Updates and Catchups!

Part 8
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February 2022

Updates and Catchups!

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this space. Mainly because I started writing as a way to process everything. I thought it would take a lot of effort on my part to work through this transition space. Surprisingly and happily it really hasn’t. I was more worried about not being able to handle it than was warranted.

She is who she is. All that’s changed is she is feeling better about herself than she ever has. She has a language at her disposal now to explain why she felt the way she did growing up. It’s been really good for her. The pictures from Disneyland showed a much happier person than the pictures from Disney World did. Almost two years apart in time but worlds away in smile size.

She came home for Thanksgiving and for Christmas and we got to spend some time together. We misgendered her a few more times than we wish we had. Zero being the ideal number but our brains are used to using the other pronouns and name and when you get on autopilot it’s easy to slip up. But it’s not done out of malice, and it’s always corrected, and she says she understands so that’s good.

We also bought her a Christmas gift. As a family we’ve stopped exchanging presents but this year needed something to mark it. See all of the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments we have, have the wrong name on them. So, we bought an ornament that is a snowflake made out of Katie written over and over again. Katie’s First Christmas. She got a little teary eyed, so it was a hit.

She was able to tell one of her close friends. Like I mentioned Covid has slowed her coming out process down significantly. She wants to tell people face to face if she can, but face to face has been difficult. But she was able to tell him. And that went well. She thought it would, but you never are positive until you do it.

She’s also started the process of coming out at work. She told one of her managers and as soon as their HR person comes back from maternity leave she will start that process in full. We are getting really close to her being all the way out.

I am sure at that point there will be more things to deal with. Helping where we can with the legalities that need handled. Telling our friends and extended family and dealing with the fallout from that. I am hopeful that the majority of people we know handle everything in stride. She’s happy. She’s who she is. That’s all that matters. But, realistically, we know that there is probably going to be fallout. We are prepared. Or at least we think we are.

But for now, things are progressing. Katie seems much happier. We are having a really hard time not correcting people when they use her former name, so the switch is happening in our heads as to how we think of her. I found some photo albums to put the pictures from the wall in. I’m not getting rid of anything. She doesn’t feel that we need to, but I also don’t want to have this big HEY THIS WAS YOU WHEN YOU WEREN’T HAPPY wall of photos up anymore. That’s the part I’m still reconciling in my head. That my memories of their childhood are mine. And it’s okay.

Oh gosh, speaking of using “their childhood” I picked that up from Amy Schneider the Super Champion on Jeopardy. I noticed when she talked about her mother and her childhood she used “they.” And it really resonated with me. Because I didn’t raise Katie as a girl. I just didn’t. I didn’t know I was supposed to. My memories are of my little boy, but my adult child is a woman so how do I reconcile these things? They. They works so beautifully. Having a trans woman on TV night after night really helped a lot of people see her, I mean really see her. And hearing her speak about her life helped me find a new way to speak about my daughter’s childhood so I will be grateful for her for a long time.

Which brings us to now. Mid-February. We are still in a holding pattern but about to really take off. I would guess within a month Katie will be fully out and public and we will be able to talk about our daughter and what she’s up to in the world. If not I will try to keep writing here so I don’t miss capturing this time in our lives where our daughter is becoming herself.

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