Thursday, September 22, 2022

Forever or For Now...

People love a "meet cute" story, they crave them like candy. She liked to think that theirs was more of a "meet in a way that makes people a little uncomfortable" story. Didn't quite roll off the tongue in the same way but she liked it. 

They met while visiting their spouses. They started chatting with each other during those visits and soon realized they had more in common than just the obvious. And eventually they both realized that they were disappointed when the other wasn't there during a visit. That they had started to look forward to seeing each other during that time as much as they were anything else. 

It was one of those really odd coincidences. All of the things that had to line up for them to meet. The sites being next to each other. The visits happening at the same time. The deaths of their spouses.

Yes, they had met over the graves of their first marriages. 

She thought it was romantic. In its own way. 

Originally she hadn't even planned on a burial for Adam. Well, okay, originally she hadn't planned on Adam dying in his 40s either so plans were really out the window right away. But once they knew he was dying and that there was nothing they could do about it she had thought he would be cremated, like she had planned on being. But his parents wanted a traditional burial. And how could they deny them that? After all parents aren't supposed to have to deal with the death of their children at all, so if this would bring them some peace how could they deny that? Adam even looked over the pictures of the site they chose and approved them. 

And then she was sure once Adam had been buried she would not be one of those people that visited the gravesite. Why would she? She was an atheist. She didn't believe in any sort of afterlife. Adam wasn't there. Adam was gone. 

But Adam was gone. 

And she found that she had depended on him in ways she hadn't even realized. He was her peace. Her quiet. Honestly during the visits to his grave he only spoke slightly less than he did while he was alive. But she missed his presence. It had always been her safe haven. And she found herself seeking it out even after he was gone. 

She'd grab a book and a cup of coffee and head out to the cemetery. She'd give him a quick update on what everyone was up to, the kids' latest achievements or difficulties, how work was going, how she was doing. Mostly she used that catch up time as a way to work things out, out loud. People didn't think it was strange to hold a conversation with a dead man if you were sitting by his grave. Have that same conversation in the grocery store and it was a totally different story. 

After the catch up sessions she'd open her book and just read for awhile. She missed the warmth and solid weight of him next to her on the couch, but at least this was something. 

A few times her visits would overlap with a gentleman visiting with his wife who was buried one plot over from Adam. She tried to wrap up quickly and leave if she saw him coming. Wanted to give him privacy. But after a few times of her rushing out when he came he let her know if she didn't mind, he didn't as well. So she stayed. 

Then they started chatting to each other. Catching up with the living instead of just talking to the dead. The morning that she changed clothes three times before heading out she knew she was in trouble. 

But when she shyly told him that, he laughed. He had been doing the same thing for weeks. 

Eventually they started seeing each other away from the graveyard. And oddly enough those first few dates were much more awkward. It was the first time they had been alone in a way. But they talked about it. Everything they did started with a conversation. He was much more talkative than Adam had ever been, but she found that she really enjoyed that. The give and take of conversation and differences in opinions. 

She and Adam had known each other since they were children. They had grown up in the same place, gone to the same schools, had the same friends. Most everything they thought about they shared an opinion on. It was easy to know what Adam thought because it was what she thought. 

This was different. 

Different lives. 

Different beliefs. 

When they decided to get married he sat her down and very seriously told her that he couldn't have a church wedding. That he didn't feel right about that. She smiled and told him "atheist remember?" and they laughed. 

He believed when he died he would meet his first wife again in heaven. She believed when she died she would join Adam as well. But not in heaven or in hell, but in the great unknown. Whatever had awaited him awaited her as well. But she didn't believe it was anything she would be aware of. 

People asked her if she was insulted that he felt his eternity would be with his first wife and not with her. She told them that she didn't believe in eternity like that so how could it? And anyway, how could she expect him to stop loving his first wife when she never stopped loving Adam? Death didn't change their love stories, it just ended a chapter of them too soon. 

And sometimes when she was feeling a little wicked should would add...

"And anyway, if he's right and I'm wrong and he is going to meet his wife after he dies he's going to have a lot of explaining to do."

It wasn't exactly a meet cute story. But it was theirs. 

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