Brent and I were grocery shopping on Saturday picking up the bulk of what we will need for Thanksgiving. Katie is coming home and bringing her girlfriend and their roommate with her. Five for dinner instead of our usual three.
And because I have so many dietary restrictions and they have a few allergies as well we've been trying to make sure that there is food for everyone. One of the things we've been trying to figure out is the gluten free aspects. We've gotten really used to eating gluten free and Katie hasn't been bothered by it when she's been home but I know it's different. Especially where breads and such are concerned. We also wanted to make sure that we had things they wanted to drink in the house.
So we are picking up those things that we normally don't have. Some gluten filled wonders. Some drinks. And weighing the options on other things. Should we get this? Should we get that? What do you think? And basically trying to be good hosts for Katie's girlfriend and friend.
And I had to stop and tell Brent how I really appreciated how hard his mother tried with me. I've talked before about the challenges we had in our relationship but I can see how hard she tried to make sure I was thought about and taken care of.
For instance I was really sick when Brent and I got married. I had been for a very long time. Just couldn't shake it. And one of the things that came with that particular illness was a wrenching cough. I would cough so hard it would make me vomit. Just awful. Liquid cough syrups are the best for that sort of cough. Or at least they were at the time. But I hate liquid cough syrup. It's almost impossible for me to choke it down. (quick aside, learned very late in life that that is actually a normal thing for people on the autism spectrum, that if there is a food texture or taste that you don't like you literally cannot swallow it. Your throat constricts and game over. Which actually makes me wonder if what we think of as autism is actually a remnant of a survival skill from our ancestors, can't swallow poisonous plants. Anyway, back to our story...) So Ann went to the pharmacy and made them crack open bottle after bottle of liquid cough medicine until she found one that had the mildest flavor for me to take.
How amazing is that?
She was challenging in a lot of ways but she really tried hard to make sure we had a positive relationship.
As I stood in that grocery store trying to decide if a woman I don't really know would like vanilla ice cream over french vanilla ice cream I understood on a deeper level than I had before.
I mean, I understood, logically, that both Jack and Ann had strained to zero relationships with their parents and they understood that if they wanted any sort of relationship with Brent that path was going to go through me as soon as we decided to get married. I got it. I knew what they were doing.
But Saturday I felt it.
That feeling of how important it was.
Katie has a girlfriend. They've been together for over a year now. I don't know if they will be together forever but as for right now they are planning a future together. All decisions are made together. Katie bases things she does around Slushy's wellbeing.
And because of that it's important for me to make our relationship a decent one as well. For it to feel comfortable in my house.
I understood before what Ann was doing. Now I feel it.
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