We're All In The Dark...

I started to write this as a reply to friend and realized it was going to be really long. So it's here instead.

There is something that I think we all understand and know on a deep level but we forget all the time.

The night is a known liar.

We all know. But we forget.

I think we are first aware of it as little children. When that blanket tossed over a chair becomes a monster in the corner once the lights are off. When the sounds of the house settling become the monster under your bed stretching once it's dark outside. We know it's not true because as soon as the light is clicked on everything goes back to normal. But it doesn't stop the fast heartbeat and cold sweat the next time we see the tiger about to pounce.

Teenage years and young adult years night often works with alcohol to up the ante. There is a reason we rethink decisions in the cold light of day. That hook-up was a mistake. You know it. You pretty much knew it at midnight but there in the dark with the alcohol back-up? You convinced yourself that maybe it was not such a bad idea really. The thing you said to your friend "just being honest" that was a mistake as well. The night told you it was good idea. Alcohol backed him up. But it wasn't. Because the night is a known liar.

And then we hit full adulthood. And parenthood. And the night goes into overdrive. The two AM listing of everything you have ever fucked up in your entire life. The moments where every single parenting decision you made that day will obviously put your child in therapy for all of their adult years. Those nights where your partner sighs in their sleep and you are positive they are sighing because they are miserable being married to you.

The night is a known liar.

It will tell you you are a failure when you aren't.
It will tell you that idea for a short story is brilliant when it's not.
It will convince you that your children are going to end up horrifically damaged because of your parenting when they aren't.
It will play for you on loop that time in 2nd grade where you said that hateful thing to Suzy Backstrop and convince you that it broke her psyche. While Suzy Backstrop doesn't remember that moment at all and in fact is lying in bed 1000 miles away reliving that moment in 2nd grade where she said that horrible thing to someone else who doesn't remember it.

The night is a known liar.

We need to not listen.

And I know how difficult that is. Tonight it will whisper to me that all of this is wrong and the night only tells the truth.

But it doesn't.

And if the night is lying to you over and over again find someone to talk to during the day that can help put some truth back in your head.