What a Pill!!

Well that was harder than I thought it would be and I thought it would be hard. 

Though to be fair I thought getting in to see someone would be the hard part. And that was a little challenging. 

I'm talking about giving in and deciding to try the hormone therapy. 

I started with using our handy dandy in network finder. Insurance coverage is much better if you find someone in network. The nice thing is that our in network is broader than if we just had like Providence coverage. Once I had a list of potentials I did some research online to see what feedback was. Found one doctor that had a one star review for her twitter shenanigans! ONE STAR! You know I had to go look at her twitter account for that...

Turns out she had a major in gender studies, was posting a lot about Roe being overturned and is part of a group of physicians trying to destigmatize the word fat. Oh, I love her shenanigans! 

Not surprising but her practice was full. She was also located in Vancouver and just had admitting privileges in Hillsboro so it would have been a bit far to drive anyway. 

Eventually found a practice close to home that was taking new patients and if I was fine with a Nurse Practitioner could actually get me in pretty quickly. Sign me up!

I posted on Facebook about the appointment. She was not really all in on getting me the HRT. Wanted me to try other things, including a lot of things I'd already tried. It took a few rounds of, "I'd really like to try HRT" for her to finally give in and say I could get a prescription. And I get it, I really do, normally I am not one of those patients that goes in with a treatment plan in mind. It's not my area of expertise. It's not what I went to school for. They are the experts. And I am not one to usually want to medicate at all. If I can get by with physical therapy, or a change in diet, or a different workout routine or an herbal supplement? Sign me the fuck up. 

But this time I didn't want to hear about other options. I've been trying other options. I really was there for one thing and one thing only. Give me my pills. 

So it wasn't really her fault that the appointment was tense. She just didn't realize that me even being there was already stressing me out and making me feel some sort of way. 

I mean, the reason I got my tubes tied was so that I wouldn't have to keep taking hormones my whole life and yet, here I am. Though now understanding that if I had stayed on the pill I never would have had that bout with cystic acne and my skin wouldn't be all scarred up I regret that decision a bit.

Eventually though she realized she was either going to have to give in and get me the pills or tell me no in no uncertain terms. She decided to go with the pills option.

My appointment was at 10 AM.  I tell you this because I feel it's good to keep in mind when I tell you I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescription at 3 PM and they had no record of it being called in. 

I went home and called the doctor's office and they told me that most likely it was because NP Flores had been busy with back to back to back appointments all day and hadn't had time to call it in. That I should call the pharmacy later and see if it was in before heading back. Not super happy with this answer but what are you going to do right?

Then NP Flores' nurse called me. The reason they hadn't called it in was because my insurance had denied coverage for the medication she wanted to give me and the out of pocket cost was over $700. Are you fucking kidding me right now? I mean, basically what they give you is a birth control pill. Same hormones, just a lower dose and different use, but same. They were trying to find a work around, or at least something less expense and she would let me know what they were able to manage but it would most likely be Monday at this point. 

I lost it. Cried big tears. Brent came out of the office right around that time to head to dinner. He, of course, was super concerned with what was wrong. As I explained it to him I kept apologizing. I was crying so hard I couldn't keep it together. I had been so close to trying something that might actually work and then nope. Not going to happen. Because my insurance doesn't think that the postmenopausal symptoms are that big of a deal. 

I told Brent I was just so tired. 

He told me that we would figure it out. We would appeal the insurance decision. We would cover it out of pocket for however long that took, but we would figure it out. 

Which is a great response. There was no way in hell I would pay that much but it was still a great response.

I told him I just needed a day to process and I would be fine on Saturday. 

And I was. Mostly. I went from crying to just angry about it all. So frustrating. Personally frustrating because I had caved (in my mind) to using the drugs in the first place. And then to finally make the decision to try them and not be able to get them was infuriating. And the reason for not being able to get them was even worse. It's sexism. It just is. No way around it. If I was depressed they would give me medication and cover it 100%, and one of the things she suggested was Paxil which has shown some success in alleviating night sweats. I could have gotten that without a blink of an eye. Ask me if they cover Viagra.

But a female specific issue? AND an older female specific one to boot? Nope. Not necessary. 

Fuck them. 

So Monday rolls and I don't hear anything from the doctor's office. I'm bracing myself to call on Tuesday and see what happened and if there is just some generic pill I could get and call it good. And I get a call from my pharmacy that my prescription is ready. 

Hunh. Okay then. 

And yeah, I'm back on birth control pills. That's what they are. Little low dose pills. Still expensive but we are talking $65 a month instead of $700. And my insurance covered part of it so they aren't $100 a month. 

So let that fuckery sit in. 

My insurance won't cover menopausal specific hormone therapy but it will cover birth control pills for a 54 year old woman whose tubes were tied a quarter of a century ago.

But I have them now. I'm back on the pill all of these years later. A much lower dose than that first round back in 1986 but still. The pharmacist let me know that it sometimes takes a few months for the changes to be noticable and I only got a three month prescription with a mandatory follow up visit with the NP to make sure everything is fine...but I've got them. I'm trying something new. Hopefully it will work. 

I'm just so tired of being tired. 

#54FucksSake