Book Club...

"Can we just once pick a book that isn't Romnasty?"

"You mean Romantasy. Like Romance and Fantasy together. It's Romantasy."

"No, I said what I meant. It's like Romance and nasty. What is wrong with a good fantasy book that doesn't have..."

"I like smut. I'm not going to apologize for reading smut."

"I'm not saying you can't like it, I'm not asking you to apologize, I'm just asking for ONE BOOK that isn't 300 pages of a UTI about to happen and 100 pages of what could loosely be defined as a plot."

"Are you kink shaming now?"

"I'm not kink shaming. Honestly, you labeling the sex as kink is closer to shaming than me just being tired of reading the same three sexual scenarios over and over and over again."

"It's not the same three scenarios!"

"It is. Oral sex that sounds uncomfortable more than eroctic, do you refer to yourself as having a split and gash? I don't. There is sex with a man with an abnormally large penis who practically splits her open. There is that split again. There is pounding so much it hurts, but exquisitely. And always the soreness the next day. Why the fuck is fucking always described as painful? Do these Mormon women all get the shit knocked out them during sex and think that's normal?"

"It is kind of weird that a lot of the authors are Mormon, I was going to say something about that. Why is that?"

"Repressed culture leads to porn. It's why Evangelical men subscribe to pornhub."

"These are BOOKS they aren't porn!"

"Fine call it smut, but smut is porn, it's just written porn. Or for those of you listening the audible, it's just aural porn. Not oral to your split and gash, but aural as in fucking your ears."

"I don't even like that people call it smut. It's just books."

"About sex."

"They aren't about sex, they are about a lot of things. The sex is just there too."

"Then fine, can we PLEASE have one book that doesn't have the sex part. Just the story?"

"But I like the sex part."

"So it is just about the sex?"

"Well not just the sex. I also like the clothes. They always have such wonderful clothes."

"That always get ruined during the sex..."

"Not always."

"Really?"

"Okay, well sometimes."

"At least one outfit per book is torn, the buttons are popped, it's stained, something. There is no respect for a good outfit either."

"Okay, maybe there is one a book."

"At least."

"At least one a book."

"So what do you say? Can we do one month with a different type of book?"

"Do you remember how many people were in book club two years ago?"

"Eight? Was it eight?"

"And how many actually read the book instead of just carrying it around until it was time to get together to drink wine?"

"Well.."

"And now? What there are like 20 of us here and everyone has read the book, come with it marked with colored tabs and already found the next two in the series."

"So you are saying no way are we changing."

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But we can hold a quick vote if you want? Everybody in favor of picking a book without sex? Nobody else? Just you? Sorry, sweetheart, you are outvoted. Maybe Book Club isn't for you anymore?"

"Maybe...but I do still like the wine."