Deadheading...

I was trimming my flowers today. Taking the dead blossoms off of the geraniums. I'll work on the others tomorrow morning. I want to get them tidied up and rid of the dead heads before next week. We've got a heat wave heading our way and I don't want them to have anything they are directing energy at except for what will do them the most good. I want them to have the best chance at surviving and thriving.

Oh look...it's a metaphor. 

It's really why I cut back on Facebook in July and why I'm working on how I fit it all back in my life in August. What serves me best? What am I putting my energy toward? And is this doing me the most good?

I figured out I still don't want to drop it completely, because I have friends who I only see in that space. And I miss seeing their lives when I'm not checking in. 

I figured out I don't want to mindlessly scroll through it because the majority of the time I see the same things, and most of those things are ads. 

I know that for the most part I do not want to read comments on posts. I mean, sometimes I want to check in and see what's being said because I need inspiration for a blog, but mostly I just don't want to see the crap that people spew on public posts. My god the ignorance and hate is stunning.

So how do we trim those things that don't serve us so we can focus our energy only on the things that do?

It's like my whole life quest. All of the goals I set for myself. All of the challenges. Everytime I try something new or cut something out. It's all in search of that piece. That peace.

How do I keep the things that matter and jettison the things that don't?

And doesn't that seem like such an easy thing? Like obviously we don't do things we don't like, or that aren't good for us, or that aren't serving us. But we do. All the time. Not just the doom scrolling on social media, but the times we keep people in our lives that aren't good for our health. Mental or physical.

Do you have that friend that you know you are going to drink too much with? Does that serve you? Could you keep them in your life without the alcohol or is that the whole basis for your friendship?

Do you have friends in your life that aren't really all that friendly? They are snarky and mean and say things that seemed designed just to make you feel like shit. 

Do you have a compulsion to check those comments under the posts about women's soccer even though you know it's full of sunglasses truck guys huffing about 'Murica? 

I mean...it's easy to say ditch the unhealthy relationships and don't look at the comments but it's a whole other thing to actually do it. 

What if you get rid of the drinking friend and realize that you don't have any other friends that are that close? Isn't an unhealthy night out worth the friendship? And you have so many friends in common with the snarky mean one that dropping them is complicated. Other people will want to know why and then it will become a deal and you don't want it to be a deal so isn't it just easier to grin and bear it when they say "oh, you are so brave to wear that at your age" And sometimes the comments are wonderful and uplifting and sunglasses truck guys haven't shown up yet so you can get in and out when it's all roses. 

And sometimes you don't actually know what is serving your best interests. Like you legit don't realize something is unhealthy until you stop. Or you don't realize you would like something else until you try it. How many times have you seen people leave jobs or relationships that YOU knew were bad for them, but they were absolutely stunned to find out how much better they felt on the other side. And if you are seeing it for them, trust that they can see some of those areas for you. 

We are bad at figuring out stuff that should be really easy to figure out. 

It's okay, it's not really your fault. We've been socialized to be bad at it. You've been told your whole life to suck it up and do X, Y or Z because you have to. And sometimes you do. I'm not going to lie. I think there is a lot to be said for sucking it up and just dealing when you have to. The problem is we carry that over into spaces where we don't have to, we just don't know how to not.

I still have a hard time putting down a book once I've started it. Which is slightly crazy. If it's not enjoyable there is no reason to finish it, but I keep thinking, maybe it gets better, or I've already started it so I should just finish. I'm better than I used to be. I give it a little bit and if it doesn't grab me, no matter how highly recommended it is, I bail. Usually. Unless it's one of my goal books for the year, then I finish. Because I'm bad at not finishing things. 

Even if they aren't serving me. 

I have a hard time unfollowing businesses because I'm afraid it will hurt their feelings let alone unfriending people who I should not be friends with. I do it. But it takes a whole pep talk and preparation and then a close my eyes and mash the button moment. Even if the business isn't something I need to know about or the friendship ran its course a long time ago.

What serves you best?

As for me, I'll keep pruning and replanting and seeding new areas. Maybe I'll figure it out.