Yes, I know, I mine my On This Day for blog ideas A LOT but it's really good for that so I am not sorry...
So anyway, today on my On This Day there were comments from someone who is no longer on my friend list. Honestly they lasted for so much longer than they ever should have because he was an old friend. Like third grade old friend. But he grew up to be an asshole of the highest order.
There is only so long nostalgia will paper that shit over.
But seeing that post and discussion and thinking about all of the various ones we'd had before he got tossed got me thinking about our friendship over the years. And I had to say a silent "you were right, thank you" to my teenage self.
There was a stretch of time my sophomore year where I ate lunch with the chess team. He was on the chess team at the time and so we spent a good amount of time together. I enjoyed my time hanging out with them. They taught me the basics on playing chess and on one memorable occasion with some "creative" help I beat their best player. Technically it was me and the entire rest of the team that beat him, but he couldn't figure out how we were cheating so...
But there was a conversation we had once that really stuck with me.
He told me that I wouldn't date him because girls never dated nice guys. They only liked the jerks. His example was that I would flirt with one of the guys on the team but not with others. And in a way he was right, but the way this particular guy and I flirted was like 40s movie banter. We quipped at each other. It was fun. And there was no way we were ever going to date because he was a jerk. That was the part that the other boy got wrong.
I was fine flirting with the jerk, and I know he was able to date a variety of girls (being cute helped) but I wasn't ever going to date him because I knew he was a jerk. But I did have to wonder why I would never considered dating the nice guy. He was also cute, and probably shouldn't have had a hard time getting dates, but...
I didn't like him. Not like that. There was something off with him. That's what I thought. And he pretty much convinced me in that conversation, and others that followed, that it was the fact that he was nice.
And I am uncomfortable around people who are REALLY nice. I've talked before about meeting Brent's cousin for the first time and not being really sure she wasn't putting us on. Katie had met her first and told her father that she couldn't wait until I met her because Katie was sure I wouldn't know how to handle her. And I totally didn't. She's so nice I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the joke to reveal itself. NOBODY could be that nice. But she is. She is midwest nice. She is practicing her religion the way you are supposed to nice. She is lost her father at a young age and understands that life is short and capricious and you would do well to let the people you love feel all of that love all the time nice. I got used to her, but in the beginning I wasn't sure I trusted that level of nice.
So he might have been right in a way that I wouldn't date him because he was nice. Maybe that was what was putting me off. That he was just too nice. That I wasn't really nice so it wouldn't be a good fit.
But that wasn't it. I wasn't comfortable around him. I never felt like I should relax. There was always part of me that was on guard. Now, I don't trust people as a whole, so this is not unusual. But it was there. I just didn't like him like that. Ever. No matter how much he tried to goad me into it by saying that I would never date him because he was nice. Daring me to prove him wrong.
Looking back now I think it was just good instincts. Because I did date a few really nice guys. But not the type who tell you how nice there are and that they deserve a date because of it. Because that doesn't make you nice at all. I dated my share of jerks as well. But a lot of nice guys. Married a nice guy.
So to teenage me, who already knew to steer clear of the Not Actually a Nice Guy, thanks. He grew up to be a giant asshole, but I think you knew he already was.
No comments:
Post a Comment