Doing...

So still in that planning stage...

Thinking about getting back into the habit of writing. Getting those gears not only unstuck but just whirring along smoothly and constantly. There have been times in my life where I have been really consistent with writing. 

Hell, there have been times in my life where I've been really consistent about all sorts of things!

I do actually sort of like a schedule. In the way that I like to have something to form a day around. Some structure. I think a lot of people actually like that. I mean that's what traditions are right? Just structure we form our lives around. Every Christmas we...every Thanksgiving we...every summer we... It's all just big framework structure. 

But really tight schedules aren't my thing. I don't like that much structure. I did it for years when I was working. Or at least I did a version of it. Time blocking schedules. Mornings before work were tight. Get up, drink a protein shake, go to the gym, come home, shower and get ready for work, get Katie going, feed us (more often than not it was Starbucks on the way to school), drop her off, head into work. Work for x amount of hours. Turn around and pick Katie up and shuffle her to whatever thing she needed to go to, band practices, college courses, then figure out dinner and crash at the end of the day only to do it all again the next. 

And then when I started massage it was working my clients in and around everything else and doing it all with one car so now it was take Brent to work and pick him up on top of the rest. Katie's schedule got busier and I spent a year and a half in my car basically. Schedules and calendars were a must. Things had to be planned out and if they didn't make it in the book they didn't happen.

Then I quit massage and Katie went to college and...

No schedule. Just vast amounts of free time. 

Which, at first, was great. But then I realized that my slothful nature was taking over and I really did need some sort of structure. And being a person who is able to do things in small amounts I added in just a touch.

Ha! Just kidding!

I totally made a tight schedule again with the things I felt like I needed to do to keep the house running as well as do the things I wanted to do. A cleaning schedule, a writing schedule, a shopping schedule, working out, meals, miscellaneous reading time...it was all lined out. And that worked right up until it didn't. It started to feel like I had never left work. That I wasn't giving myself space to figure out what I wanted to do next. 

So then came all of the experimenting years. Trying tight schedules, time blocking schedules, no schedules just weekly to do lists, written calendars, electronic calendars, goals. Toss them all in a bucket and pull out a new combination. And I still didn't figure out what I wanted to do next.

Which, of course, ended up being how I figured out what I want to do next. Nothing. There isn't a next thing for me on the horizon. I'm not striving to go back to school for a new career. I'm not looking at that next promotion at work. I'm not interested in a new job or a new position on some board running some thing. None of that holds any interest to me. I just am me and I'm just doing life as it comes. 

And for some reason that always feels a little weird. At first I thought it was weird because clearly I was supposed to be doing something else. I was supposed to be wanting something more. Striving is surviving! But I think the reason why it feels weird is because we as a society don't put any value in being. Only in doing. It's not that it is weird for me, it's weird for everyone else. And so they make it weird for me.

When people ask me what I do I generally answer "as little as possible." This horrifies and scandalizes them! Oh don't say that! You are important and run your house and blah blah blah...

Bitch, I never said I wasn't important. I said I don't do much. 

I'm okay with that. In fact I like it. 

Sure, I keep a clean house. I keep us fed and clothed. I take care of the bulk of the errands that need run. I do all of that. But I try my best not to fill my days with all of that. I do it in pockets. Today I did a few loads of laundry, mowed the lawn and ran some errands. Tomorrow I'll do a good chunk of house cleaning. Over the weekend we will run a couple errands (negative Covid tests assumed) and go to the Timbers match but other than that we will hang out around the house enjoying the AC. 

I'm good with my life. I kid about the lack of excitement but that's because the world has convinced everyone that we all need SO MUCH MORE. And I don't. I'm really happy and content and I think sometimes we all get so focused on the next and the what we think we should want that we miss out on the sweet spot of contentment. 

That's what I'm working toward now. What level of doing and being is the right combination for me to feel my best?

I want to write more. I feel good when I write more. So I'm making sure I add that back into my daily routine. Get back into that habit. Writing for me isn't doing, it's being. It's connecting, it's clearing out the buzz in my head, it's creating something fun or at least fun to me. It makes me happy. 

And that's part of that sweet spot of contentment. Find what makes you happy and make that happen. Find the things that are being for you, not just doing. Stop striving all of the time for things and really take notice of what it is that you enjoy. Do only as much of the other stuff as you have to. 

Then when people ask you what you do you can tell them "as little as possible."