We Never Would Have Guessed....

The news loved this story. They loved talking to co-workers and neighbors. They loved recounting the crimes wearing serious expressions but barely hiding the glee in their eyes. It was everywhere.

She reached over and turned off the TV. There was no way she could hear one more person say, "She was such a nice girl. Quiet, unassuming. We would have never expected something like this, we are all just so shocked."

Really? Who are you people? Had you actually ever met her? Because there is no way you would be shocked by this if you had.

The memory was still very strong.

It was the summer she turned 6.

VBS, Vacation Bible School. That brief summer stretch where all of the neighborhood kids went to the same church. At least during the week. It gave their mothers a break. They made crafts and got some light religious indoctrination. She went every year from age 3-10. But that year? That was the memorable one. Because of Jessa.

Kids know. Kids know right away when one of their peers is wrong. Like not wrong in an idea but just wrong. Wrongly made. Off. Not okay.

Jessa was not okay.

And adults are horrible about listening to kids when they tell them that they don't want to play with the new kid because they are creepy. "Be nice! You are being mean! Don't be a bully!"

And it was even worse with Jessa because there wasn't anything to point to to say, "This is why I won't play with her." She wasn't a hair puller or a biter, those kids you could stay away from and it was understood. But Jessa? She was just...well...Jessa.

She was wrong.

It radiated off of her. You could feel it if you got too close. The little hairs on the back of your neck stood up. The primitive part of your brain went on full alert and SCREAMED at you to get away. Run. Now.

But the adults ignored it.

Even thought she knew they felt it. She could see them giving Jessa a little wider berth than they did the rest of them. No hugs. No head pats. She got the dull safety scissors for crafts. Did they realize they were doing it or was it just instinct? It didn't matter she guessed, because either way they were doing it. And either way they were trying to make sure the rest of them weren't.

Instead of picking teams for play time they drew names out of a basket. That way it wasn't always Jessa who was last to be picked. Even though she was good at almost everything they played. But she was still last. When they played Red Rover no one wanted to hold her hand in the line and nobody ever called to send Jessa right over. None of them wanted to see her running at them. No matter how many of them stood in a line against her, that would not have been a good idea.

Because they all knew.

Kids always know.

She thought about all of the people in the news stories, the ones who insisted they were shocked and had no idea. Did they really have no idea or were they trying to convince themselves they didn't know so they had no responsibility to stop it. Because she understood that feeling. The guilt that maybe she should have done something. Something more to prevent all of what came next. Even though the logical part of her brain knew that she couldn't have.

Not at 6.

Not when nobody listens to kids.

But she had never forgotten Jessa. Even though they had only spent that one week together.

Not since that last day.

They were all sitting in a circle sharing their favorite parts about VBS that year. Snacks were figuring high on most lists. She still craved graham crackers and marshmallow fluff in August. But as everyone shared Jessa just sat quietly staring at her. Jessa's face blank. Just staring.

When they were leaving for the day Jessa was still staring at her and she had had enough.

"What are you looking at?"

Jessa, her face never losing its blank expression, said, "I'm just picturing what you would look with no skin."

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"She was such a nice girl. Quiet, unassuming. We would have never expected something like this, we are all just so shocked."