Edit, rethink, reread, polish, perfect! All of this is brilliant advice and would deliver a superior product to you, my handful of readers. And possibly deliver more readers to me. And while there was a part of me doing the amen pew nod while reading there was another part of me that was quietly settling in to the corner, arms crossed, lips pursed, eyes beginning to roll.
Because here is the real secret, I like my blog raw. I really do. It's a brain dump space for me. Sometimes something really awesome comes out of here that sparks discussion and debate. Sometimes something really awesome comes out of here that triggers memories and sharing of stories. Sometimes something really awesome comes out of here that you ask to hear more about. Fiction or nonfiction. And sometimes what I write is pretty much a waste of space. But that's my blog. It's Totally Random But....
The whole reason I started blogging was as a way to hold a conversation online with anyone who wanted to listen. Knowing full well that sometimes no one would. But as I started writing I discovered that really the function my blog holds in my life is a space to unclutter my brain. To put the ideas out there that are banging at the gates on a daily basis. I think this saves the checker at the grocery store from hearing every thought in my head when she makes the mistake of asking how things are. It keeps Brent from having to nod and smile as I tell him about the COOLEST THING I EVER THOUGHT OF! Well sometimes...because he has to listen to all of those thoughts when I am not sitting in front of a computer screen where I can dump them out on you instead.
It's a place for me to pontificate about my political, religious and social beliefs. It's a place to share things that make me happy. Or sad. Or that I find to be interesting. And I feel like the people that read my blog (mostly if not all already friends of mine) know what to expect when they come here. Because they know me. And this is what it's like to be my friend. I talk, a lot. But I also listen, a lot. I want to know why you think the way you do (so I love the comments) and I want to take your ideas and spin them off in to what they made me think about (ME! ME! ME!!).
So though I agree with Mr. Ensign's ideas on how I could make my blog so much better I guess I just don't feel the need to make it better. Or maybe it's that I don't necessarily agree with what better is in this case. I'm not trying to reach a wider audience (though you and I both know I have at times gotten wrapped up in the numbers of who is or isn't reading my work), I'm not trying to sell a product. I'm not promoting myself as an expert in any field. I'm writing. I'm sharing. I'm talking. Not polished, not edited, not perfect. Just Totally Random But....
Anyway....while reading Mr. Ensign's well thought out and edited and planned blogs I read all of the ways that I am doing it wrong. I publish too much. Write often, publish less frequently was a suggestion. Basically write everyday, like I do but only publish once or twice a week. That way only your very best stuff gets out there. Edit, rethink, reread, polish, perfect! All of this is brilliant advice and would deliver a superior product to you, my handful of readers. And possibly deliver more readers to me. And while there was a part of me doing the amen pew nod while reading there was another part of me that was quietly settling in to the corner, arms crossed, lips pursed, eyes beginning to roll.
Because here is the real secret, I like my blog raw. I really do. It's a brain dump space for me. Sometimes something really awesome comes out of here that sparks discussion and debate. Sometimes something really awesome comes out of here that triggers memories and sharing of stories. Sometimes something really awesome comes out of here that you ask to hear more about. Fiction or nonfiction. And sometimes what I write is pretty much a waste of space. But that's my blog. It's Totally Random But....
The whole reason I started blogging was as a way to hold a conversation online with anyone who wanted to listen. Knowing full well that sometimes no one would. But as I started writing I discovered that really the function my blog holds in my life is a space to unclutter my brain. To put the ideas out there that are banging at the gates on a daily basis. I think this saves the checker at the grocery store from hearing every thought in my head when she makes the mistake of asking how things are. It keeps Brent from having to nod and smile as I tell him about the COOLEST THING I EVER THOUGHT OF! Well sometimes...because he has to listen to all of those thoughts when I am not sitting in front of a computer screen where I can dump them out on you instead.
It's a place for me to pontificate about my political, religious and social beliefs. It's a place to share things that make me happy. Or sad. Or that I find to be interesting. And I feel like the people that read my blog (mostly if not all already friends of mine) know what to expect when they come here. Because they know me. And this is what it's like to be my friend. I talk, a lot. But I also listen, a lot. I want to know why you think the way you do (so I love the comments) and I want to take your ideas and spin them off in to what they made me think about (ME! ME! ME!!).
So though I agree with Mr. Ensign's ideas on how I could make my blog so much better I guess I just don't feel the need to make it better. Or maybe it's that I don't necessarily agree with what better is in this case. I'm not trying to reach a wider audience (though you and I both know I have at times gotten wrapped up in the numbers of who is or isn't reading my work), I'm not trying to sell a product. I'm not promoting myself as an expert in any field. I'm writing. I'm sharing. I'm talking. Not polished, not edited, not perfect. Just Totally Random But....
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
A stranger....
So for today's themed picture of the day the clue was A Stranger. Sometimes right when I read the subject I have an idea. This time as soon as I read A Stranger Billy Joel's song The Stranger started playing in my head. One of my all time favorite songs. I love the whole slightly sinister feel behind it, the thought that no matter how well you know someone or how well they know you everyone still has their secrets. A part of them that they keep to themselves. I loved it when I was very young and thought of it in more literal terms, visualizing the masks. I loved it even more as I got older and started to understand what he was really talking about.
Even though Brent and I have been married for a quarter of a century (I like saying it like that, it makes it seem really substantial!) there are times when we still surprise each other with things. Sometimes something as simple as not knowing that there is a food that one of us likes or doesn't like. When we went back to Kalamazoo two years ago and drove around the town where he grew up and his cousin Kim and he shared stories of his childhood I realized how much of that part of his life I had never heard about. The time with the cousins. It was fascinating to me. This is the person that I know about as well as you can know someone and there were still things about him that I had no clue.
We had one of those moments this last weekend with his mother. We were sitting at lunch talking about her parents and Ann casually mentions that she hadn't met her father until she was 16. What? Really? I had no clue. And it turned out that Brent didn't either. It was a pretty significant piece of Ann's history that had just "never come up." And as I got that piece of her history the respect I felt for the job she did raising Brent went up even more. Her mother is unpleasant. If unpleasant means horrible, then she is truly unpleasant. And to learn that Ann didn't know her father until she was 16, and it was at her insistence...well....She had no good role models for parenting and still managed to do a pretty bang up job with Brent. There were oddities for sure and he changed those things in his parenting of C. But if Ann hadn't broken her cycle and parented Brent in a way she had never seen then Brent wouldn't have had the head start he did to be the type of parent he is to our son. Just amazed me.
And then while I was thinking all of these thoughts on people being strangers to us even when we know them very well I started thinking about writing. I make up strangers all the time. People you've never met because they don't exist anywhere except in my head until I write them down and let you "meet" them. So the picture of the day worked for me on two levels. The Stranger with Billy Joel and the strangers that live in my head.
And then I decided I should blog about it because I thought that you all would be dying to know the random thoughts in my head!
Which you and I both know you didn't find strange at all...
Not the thoughts, those you might have, the fact that I shared them with you!
Even though Brent and I have been married for a quarter of a century (I like saying it like that, it makes it seem really substantial!) there are times when we still surprise each other with things. Sometimes something as simple as not knowing that there is a food that one of us likes or doesn't like. When we went back to Kalamazoo two years ago and drove around the town where he grew up and his cousin Kim and he shared stories of his childhood I realized how much of that part of his life I had never heard about. The time with the cousins. It was fascinating to me. This is the person that I know about as well as you can know someone and there were still things about him that I had no clue.
We had one of those moments this last weekend with his mother. We were sitting at lunch talking about her parents and Ann casually mentions that she hadn't met her father until she was 16. What? Really? I had no clue. And it turned out that Brent didn't either. It was a pretty significant piece of Ann's history that had just "never come up." And as I got that piece of her history the respect I felt for the job she did raising Brent went up even more. Her mother is unpleasant. If unpleasant means horrible, then she is truly unpleasant. And to learn that Ann didn't know her father until she was 16, and it was at her insistence...well....She had no good role models for parenting and still managed to do a pretty bang up job with Brent. There were oddities for sure and he changed those things in his parenting of C. But if Ann hadn't broken her cycle and parented Brent in a way she had never seen then Brent wouldn't have had the head start he did to be the type of parent he is to our son. Just amazed me.
And then while I was thinking all of these thoughts on people being strangers to us even when we know them very well I started thinking about writing. I make up strangers all the time. People you've never met because they don't exist anywhere except in my head until I write them down and let you "meet" them. So the picture of the day worked for me on two levels. The Stranger with Billy Joel and the strangers that live in my head.
And then I decided I should blog about it because I thought that you all would be dying to know the random thoughts in my head!
Which you and I both know you didn't find strange at all...
Not the thoughts, those you might have, the fact that I shared them with you!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Moving and shaking...
Brent and I are thinking about moving. This isn't a surprise to anyone who knows us, we are almost always thinking about moving. We moved every two years when he was in the Navy and then again his first few years with Intel. We only stopped being so mobile when C went in to middle school and we decided it was best for him to have stability through the rest of his school years. But we had talked about moving as soon as he graduated.
Brent actually interviewed with a company in Pittsburgh C's junior year but it would have meant him being there and us being here for just over a year and that puts a strain on a family financially and emotionally so he turned down the job. The there was the interview last summer with the company in Tennessee. If that had been a better fit and a slightly bigger town we would have accepted the job offer there. Instead he ended up with a promotion and a new position at Intel so he moved (desks) and we stayed here.
But that doesn't mean we aren't still thinking of moving. It just might not be to a new city. Though if an offer in San Diego came about we would be packed and out of here so fast it would leave a little cartoon dust cloud behind us. So for now we are thinking of moving in to town. Or farther out of town. One of those. We are waiting until after C graduates college and settles down someplace. With the way the economy is we feel like we need to make sure we still have space for him just in case he doesn't fall right in to a position after graduation. Though, honestly, we both think he will do fine. He picked up a very marketable minor so he has double skill sets going in to the workforce. But just in case it seems like a good idea to keep room for him for another couple of years.
But then we move. Maybe. I am torn right now between three ideas. One is the downtown condo that I have dreamed of for years. Something with a view of either the skyline or, even better, a slice of the river. Something neat and tidy and within walking distance to just about anything you can imagine. The second is moving toward the coast or up in to the hills. Going more rural instead of more urban. Living on the beach would be outstanding, except for Brent's commute. Trying to get in to work could be a real challenge and would be super time consuming. Living in a little house in the middle of a wooded lot would be excellent as well. I love both ideas equally. Beach and mountain. *sigh*
And then there is the third option. We bought in to the townhouse at a pretty darn good price. We didn't get caught up in the refinancing boom when the houses were being over appraised so we don't owe more on it than it's worth. With only Brent working it's a nice manageable mortgage. There are benefits to staying put. We need to start doing the maintenance that you do after being in a house for 10 years. And part of me thinks that maybe I should just redo the floors and the kitchen and the bathrooms and stay here. We could take the money we aren't spending on a bigger mortgage and use it to go have fun. Maybe travel to mountains and beaches all over the place instead of moving to one or the other.
And I do like where we live. The inside and the proximity to things at least. I'm not thrilled with the car lot outside my window (seriously people use your garage!) and it makes me sad that they have pushed the urban growth boundary (and are petitioning to do it again!) so instead of the apple orchard and the farm land across the street I will have a new bright and shiny Arbor Homes development. But should we stay or should we go?
I have just over a year to decide I guess...though if we are staying I am doing the floors soon. George McPukington the First aka the Vomit Comet has pretty much trashed my carpets and wood floors seem like a gift from heaven...
Anyway...what do you all think? A new place on the beach, in the hills, downtown? Or this place just gutted and redone fancy and shiny? And how often do you get itchy feet and want to move and go someplace new? For me I am ready to leave a city after about 18 months. The fact that we have lived here for 10 years this time and two years before that shows how much we do love Portland. Maybe I just need to bite the cheap bullet and book a lot more travel to solve the itchy feet issue? It's a problem I have, for another day to discuss, I get a vacation all lined out then see the price at the end and FREAK THE FUCK OUT and don't book.
Hmmm....things to ponder...moving on up...to the East Side...to a deluxe apartment in the sky....or in the hills...in the woods...on the beach...to the west....
Brent actually interviewed with a company in Pittsburgh C's junior year but it would have meant him being there and us being here for just over a year and that puts a strain on a family financially and emotionally so he turned down the job. The there was the interview last summer with the company in Tennessee. If that had been a better fit and a slightly bigger town we would have accepted the job offer there. Instead he ended up with a promotion and a new position at Intel so he moved (desks) and we stayed here.
But that doesn't mean we aren't still thinking of moving. It just might not be to a new city. Though if an offer in San Diego came about we would be packed and out of here so fast it would leave a little cartoon dust cloud behind us. So for now we are thinking of moving in to town. Or farther out of town. One of those. We are waiting until after C graduates college and settles down someplace. With the way the economy is we feel like we need to make sure we still have space for him just in case he doesn't fall right in to a position after graduation. Though, honestly, we both think he will do fine. He picked up a very marketable minor so he has double skill sets going in to the workforce. But just in case it seems like a good idea to keep room for him for another couple of years.
But then we move. Maybe. I am torn right now between three ideas. One is the downtown condo that I have dreamed of for years. Something with a view of either the skyline or, even better, a slice of the river. Something neat and tidy and within walking distance to just about anything you can imagine. The second is moving toward the coast or up in to the hills. Going more rural instead of more urban. Living on the beach would be outstanding, except for Brent's commute. Trying to get in to work could be a real challenge and would be super time consuming. Living in a little house in the middle of a wooded lot would be excellent as well. I love both ideas equally. Beach and mountain. *sigh*
And then there is the third option. We bought in to the townhouse at a pretty darn good price. We didn't get caught up in the refinancing boom when the houses were being over appraised so we don't owe more on it than it's worth. With only Brent working it's a nice manageable mortgage. There are benefits to staying put. We need to start doing the maintenance that you do after being in a house for 10 years. And part of me thinks that maybe I should just redo the floors and the kitchen and the bathrooms and stay here. We could take the money we aren't spending on a bigger mortgage and use it to go have fun. Maybe travel to mountains and beaches all over the place instead of moving to one or the other.
And I do like where we live. The inside and the proximity to things at least. I'm not thrilled with the car lot outside my window (seriously people use your garage!) and it makes me sad that they have pushed the urban growth boundary (and are petitioning to do it again!) so instead of the apple orchard and the farm land across the street I will have a new bright and shiny Arbor Homes development. But should we stay or should we go?
I have just over a year to decide I guess...though if we are staying I am doing the floors soon. George McPukington the First aka the Vomit Comet has pretty much trashed my carpets and wood floors seem like a gift from heaven...
Anyway...what do you all think? A new place on the beach, in the hills, downtown? Or this place just gutted and redone fancy and shiny? And how often do you get itchy feet and want to move and go someplace new? For me I am ready to leave a city after about 18 months. The fact that we have lived here for 10 years this time and two years before that shows how much we do love Portland. Maybe I just need to bite the cheap bullet and book a lot more travel to solve the itchy feet issue? It's a problem I have, for another day to discuss, I get a vacation all lined out then see the price at the end and FREAK THE FUCK OUT and don't book.
Hmmm....things to ponder...moving on up...to the East Side...to a deluxe apartment in the sky....or in the hills...in the woods...on the beach...to the west....
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
More Music Monday!
Okay, I know it's technically Tuesday but the blog idea came to me yesterday so I am using it.
I was reading a book yesterday about sociopaths and at the beginning of a chapter the author quoted a song lyric that has to be one of my all time favorite lyrics ever. (Yes, I am reading a book about sociopaths, it's called The Sociopath Next Door and so far it's an excellent read, nonfiction, psychology) So I get to the new chapter and there it is, "I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's and his hair was perfect." I love that line. I love the way it feels in my mouth when I say it. I love the images it brings up in my head when I hear it.
I've blogged about music before here and again a couple of days after that here. I'm a lyric person, Brent and C are about the music itself, doesn't matter what the lyrics are as much as the overall feel of the song. For me I like the lyrics. But that doesn't mean they have to be deep or meaningful or even make sense. Sometimes it's just the way the words sound together, or the way they make you feel when you sing them that matters to me. And if there is a story as well? Bonus!
Yesterday at the gym I turned off my workout playlist and went with Bat Out of Hell. The whole album for me is just perfection. Each song is a story. The words all hang together in the best ways. It's big and bombastic and over the top and just the best thing. I have loved it since I was a little kid and I still do. I can remember writing the lyrics to Two Out of Three on my notebooks when I was in high school. I thought it was just about the most perfect song ever. And honestly, I still do. Though I discovered that it's not the best gym soundtrack because I want to belt it out with Meat on every song and I do find myself doing big over the top hand and arm gestures à la Neil Diamond and Celine Dion....
Then there are issues when I am the only one listening to lyrics and have to point out that it's a happy little song about date rape. Or killing your partner's lover when you in fact have been out cheating on them as well. Or when I ask if it's the finest silver from the South of Spain when looking at jewelry and no one else gets it. Or at least they pretend not to. Because they like to pretend that Brandy isn't one of the greatest songs ever. I mean come on...she's a fine girl who is in love with a man who will never stay with her because his life, his lover, his lady is the sea!
When I was little I used to make up little dance routines to songs acting out the lyrics. And there are times that muscle memory tries to take over and I still want to "gather up the tears" when Steely Dan starts singing. I can usually restrain myself, but it can be really difficult at times. Like yesterday at the gym when I had to keep putting my arms back down toward my sides when I was listening to Meat Loaf.
I think song lyrics were as much an inspiration for me to want to write as books were. I am not very musically talented but I did try my hand at a song once when I was younger. I still have the line in my head and someday it will probably work its way into a story so it has someplace to go.
A well crafted lyric, whether it's a story, an image or just a fun line to say can be a wonderful thing. Lyrics can stand the test of time. Make you remember where you were when you first heard them. They can make you happy when you are sad, bring on melancholy or nostalgic feelings towards days gone by. Or just make you glad to have heard the song and gotten a chance to sing along.
Even if it's something as silly as Do Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Do....
I was reading a book yesterday about sociopaths and at the beginning of a chapter the author quoted a song lyric that has to be one of my all time favorite lyrics ever. (Yes, I am reading a book about sociopaths, it's called The Sociopath Next Door and so far it's an excellent read, nonfiction, psychology) So I get to the new chapter and there it is, "I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's and his hair was perfect." I love that line. I love the way it feels in my mouth when I say it. I love the images it brings up in my head when I hear it.
I've blogged about music before here and again a couple of days after that here. I'm a lyric person, Brent and C are about the music itself, doesn't matter what the lyrics are as much as the overall feel of the song. For me I like the lyrics. But that doesn't mean they have to be deep or meaningful or even make sense. Sometimes it's just the way the words sound together, or the way they make you feel when you sing them that matters to me. And if there is a story as well? Bonus!
Yesterday at the gym I turned off my workout playlist and went with Bat Out of Hell. The whole album for me is just perfection. Each song is a story. The words all hang together in the best ways. It's big and bombastic and over the top and just the best thing. I have loved it since I was a little kid and I still do. I can remember writing the lyrics to Two Out of Three on my notebooks when I was in high school. I thought it was just about the most perfect song ever. And honestly, I still do. Though I discovered that it's not the best gym soundtrack because I want to belt it out with Meat on every song and I do find myself doing big over the top hand and arm gestures à la Neil Diamond and Celine Dion....
Then there are issues when I am the only one listening to lyrics and have to point out that it's a happy little song about date rape. Or killing your partner's lover when you in fact have been out cheating on them as well. Or when I ask if it's the finest silver from the South of Spain when looking at jewelry and no one else gets it. Or at least they pretend not to. Because they like to pretend that Brandy isn't one of the greatest songs ever. I mean come on...she's a fine girl who is in love with a man who will never stay with her because his life, his lover, his lady is the sea!
When I was little I used to make up little dance routines to songs acting out the lyrics. And there are times that muscle memory tries to take over and I still want to "gather up the tears" when Steely Dan starts singing. I can usually restrain myself, but it can be really difficult at times. Like yesterday at the gym when I had to keep putting my arms back down toward my sides when I was listening to Meat Loaf.
I think song lyrics were as much an inspiration for me to want to write as books were. I am not very musically talented but I did try my hand at a song once when I was younger. I still have the line in my head and someday it will probably work its way into a story so it has someplace to go.
A well crafted lyric, whether it's a story, an image or just a fun line to say can be a wonderful thing. Lyrics can stand the test of time. Make you remember where you were when you first heard them. They can make you happy when you are sad, bring on melancholy or nostalgic feelings towards days gone by. Or just make you glad to have heard the song and gotten a chance to sing along.
Even if it's something as silly as Do Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Do....
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