Breasts So Nice...

 ...they had to look at them twice.

I hadn't even made it home yet. Now, granted I had a few errands to run after my mammogram, but I hadn't even made it home yet when the phone call came. I was walking down an aisle in QFC and saw the caller ID. My first thought was that I left something in the dressing room. But I was looking at my phone, I was wearing my mask and clearly the car key was in my pocket or I wouldn't have been able to leave. My phone is also my wallet so I did a quick check of the pocket to make sure my driver's license and credit cards were there. Yep. So I wasn't sure what to expect when I answered the phone. 

Which looking back is really kind of dumb. I mean, what else could it be if they are calling you after you leave your mammogram? 

"This is Rachel and I just did your mammogram here at Epic Imaging. The radiologist has reviewed the scan and there is an area of concern in your outer right breast that they would like to look at further. I need you to call and schedule an appointment for an ultrasound as soon as you can...."

"I'm actually still out running errands right now and don't have a pen to write down the number. Can I have you call back and leave it on my voice mail?" Remarkably still voice. No trace of panic. Or even emotion at all. 

"Um...yeah, sure, absolutely. Do you have any questions for me?" Concerned voice from her. Which wasn't helpful right then, at least for me. 

"Not right now, none that I can think of." How would I have questions except for how are you telling me this in the middle of grocery store, which was completely my fault not hers. She didn't know where I would be when she called.

And then the mantra of "don't freak out" started in my head. It was joined by the very rational voice saying, "You don't have any of the BRCA genes. You don't have a family history of breast cancer. You lead a fairly healthy lifestyle. You've been told you have dense breasts in other mammograms." And those two things, the don't freak out, and the list of reasons why I shouldn't freak out repeated on loop as I finished my shopping. 

And proceeded to have a mini freak out.

I got home and got the ultrasound scheduled. Two days out. Not bad at all. I had to laugh because I had doctors appointments every day last week except Friday. Until then. Now it was every day. When I told Brent he was very nonplussed. "Probably a bad picture." 

"No, they said there's something wrong."

"I think that would be a mistaken word."

"She said there was an area of concern. There is something there. It's not a bad image."

"Still. We don't have enough information just yet to worry at all. In fact everything we know says we shouldn't."

He then began to list all of the things I had been listing in my head for an hour. 

Which was accurate. But still...

Don't tell me not to freak out. I know I shouldn't freak out. But I am going to freak out because I'm a woman and breast cancer is one of our big scary demons. We've been taught for years to do our self exams. We go in for mammograms and get our boobs smashed and screened. We've almost all had a friend, or multiple friends who have had it. Some who've gotten better, and some who haven't. Even knowing that it was probably nothing I was still going to freak out a little. 

He didn't bat an eye that I didn't want to cook even though I had just been to the grocery store. 

Friday.

It was actually my third appointment at Epic in a week. Last Friday I had my hands x-rayed. Wednesday I had my mammogram. Back yesterday for an ultrasound. Just checking out all of their services. The receptionist was apologetic that I had to fill out the paperwork and answer the Covid questionnaire again. 

So here is something funny, when you are getting the ultrasound you can tell exactly where the "area of concern" is. As she ran the wand over my breast it was glide, glide, glide...back up...gliiiiiiiddde...stop...type type type type type....glide, glide, glide.... Okay, so I know where you're looking. But what do you see?

"Here's a towel, you can wipe off the gel. Please don't change out of the gown incase I need to take another image. I'm going to go see the radiologist and they will tell me what to tell you before you leave."

Okay...I'll wait.

But what a weird thing to say. They will tell me what to tell you. Is that a blame shifting move? Or a responsible party move? Or a word from on high thing? I don't know. But tell me what to tell you just seemed really odd to me. 

Of course while I waited I looked around. The image wasn't still on the screen which was a bummer. But apparently my breast is #1 so I've got that going for me.

I opened my Kindle app and read while I waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

Right about now I was starting to do deep breathing, relaxing exercises. Because the longer it was going to take the deeper they were looking at the image. The deeper they had to look at the image the worse it was. Right? I mean that has to be it. If not she would have been back by now. Stop freaking out. You don't have any of the BRCA genes. You don't have a family history. You live a fairly healthy lifestyle. You do your exams and haven't felt anything concerning. You have dense breasts so they are just really making sure. No worries. Just read your book and wait.

And so I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, *knock, knock* 

"I am so sorry that took so long. Both radiologists were tied up with biopsies so I had to wait for one to be free. It took much longer than I had anticipated. I am so sorry."

"It's okay. Everyone is doing what they need to do." What else am I going to say? Of course a biopsy takes precedence. That's the well the ultrasound is bad next step. If I have to have a biopsy I want to be the #1 priority during that time. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. 

"It's a benign cyst. Totally normal. Really common. Nothing to worry about. Almost zero chance of it ever turning cancerous. If it starts to give you any issues, or you feel any pain, let Dr. McCormack know and we can talk about draining it. Otherwise we will see you next year for your scan. Totally benign."

And then she left. 

Nothing to freak out about at all. 

*deep breath*

I have to say that I am really impressed with how quickly they let me know I needed to come back in. If there had been something there they wasted zero time in getting me on a path to taking care of the issue. That's important. 

Get your scans. 
Get your tests.

Even if you know you have nothing to worry about.