It Fits...

Now no matter what I pull out of the closet it will fit. 

Some of it still fits a little more snugly than I'd like, but if it's still in the closet it fits. 

A few of the wrap tops fit with a modesty panel, but honestly a lot of my wrap tops at my normal weight I wear with modesty panels so that's not a big deal. 

Katie called when I was just getting started with the sort so I put her on speaker phone and kept going with it. I think that helped distract me from a lot of negative talk in my head. One, I'm not going to model bad behavior for my daughter. The clothes are the issue, not my body. They just don't fit right now and that's a fact. So it was nice to have the distraction for the first wave. 

And two I had already been presorting. You know, trying to wear something, having it not fit so cramming it in the back of the closet with a huff. All of that huffed stuff I knew was going to get packed away. It was just the things I wasn't sure about that needed checked. And some of those things were fine, some were (as mentioned) a little snug, and some were well let's see what happens when my hormones rebalance.

After I was done talking with Katie I put on some music. Hey! Let's make it a movie montage where the heroine tries on a bunch of clothes! The problem was I used my YouTube recommendations and they gave me a playlist based around The Civil Wars so it was all kind of moody. When "Fat Funny Friend" played while I was trying on bathing suits I told Brent that maybe that wasn't the best choice. But it's a great song so...

And honestly the bathing suits were the only part that really sucked. Because I remember when I tried them on in February before we went to Hawaii and I was thrilled that everything still fit and it would be a trip without having to buy anything new to wear. 

And then when we got back from Hawaii I had gained four pounds in a week. I was stunned. I mean, we didn't kayak because of my elbow and we didn't do one of the snorkel trips because Brent wasn't comfortable with me trying to open ocean board the boat, but we made up for that activity loss by walked a few miles everyday along the beach path. And I didn't drink any alcohol, and didn't really load up on gluten or anything else. And then not only did I gain four pounds they didn't go away. 

And that's where it started. 

I finally stopped weighing myself because nothing I was doing was making the numbers drop, they just kept going up and I was making myself miserable. 

Hawaii was the tipping point. 

So trying on those suits and seeing exactly what the past 6 1/2 months has done was rough. 

We are going to Hawaii next month. I have to decide if I want to try and find a suit that fits a little bit better or just be a little bloopy this trip. I sort of hate to spend the money on ANOTHER suit just yet. If I knew for sure that I was never getting back to my previous size it would be a no brainer, but swimsuits are so expensive, especially when you need one with a decent bra top, and I hate to spend the money for a one off. But on the other hand I don't want to be uncomfortable and self conscious the whole time either. 

Ugh.

But other than that it wasn't a terrible time. 

I mean I wish the thyroid medication was a miracle pill and I was writing about losing weight and fitting into all of my clothes with no issues, but that's not what's happening right now. 

What's happening is I hung a bunch of dresses up in a different closet, I put all but one pair of jeans and a lot of my tops into a vacuum bag and zipped them away for a bit. I will either fit into them again by this time next year, or I will have a handy place to find everything I'm sending to Goodwill. 

Either way, it's not me that doesn't fit, it's the clothes.