Time to Go Shopping...

Part 6 go back if you missed the others
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 July 2021

Time to Go Shopping

I know I mentioned earlier how I felt badly for my child that they didn’t have a Gung Ho Girl! Mom to fall back on during their transition. But I realized that though I might not be the biggest fan of shopping and all of that at least I have experience with it, which is more than they have. So…we shopped.

While C was a teen they didn’t care at all about clothes. Now we know that a big part of that was the whole disassociation from their body. But it made shopping a challenge at times. There wasn’t much feedback. There wasn’t much help. Things needed to be soft and probably blue and other than that it was always kind of hit or miss on if something was liked at all.

So fast forward to now and clothes need to be bought. But we are looking at a challenging time for a while. They aren’t out yet so want to present as boy for the most part. But they also don’t want to be too strongly masculine either. I thought I knew the perfect solution and sent some outfit ideas along. Colorful bottom layers with patterned overshirts. Similar to a lot of what I wear, just swap the over shirt for a cardigan and you have a cornerstone of my wardrobe for years.

But everything was just too male for them. I was trying to find a balance that softened up a masculine edge without getting too feminine and also not trying to present as gay male. It was harder than I thought it would be. And also turned out to not be what they were looking for.

Back to the drawing board. They sent me some pictures of things they had already bought that they liked and felt comfortable wearing.

Women’s t-shirts fit the bill. Not super feminine, they are t-shirts after all, but still a woman’s cut. And soft. And in colors that are pretty without being frilly. Men’s jeans and shorts, the clothing is cut differently and right now men’s cuts are a space where they are going to find an easier time with sizes.

Which then led us to the other “ugh” conversation. They are heavy. And as a man there is judgement and grief attached to that. Everyone feels like they get to comment on heavy people’s bodies. Don’t, by the way, you don’t have the right and you shouldn’t. It’s rude. But people do. And where men get grief women get worse. And where women are judged and graded trans women are going to get it the worst. But the reality is the heavier they are the harder it’s going to be to find clothes that fit, clothes that look the way they want them to look and clothes that are an enhancement more than just coverings for the body.

For now, to start in finding clothes that fit, it’s going to be a blend of men’s and women’s clothing. I’m not sure if the hormone therapy will change the weight distribution a lot or if they are always going to be an apple shape. But women’s jeans expect you dip in further at the waist than they do right now. So it’s hard to find good fits.

Which is frustrating to me. I’m sure it’s worse for them, but for me it’s frustrating because I can’t find things that fit me due to my shape and now I can’t find things to fit my daughter because of theirs. We aren’t shaped the same and yet we are not able to just buy things and wear them without finagling and altering. And it’s frustrating because I don’t want to harp on their weight, their weight is just that, theirs, but I also want to be totally honest in the challenges coming their way.

Who knew shopping would come with so much baggage?

Okay, all of us who have ever shopped for a bathing suit under florescent lights.

But it does suck to have to introduce my daughter to the very personal part of it. They’ve watched me deal with it all their lives but from a distance so I’m not sure how much they’ve paid attention. And as it’s been my whole life, I have some brands I know will fit better than others. I have a style I’ve adapted (the don’t give a fuck style). I know what works for my body and what doesn’t. This is all going to be new for them. And it’s going to be changing. We don’t know where they will end up in a few years as far as shape goes. Basically, doing another round of puberty at almost 30. So, it’s all changing all the time.

The good news is that we found some things they liked. Some things that they feel fit well. Some things that they are comfortable wearing. I also found a couple of cute pieces of jewelry I sent along as well. A good necklace can really make you feel like everything is working.

I might not be the best shopper, but I’ve at least got the experience to help navigate with them as they figure all of this out. We’ll get there.

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