Gee, Thanks...

This morning I was looking at something on one of the social apps and a video started auto playing. It was a snippet of a podcast that the algorithm was recommending for me. Okay fine, I'll listen. 

It was a musician being interviewed and he was talking about how he's gone on the offense with his grief. How he deals with it on his own terms now so it doesn't sneak up on him. 

He was talking specifically about his mother dying and how the grief would just blind side him at times. How he'd go for long stretches and be just fine and then BOOM tears. So he decided that he was going to welcome the grief in when he wanted it. He was going to honor her and the grief and it would be his to manage. 

So he does these little things to honor her. Like if he sees a woman who resembles her, or is about the same age as she was, in a coffee shop he'll buy her coffee. He's talking about it and he says, "I tell her this might seem odd, but my mother died and she was around your age and I'd like to buy your coffee." and the podcasters are all like, "Aww, that's so lovely." and then he talks about how he really feels that it's good to do it and the universe gives hims signs. Like a few weeks ago there was a table of women having breakfast in the same restaurant as he was and they were all about his mother's age. So he went up to the table and gave them the I'd like to buy you breakfast in honor of my dead mother who was about your age spiel. One of the women said, "oh my son just died, and he was about your age." 

So they are hugging and bawling and it's just so great. He is really glad he's found this way to experience grief on his own terms and play offense with it. 

So I'm listening to this clip and the tears are streaming down my face because we are just a few days out from the anniversary of Mom's death and today has been one of those in my feels about it days and there have been a few things that have been really emotional, including this clip. 

And I thought, it's great that you get to play offense and deal with your grief on your terms by doing this, but you are the blind side for those other people. Telling them "I'm doing this because my mom is dead and you are her age" is making them deal not only with your grief, but also possibly their own. It just seemed so selfish to me. 

And I'm sure that it's colored by my own mother, but still. 

He's out there managing his own grief and thinking it's so beautiful that he and this woman in the restaurant could bawl together and I'm thinking, maybe she was having a lovely griefless day up until that point. Maybe she hadn't been thinking of her son right then. Maybe breakfast with her friends was the bright spot in her week and you just waylaid her with your own grief. 

So after I listened to the clip I looked up the musician. I didn't think I knew who he was. 

Oh...he sings that song about the guy who is at the bar flirting with a woman but then wants all the credit that he goes home to his wife. It's such an upbeat poppy song about how he should get credit for only mostly being an asshole. 

I'm guessing he and I wouldn't get along in real life.