It's been a rough weekend for sure.
I wrote the latest installment of the grief chronicles on Friday and thought, well whew, made it through the hard part.
And then it got harder.
And I feel selfish saying it like this because clearly it's not harder for me, not really but...
After posting my blog and moving along with the day I heard from a friend that her mother passed.
Well fuck.
So her grief is new and mine was all stirred up and our other friend whose father passed earlier in the week and it was his funeral (I'll be back to this again) was Friday and it was just a black pool of misery.
And all of that would have been hard no matter what, the first year is the roughest. No matter that mom was ready to go. No matter that we are 8 months down the road. No matter that both of my friend's parents were also elderly and ill and ready for a bit of peace as well. All of it still would have been hard. But we've got the extra layer now.
My friend who lost her father held his funeral on Friday. But because of the time we live in and the restrictions on size of gatherings and the travel restrictions, it was small. Only a few of their family members could attend. Only a handful could get that closure. That final moment. It's hard.
My friend whose mother passed? Well her mother lived in the States and my friend lives in Canada. Travel is restricted. And if she had gone ahead and traveled anyway when her mother's health really started failing she would have had to stay in isolation for two weeks until she could have seen her. Which wouldn't have been enough time. So she would have been in isolation not seeing her instead of at home not seeing her. And there will be no funeral. Not yet. Because the family would all need to to travel to New York (where her mother will be interred) from all over. So until they can travel there is no funeral at all. Just waiting.
You all know how I feel about that from when we did it.
Yes, you have to do it sometimes, this time especially, but it sucks so much.
So this has been a low level grief buzz weekend. Sometimes breaking out into big fat tears WHUFF gut punch grief weekend.
And then the pissed as fuck at people who have decided that they shouldn't have to stay home anymore because FREEDOM.
It started with astroturf campaigns. The fake protests designed to look like grass roots efforts. They are generally started and sponsored by a small handful of players. And then if they take hold they explode. This one started small, the media loved it so much they gave a few hundred people a ton of air time and then it actually started to get bigger.
Because appealing to people's better natures only works if they have a better nature.
Okay, maybe that's not totally fair, but it is part of it. What these seeded posts and protests are working on is turning going out into an act of freedom and staying in as some sort of communist thing. I'm not sure why taking care of other people is always labeled as communist and socialist instead of just being good humans but my guess is because it sounds like a bad thing if you do the former.
There are posts about how it's actually selfish to stay home because we are still dependent on the workers who are keeping things running so by staying home we are protecting ourselves at their expense. Except that doesn't make sense. I have friends who work in grocery stores and Target/Wal-Mart type places. They have been determined essential workers (put a pin in that one as well) and so have had to go to work daily. I am so grateful for them that they are there. I try and listen to them when they talk about how scared they are and provide whatever comfort I can. Because they are scared. People in their stores and in other stores are getting sick. Because they have to have contact with people every day.
I stay home between visits. I don't go out until I've passed enough time to be pretty sure (though the time lines keep changing) that I'm not carrying the virus. The only one I'm endangering by going out is me. I go out one day, I buy what I need and I go back home. I'm not out daily contacting different people and going to different places. I'm doing my best to keep you all safe. Because if I get it, I will be sick and sad that I'm sick, but if I get you sick? Especially when I can prevent spreading the germs easily? Well then I'm devastated.
Except the people who want to be able to move about freely don't really care about that. Their response is "If you are so worried stay home." Which is so fucking much like anti-vaxxer "logic" it pisses me off. Yes, if I stay home I'm safe. But if you go out to three different places every day and contact all of those people then as soon as you get infected you are spreading it to multitudes. Multitudes who are only out because you couldn't sit your ass at home. It's not about if I'm safe, it's about other people being safe. I am doing what I can to make sure the people I interact with when I have to get things, are safe from ME. I wear a mask now to protect them. We need to do our best to protect those that are the most at risk. And the people working in essential services are the most at risk.
Movie theaters, salons, tattoo parlors, seating areas inside restaurants, none of this is something you NEED. These are things you want. But if you force them open then the people who work there HAVE to go to work or they lose their benefits. Understand this part. The government wanting to open things up because of the economy doesn't just mean some sort of altruistic we want small businesses to succeed sort of thing, it's we don't want to pay unemployment and we for sure don't want to pay the extra amount we've been paying for the Corona shutdowns. They want to stop providing for people.
This whole the economy is crashing rhetoric is bullshit. We have the money in the United States to take care of everyone. We always have. We have the ability to get everyone under decent health care. We always have. We've just not made that choice. And now that we are seeing that it would be better to make that choice the powers that be are doing everything they can to blur that vision for you. To once again convince you that taking care of people who are in need is a bad thing.
It's not. We can take care of the people who need it. We just need to be a little less selfish.
And for fuck's sake stop whining about how you're essential too! Honestly, this one about did my head in the first time I saw it. (And it's not gotten better) If this isn't some sort of bullshit I don't know what is. You want to be an essential worker? Fine, go get a job in one of the essential industries like food service or healthcare. Just because you want to say my job is essential to my family making money doesn't mean the same thing and you fucking know it. Stop feeling hurt because someone else got a title you didn't. Assholes...
Stop being selfish. You are just being asked to stay home for awhile longer while we keep the number of infected down. Don't run out to carry the virus from location to location because it's in America it should be free to make anyone sick it wants to...
And maybe, just maybe, you can help save a few people from blending their corona chronicles and their grief chronicles as well.
Stay home.
Stay safe.
Assume the first person you come in to contact with has the virus and then imagine how far you would spread it from them during your day.
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