Two Types of People...

There are people in this world who always do the logical thing that their brains are telling them to do. 

And those people are reading that thinking, well yeah. If I am telling myself to do something I'm doing it. 

And then there are the people who are reading this right now even though they told themselves they were logging off and taking care of whatever chore they know they HAVE to get done today because they haven't done it for a week and oh look maybe one game of Bejeweled Blitz and then they'll log off and is that a notification? But that chore really needs to get taken care of so go do that right now then come back to the other stuff and well...maybe tomorrow. 

You know what the "right" thing to do is. And you swear to yourself that you're totally going to do it, but...

I've talked about it before, that every school year I would SWEAR that this would be the year I'd go to all of my classes. Do all of my homework. Really focus on school. And that would last somewhere between a week and a class period and then I just wouldn't. Even though I knew it was what I should do. I knew it wouldn't even be a big deal to do it. And that what I was doing instead wasn't all that pressing. Generally I was reading a book hanging out in Winchel's. And I was kind of bored doing that. And I was probably going to get in to at least a little bit of trouble for doing it. And yet...I'd still do it.

I do have the ability to get shit done when I have to. To power through and make it happen. But a lot of the time my brain is nudging me along trying to get me to go do the thing that I, in all honesty, would probably enjoy more but this other part of my brain is like, nah, how about we don't do that thing. How about we do the thing that is going to distract you for an hour or two or maybe even all day, yet give you nothing at the end to look back on and feel like you did anything. Let's do that instead. 

And it wins.

Which is so freaking weird. 

Brent does not have a brain like that. He does not understand how in the world I can not do a thing I want to do and do a thing that I don't instead. The number of times we've had the discussion around "if it was important to you, you'd do it" and me trying to explain that I wished it was that easy is probably higher than well...it's pretty freaking high.

And I totally get it. For him it doesn't make any sense at all. I mean, it doesn't make sense to me either and it's my brain. But for him, who does what his brain tells him to do, it really doesn't make sense. He sees it as me making a choice to do something else instead of whatever it was that I should have, would have, could have, and might even rather have done. And to be fair, I am making a choice. But it doesn't always feel like a choice, it feels like an override.

I was going to write this blog yesterday. I really want to sit down and write more days than I don't write. It helps keep some of the other issues with my brain under control. I did a lot of other things yesterday but I never even made it to the computer. Even though all day long I thought to myself, go in and write. You have a blog idea ready to go, just go sit down and write it. 

I also skipped my workout yesterday. I know that if I work out 5-6 days a week and eat the right foods I feel better. Mentally and physically. And yet... I didn't work out yesterday. And I'm planning on doing a bit of a sugar detox after Hawaii because I've gone back to mainlining the white stuff...

I know that if I write, read, workout and eat less sugar, I feel better. I am not as frenetic in my head and my body moves more easily and with less pain. And yet...

I don't know why I am like this. I have always been like this. I have work arounds. I have tactics. I manage it pretty well most of the time. But there is almost always something in my head telling me what I wanted to do today that I am not doing and for no good reason.

But at least I wrote the blog today.