Home Safe...

She dreaded this part of the yearly doctor's visit. The safety screening. They started it a decade ago or so, as part of a push to end domestic violence. It was a good idea, she guessed, but she hated it. The first year it had actually startled her when they asked. Like did something show? Could they tell?

Now she just kept smiling and waited for the questions.

"Do you feel safe at home?"

"Yes." No, absolutely not.

"Has anyone hit, kicked, bit or pushed you?" 

"No." Wiggle your toes to distract yourself, keep that slightly bemused smile on your face.

"Do you feel pressured to lie to these questions?"

"No." Why? Can you tell I'm lying? What do you know? 

Once the question part of the intake was finished she had her regular exam. "Lungs sound good. Heart beat is normal. Blood pressure and heart rate are really good. You are due for flu shot and some blood work. Have you eaten yet today?" 

"No, just some black coffee. Go ahead and take blood." Everyone else does. "I'd like to wait until October for the flu shot, though, if you don't mind." 

 "That's fine. Any of your local pharmacies will carry the shot. I'm going to check your iron levels as well because you do seem a little paler than I would expect for August."

"Okay. It's probably just that I've been busy this year so not a lot of extra outside time. And when I am outside I'm really good about sunscreen."

"That's good. But do remember to take your vitamin D then, and you should still be getting a little unfettered sun exposure as often as you can. Not a long time in the sun, but a little bit every day will help keep those D levels up. And help you sleep at night as well. Really good for the natural biorhythms."

"That's great advice, thank you." And I am not going to sleep better at night. 

The exam finished and she was out the door and on her way back home. 

On the rare days like today when the sun was shining brightly, and she was alone in the car she was so tempted to just keep driving. To not go back home. To never head back home. Just keep going. But she knew there was nowhere she could go that she couldn't be found. That bright sun would stop shining. 

Do you feel safe at home?

She pulled into the driveway and opened the garage. One last look at the sunshine before entering the darkened house. The curtains always drawn. The windows covered in black film. The darkness of the night replicated during the day. 

Do you feel safe at home?

No. But she didn't feel safe anywhere.

Not anymore.

"You reek like sunshine. You didn't let them put anything in your bloodstream this time did you?"

"No. I convinced her to let me wait until later for a vaccine."

"Good, it makes you bitter."

So many things make me bitter she thought...

Do you feel safe at home?