Katie calls me once a week and we catch up on what's going on. It started when she was in college; we negotiated. I would have been happy with her checking in via text or Facebook or a call once a day and settled for once a week. She's kept up the weekly call since then.
Right now it's a Sunday call. That's the easiest to fit into schedules. Sometimes it moves if she's doing something with friends or we have a game but for the most part some time on Sunday it is.
I know that I am lucky that she still does this. And I can see a time where she won't. She's got her own family starting right now with her girlfriend and her roommates. They already take more of her time and energy. Which is totally normal. And it's all part of her now becoming who she was meant to be. The comfort in her own skin that she lacked her whole life. That comfort with herself translating to being more comfortable with others. So I imagine at some point the calls will get less frequent.
Just like we have been preparing ourselves for less frequent visits home, and shorter visits when she does come. It's the way it goes. I tell my friends all the time that parenting is the only job you steadily work yourself out of. We just got an extension on our contract for awhile.
I used to talk to my mother a couple times a month for a few years, then once a month, then once every few months, then once in awhile when I could either catch her randomly or would give up and text my sister and have her tell Mom to call me.
It was really bad when the cancer gave her dementia like symptoms. She got really angry with me because I never ever called her when I had just spoken to her a few days earlier but she didn't remember. And after that, even though the treatment saved her life and cleared most of the dementia symptoms away, it still took a lot out of her. She didn't check her voice mail, she often forgot to charge her phone or just wouldn't even dig it out of her purse to check it. That was when I would have to text my sister to have my mother call knowing full well that my mother might or might not depending on her mood. The last year of her life she just didn't like talking on the phone at all. Not in the way that I don't but will, but just didn't want to. She couldn't hear well enough, she couldn't focus well enough, and she was bored with all of us.
That's what it felt like. She was bored with the living and was ready to go meet her dead that she missed so much. And it's hard to carry on a phone conversation with someone who doesn't want to be there.
So I know I'm lucky I still get Katie once a week. We still talk about politics, shared TV shows, current events and the weather. We talk about what she's doing at work. How her friends are doing. I share if I've done anything cool. Which most of the time I haven't to be honest. My life is pretty routine. Which I like, do not get me wrong, but it doesn't make for a really exciting phone call. It's similar to when Brent asks me how my day was when we are having dinner. Same as yesterday, did some chores, wrote, played with the cats. Rinse and repeat.
I know this is reading kind of melancholy, but it's not. I really am glad. I'm glad that we have that relationship. I'm glad that she still calls. I'm glad that she still shares as much of her life as she does. I'm glad that she doesn't sigh too loudly when I share the boring details of mine. I really am.
Parenting is a tough job. I'm glad I am at the rewards portion of the work.
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