Themes...

I think, at least for this week, I've decided to go with themes for my blogs.  

Fiction or nonfiction for the week tied to a theme, loosely or tightly, but tied. 

Starting this week with a really general one. 

Core.

Who are you at your core? 

I have two quotes I use a lot to kind of wrap up who I am. One is "I'm mostly peace, love, and light with a little go fuck yourself." the other one is "Be the kind of woman that when her feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, 'Crap, she's up.'"

My husband is a fan of Road House, so he would say I'm nice until it's time to not be nice. 

My default is to give people the benefit of the doubt. Which is funny because I am one of the least trusting people you will ever meet. I'm generally quick to spot a con because I don't trust that people aren't consistently running one. I don't let a lot of people into my life in a more than just superficial way because I don't trust that they will be good stewards of that privilege. 

Because it is a privilege anytime someone really lets you into their lives. The ones that trust you with the hurt and the happiness. They are allowing you to share something about them that is really them. I kind of feel like those old fables about people not wanting their photographs taken because they thought it stole a little piece of their soul? Trusting someone enough to let them really in to your life is giving them a piece of you. And some people do not deserve those pieces. And some people will abuse that trust. 

Because I have a broken foundation I am extremely cautious about who I let in and give those pieces to. But I do really like people as a whole, from a set boundaries distance. And I sort of feel like because I don't let people in very often I am pretty easy going about most things in life. Having space between yourself and others really reinforces that what they do isn't your business and what you do isn't theirs. That you can intersect without blending. It's easier for me to be peace, love and light that way. 

Until I'm not. Then fuck you, fuck everything you stand for, fuck your very existence, fuck right off until you can't fuck off any more then fuck off a little further. Once you've shown me that you are not a decent individual I have no use for you. Right now I'm at that point with the Republican establishment as a whole. You'll notice that I have gone away from the lovely posts about how we all have more in common than we don't. Because they've shown over and over again who they are. So fuck them.

And, honestly, even when we have something in common we often only have it in common superficially. 

Brent and I were at the gun range this winter and we were talking to who we call "the lobby guys." They are the ones selling guns and ammo and range time. And they were talking about how many people purchased weapons over the pandemic after the protests in 2020 that didn't have them before. I am one of those people. We've never felt the need for a gun before. But the protests in 2020 really changed our mindset. 

So we have that in common right?

Except no. 

I'm not scared of Antifa. I don't think BLM is coming to subjugate white people in the name of George Soros. But what I saw was the Proud Boys and the Patriot Prayer guys coming in to Portland and thinking they could intimidate anyone who wasn't them. I saw the police failing over and over again to protect protestors and instead share information with Patriot Prayer and Proud Boys and lo and behold, be members of those groups and the One Percenters. Then head to DC on January 6th to do a little government overthrowing. Those aren't people I trust to protect me. In fact I'm pretty sure I am who they would like to body slam and arrest for twerking in the bike lane (an actual thing that happened here resulting in a payout of $75,000 to the woman. If you added that to all of the other payouts they've had to do due to excessive force they could stop bitching about defunding movements because they'd have enough money for a whole other police division).

Anyway...

We don't really have that much in common. It's like the Tom Hanks sketch where he played a redneck on Black Jeopardy. It just looks the same in abstract. The details matter. 

I'm mostly peace, love, and light, with a little go fuck yourself. 

The second quote is one that amused me when I first read it then amused me even more as I posted it as a favorite quote. 

See, another running joke in my family is that if I'm wrong and there is a heaven and hell I don't know where I'll go after I die. The whole atheist leaning agnostic kind of disqualifies me from heaven but the devil isn't going to let me in to hell because he's afraid that after a week or so I'll be running the joint. 

So for me, that quote was because while I'm asleep he's not worried. But as soon as I'm up? He gets a little tense. I'm a little intense. The whole go fuck yourself part. The decorating my house in Halloween chic outside of October. The fact that Maleficent is my favorite Disney character. 

He worries. 

But when I posted it my actual peace, love and light contingent took it to mean that the Devil would be bummed they were awake because they were out spreading good and sweet things. 

Well...okay. Sure. I mean you could take it that way. I guess. 

And honestly that's probably what it was supposed to mean. Stay sweet!

But it's not how I took it. It's not how I live it. It's not why I love it. 

He's afraid I'll run the joint. 

I mean, if there is a chance to flex my leadership skills, why not? And if I'm wrong and some of you are right I'll already have a support group there ready to step into positions of leadership so...

So this week is about core.

Who do I think I am at my core?

Why do I identify with the villain instead of the princess?

And who should just go fuck themselves?