More Writing Process

If you haven't read the second half of job security go back and read it first. 

Okay, now...

Faye's dream. She dreamt of an office where as she entered the head of a department was being dragged out and beaten. And it turned out that all heads of departments served "for life" and also had to choose how they would die. Crazy. 

And totally right up my alley as far as weird stories go. 

Now I'm going to give you a little insight in choices I made. 

You all know me, you know that stories go certain ways, so I wasn't even going to try and fool you with wholesomeness. The Institute can never really be a good place right? And I also went with just dialog until the very end, and even then it was kind of dialog between the new employee and the employee manual. 

The just dialog makes everything seem kind of unfinished. Kind of off kilter. Like a dream would be. 

Think of all the details you just kind of fill in in dreams. Big and small things. And no names. Because I'm bad at names for one, and I also liked that it left things even more discombobulated. 

Which became a challenge when I introduced two other characters that would only pop in for a second in the middle of another scene. How do I get you to understand that they are different people? 

Well...

Maybe you do or maybe you don't. Maybe you have to back up and look again. 

Which, again, to me, added to the feeling that this was all a weird dream someone had. A dream that needed to become a story. 

Nothing realistic. Nothing that would actually be handled so calmly. Dream logic. 

I had a different spin on it for awhile as well. A super short story with a book of choices and egos and how big of a splash (so to speak)you wanted to make on your way out. But I ended up liking this skewed view a little better. And to be honest, was kind of hoping I could stretch it to three parts, but alas, there wasn't enough there. 

So now I am down to needing four more fiction pieces. I will know by next Wednesday if I made it out of the first round of the contest I did last month (month before?) and if that happens then I have my second submission locked in and will still be looking for either one rando submission or two more contests. That is, if I complete the year.

Still might not. I've got a lot of check marks and trying to learn how to live without getting all of them is always a decent goal in and of itself so...

We'll see. 

So I hope you enjoyed the off kilter dream story and I hope you were able to follow it and were a little disturbed by it as well. 

Now to think of something sweet and holiday themed with only happy endings...

Right...

Job Security (part two)....

"Pardon the chaos we are having a retirement ceremony this afternoon and it's an outdoor event."

"It looks like it will be a popular party."

"The events are all very well attended. I know it's not always that way with other companies but here at The Institute we are all in this together. When one of us decides it's time to leave it's important that we all show up for support. And, I know, that sounds really pretentious even to my own ears, but it's hard to explain any other way. We are different around here."

"I know. Not that it's a bad thing, but you do have a bigger than life reputation as a company. So many people sitting on the boards of non-profits around town. The arts, healthcare, education. I mean if there is anybody doing anything there is someone from The Institute involved. Or at least it seems like that."

"That's pretty fair, actually. We try to make sure that anyone who can help is able to find space to help. You'll see that you are given a lot of time in your schedule to pursue things that interest you that are also beneficial to our greater society. For instance, you volunteer right now at Sister's of the Road?"

"Yes, I do."

"Don't look surprised, we reviewed your qualifications. Anyway, what if instead of just being able to volunteer a few hours at the shelter you were able to help them fund and build a new housing complex?"

"That would be amazing."

"To get to that point, you need to get on the board of directors. To get on the board of directors you need to show you are capable of holding such a position. And one way to do that is to work for The Institute. You'll find that just having your requests go out on our letter head get results."

"Like people showing up for interviews for jobs that they didn't apply for?"

"Let me get you settled with a few things before we see more of the campus. This is your employee manual. It's large, I know, but it's pretty easy to navigate, and it's been customized to you specifically, as much as possible. Of course there is an online version as well with an easy search function, but I know you prefer a written document when reviewing things."

"How did..."

"And this is your office. Good view of the courtyard there, if you want to watch the retirement ceremony later but don't feel comfortable actually being there this is actually a really good seat. I'm going to pop out for a bit but if you could look at the first few pages and fill out the questionnaire that would be really helpful. Just something we like to get a quick read on before people get too far in the weeds."

"Okay, sure. Did you want a copy of my CV to take with you?"

"Why would I need that?"

"I just wasn't sure if anyone else needed to review it?"

"That's all taken care of. But thank you for asking. That's a good quality you have. Not assuming everyone is already in the loop. Nicely done. I'll be back in a half hour. Make yourself, well at home really."

"Thank you."

"I'd pay attention to those questions if I were you."

"You startled me. I did not see you there!"

"Well I was being pretty quiet and to be perfectly fair I might have been hiding so I could talk to you alone."

"Okay, that's not creepy at all."

"I just want you to take the questionnaire seriously. A lot of people don't. I didn't, actually, and it can end up making a pretty big difference."

"Well you still got the job right? So even if you didn't take it too seriously it must not have hurt you too much?"

"Well, that remains to be seen, but I'm not overly optimistic."

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind. I just want you to get the chance to really think about what you are answering. It's not just some sort of weird personality test. It's important that you take it seriously."

"Okay. Thanks for the warning."

"Well, that's it for me then. If you don't mind, I just want to grab something out of the desk there."

"Oh, I'm sorry! Is this your office? I can move out of the way."

"No, it's not mine anymore, it used to be. I just left something in the drawer there when I cleared out everything else."

"Okay, sure, go ahead."

"Oh. Well. It's gone. They must have cleared it out before putting in your things. I thought I'd get a chance to...well never mind. What's done is done. Thanks for letting me check."

"These aren't really my things. They are just letting me use this office while I fill out the paperwork."

"Yeah, well...take those questions seriously."

"If you were a dog, what kind of a dog would you want to be? Honestly? These are the questions I'm supposed to take seriously?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh sorry! I was talking to someone else...who seems to have gone?"

"Okay, then. Welcome to The Institute, by the way, I'm right next door if you need anything."

"Thanks. I'm just filling out this questionnaire."

"Oh the personality test. Yeah, it's an odd one. But I guess they can get a lot of information out of it. They've been really good at predicting the best work environment for me anyway. Okay, I'll duck back out and let you get to it."

...........

"All done?"

"Yeah. That was a lot."

"Too much?"

"Well..."

"I'll let you in on a little secret. The trick to a test like the one you just took is in the volume of questions. There were a lot of things asked that were the same question, just asked slightly differently. It gets to what you truly value. How you truly feel about things. Not what you think you should say, but what you really think. And then when you are feeling kind of numbed from the number of questions there are one of two in there that are actually getting real nuggets of information. What motivates you? What do you really want?"

"What type of dog would I be?"

"Okay, yes, that seems odd, but are you a Lab, a Chihuahua, a Boxer or a Dalmatian? I am guessing you answered Lab."

"I did. But doesn't everyone? I mean who wants to be thought of as a Chihuahua?"

"Chihuahuas fight above their weight class. They are the unexpected dog in a fight. The snappish ones. But why are you a Lab?"

"I view them as loyal, smart, working dogs, but not showy like a Dalmatian. Friendlier than a Chihuahua. Not as pugnacious as a Boxer."

"See? Look how much we just learned not only about you, but about how you view others."

"I see. I think I should go back and change a few answers."

"Too late! But don't worry. It's just a part of your file. We will have so much more information to put together your best work experience."

"Well that sounds very positive. When will I hear if I have the job?"

"Excuse me?"

"When will I know how this all goes? I mean, I am assuming I have a few more people to meet with today, but you are my point of contact right?"

"Oh. No. You aren't interviewing. You are already hired. We didn't send you a request did we? I mean, it's never happened before, but someone could have I guess?"

"Well it was a description of the job and the time of the interview."

"Did it say interview?"

"No. I guess not. Just the time and date to arrive."

"Well there we go. No mistake at all. You got the job information and the hire date and here we are."

"So I'm already hired?"

"Yes...didn't I say this was your office earlier?"

"You did, but I thought maybe it was just a 'to use now' your office?"

"No, this is your office. This is where you work. That is your employee manual. You'll find the pay and benefits to be much better than what you were previously making and honestly a little better than what you were hoping to negotiate to. Tomorrow you will meet the whole staff you will be working with and you will start on your career with The Institute. Today was really more of a showing you just a taste of the place preview."

"Oh. Wow. Okay. Actually I already sort of met two people so far. My next office neighbor popped their head in for a second when they thought I was talking to them. And the person whose office this use to be...."

"What?"

"The person who used to have this office? They were looking for something in the desk?"

"Oh that rascal. Yes, I bet they were. But choices were made and they couldn't really change direction after so many things were put in place to accommodate them. We haven't finished analyzing it yet so not sure if it was a literal poison pill or just a narcotic of some sort but...well. Anyway, I need to see to the finishing touches on the ceremony. You feel free to read up a little more in the manual there. And if you choose you can watch the retirement ceremony and call it a day?"

"Can I take the manual with me to read at my place this evening?"

"I think you're going to want to start with section 2. Okay, it's been a pleasure and now I really must be going. See you in the morning, and welcome, once again, to The Institute."

Section 2: Housing
Welcome to The Institute Housing Process! Please be assured that the move will be smooth and handled with out any undue stress on your part. Your first few nights will be spent at the Hotel Institute. Your key card is in the top drawer of your desk and if you pick up the phone an operator will arrange a car to drive you over. We've arranged a few changes of clothing and all of your incidentals while the contents of your house are being packed and moved.

What? Housing? I'll live here?

As you are currently unmarried and without children you will be living in one of our smaller "starter homes" in the single's division. This will give you plenty of opportunity to socialize with fellow Institute staff members who might share your interests. If your circumstances change a move to the couples and/or family subdivisions will be arranged. Lastly we have senior assisted living facilities depending, of course, on how you answered the retirement question in your intake quiz.

Wait? What? Retirement question? What retirement question? They started to think back through the 100s of rapid shot questions they had answered. There was one on the age you'd like to retire. And one on how you wanted to leave your job. Both had honest answers and suck up I want this job answers. That part they remembered. What were the specifics? There was a scale younger to older, and another from retire to a life of leisure on the beach or you'd have to drag me out of here kicking and screaming and beat me to death to leave. Which honestly seemed a little over the top but they still almost answered it that way. Sucking up in interviews was a time honored tradition right? But the advice, "Take these seriously" popped back up at that point and they had answered retire after making a significant change in the world (still a bit suck up but also true) and live out their last days relaxing with a good view and good books. 

But honestly, why would they need to think about retirement just yet? And why would it matter what they answered? 

The scream answered the question.

The kicking sealed it.

When the billy clubs came out "take it seriously" was etched in their brain.

There really was a great view of the courtyard from the office. 

Background...

Writing a multipart story right now. Just put the first part up. It's a short piece, but an establishing piece for me. I want to get the flow started. I don't want to forget about it and let it fade away. So you get that really quick little establishing scene while I try and decide exactly how the rest is going to go to hit all the beats I want to hit. 

I know, you are shocked, or at least some of you are, because I usually work without a net. No outlines, no idea what's going to happen. But this story isn't like my usual things. Because it's not my idea.

I mean like the whole thing too. Not just it's a writing prompt I found someplace but the whole story is from someone else. 

See my friend Faye had this completely batshit bonkers dream the other night and the whole time she was dreaming she was thinking, "I have to tell Denise about this." Which, Yay! One yay for lucid dreaming. I'm a big fan. The other yay that when people have really batshit bonkers things happen they think of me. I'm a unique flavor but if you get me, you really get me.

But anyway...she sent me a message with her dream in it and I agreed it was awesome and totally right up my alley for weirdness. 

Then I couldn't get it out of my head. I kept trying to decide things about it. The when and the where and the why. And I finally sent her a message and asked if I could take her dream and turn it into a story. She was all in and here we are.

Now, I'll be honest, even though I know how the dream went and what I thought was great about it and what I think I'll be lifting and putting into my story it might not go that way. The people sometimes change their stories when they start talking to me. 

Which in a way would be kind of fun as well. I mean, if I can surprise Faye with how the story goes when she already knows how it ends? Well that would be pretty cool.

So here we go. I should get at least two pieces out of this. Maybe three. How great would that be? Get half of my fiction out put for December off of someone else's subconscious? Nice....

Job Security...

"The Institute? You have an interview with The Institute?"

"Well you don't have to sound so shocked!"

"No, I mean, obviously if anyone would be good enough to get a job with The Institute it would be you, but...I mean. I've never actually known anyone who even knew anyone who worked there."

"I'm just teasing you. I mean, I was shocked to get the notice as well."

"You didn't apply?"

"Have you ever seen a job posting from The Institute?"

"Hunh, no. I guess not. I never thought about it before. But no. So they just sent you a job interview request?"

"They sent me the information on the available position and what day and time I was expected. It wasn't a request so much as a summons."

"Really? So no job posting, no CV request, just them telling you to show up for the interview without you even showing interest?"

"Yep."

"Wow. Now that's some arrogance, just assuming you will show up."

"Well yeah, but..."

"You're right. I guess it's not cocky if you can back it up right? What are you going to wear?"

"I'm going shopping tomorrow. Want to come with me?"

"Sure. And then when you wow them and get hired you can put in a good word for me. Hmm, maybe that's how you get on there, it's all personal recommendations from inside?"

"I thought about that, but I don't know anyone who works for The Institute. At least I don't think I do."

"Well there goes that theory. You'll have to ask when you get your interview. But not in a way that makes it sound like you don't deserve to be there. More in a casual sort of 'which one of my many accolades made you feel you should contact me?' sort of way. Be just as arrogant as they are."

"I'll ask. But probably not in an arrogant way. I mean, I'm not The Institute."

"But you are wanted by them, so that should mean something."

"True. Okay, you can be my hype-man while we are shopping and by the time I go in to talk to them I'll be ten feet tall and bullet proof."

"Perfect."

December!

And the final first of the month blog.

I knew as soon as I noticed I had posted on the first for like 6 months in a row that it was going to become a thing I had to finish out. 

I know a lot of people had issues with the show Big Bang Theory, but it had one of the best descriptions of compulsive behavior that I've ever heard. Or at least one of the closest to what it feels like in my head. Sheldon described his compulsion to do something in a certain way like wearing an itchy sweater. You can fight against scratching, but it just gets worse and worse. It builds until you have to rip the sweater off and scratch all over. Or you can just scratch the itch right away and be done with it. 

When I have something that I really feel the need to do it's like that. But an itch in my head instead. For instance sitting in a friend's living room and there is this little mosquito buzz in the back of my brain saying, "don't you really want to touch those curtains? I mean look at them...they look like they could be really soft but at the same time there is some sort of bumpy texture there. You'll never know if you don't touch them." and the mid part of my brain is arguing, "you can't touch other people's curtains. That's just weird. How do you even explain that you just need to feel the cloth to see what the texture is? You can't tell them, my fingers are itching and I need to touch those. They will think you have a fungus or something." and another part is like, "Just casually walk by them and act like you are looking out the window. Easy. Why do I always have to be the one to figure this stuff out." while the whole time the front part of my brain is trying to hold on to a conversation thread. Now imagine that if it's someone's hair. 

I spend a lot of time with my hands clasped together. 

But now the first of the month itch is scratched!

And you all understand why I am loath to let a goal slide unchecked. 

And possibly why I set so many random ones for myself. Better to be in control over what I'm obsessing about than have my random brain select the items. 

What does December look like?

Well, busy. Which is a weird feeling after having almost two years of just lovely slow pace (for me, Brent didn't really get that). Brent's work schedule is insane. Yesterday his first meeting was a 6 AM and his last started at 7:30 PM. I keep waiting for it to slow down for the holiday lull but I think it really will be only the two days he got at Thanksgiving and a couple days at Christmas. Maybe. Since Christmas is over the weekend this year I'm not actually sure if he'll get a break or not.  But on top of his crazy work hours we've got hockey, soccer and football games to enjoy. I've got a dentist visit and some things I need to go across town to pick up, trying to get the motivation to drive 40 minutes just to run an errand is getting harder and harder as I've adjusted to pandemic bring it to my door life! We've got house move things to keep working towards. It's just ramping up for the next few months and December is leading the way.

We aren't doing anything for Christmas really. Taking another year off from decorating as Tig still chews on EVERYTHING in site. I'm hoping that one more year will cure him of this for the most part but not really sure. We've never had a cat that chews like he does. We think he was weaned way too early and we are reaping the neurotic rewards from that. 

We've also decided to skip Christmas gifts again. I think we are probably done with exchanging them all together. We're all adults now and if we want something we just buy it for ourselves. What we had been doing in the years leading up to stopping was putting things on a wish list. But that's just me buying something for myself with your money so really why? We enjoy spending time together and will continue to do that, taking a vacation as a family of three here and there as well. It's just more enjoyable I think. Though there is a feeling that we should be opening presents on Christmas morning just because it's what people do. A good lesson in habits and how even when you know they don't serve you well you have a hard time breaking them.

December will also be a big writing push for me. I need to get 10 blogs up, 6 of them need to be fiction. I also need to figure out those submissions. I might give myself a moment of grace and turn the one non-contest submission into a contest submission but have to do two or something? It's easier to find contests than it is open submissions and since I let it slide I need something to make it seem balanced. Still working out how to scratch that itch, but it's only the 1st so I have a few days. 

But speaking of a busy December I need to get going on the day's chores. 

AND...I can post a bitching status about it all later because Positive Posts November is DONE!

Merry Cranky Christmas Postings to Us All!

Positive It's Over!

Today is the last day of the no negative posts in November challenge.

Did it work?

Mmmmaybe?

I mean, I did go in and delete one post where I bitched about officiating in a game I was watching so I didn't exactly make it, but I deleted it when I realized it was a bitching post with no positive spin added. 

Other than that what mainly happened is I just didn't post my thoughts about things. Or I waited until I could find something tangentially positive. I typed and deleted a few things. I rephrased a few comments until it came out less FUCK OFF and more why would you post something like this? 

But, honestly, for the most part there wasn't a huge change. 

I think over the years I have already learned not to engage with people online who can't have a discussion. You know the ones who just want to fight. The ones that you never see on your posts unless they want to fight. The ones that you cannot delete from your friend list for whatever reason but anytime you see their name in your notifications you have to take a deep centering breath before you read what they wrote. Now, sometimes even knowing those things I ignore my better angels and unleash, but at least when I do it, I do it knowing full well what's happening. 

So it's hard to say what I gained, or if I gained anything at all this month. 

Maybe just a reinforcement of the idea that I don't need to engage with everyone no matter what nonsense they post. When this wonderful world of internet posting first came into my life I really felt like anyone who knew better had a responsibility to do better. (Thank you, Ms. Angelou) And I still believe that. When you know better to you do better, but you can't make other people see things they don't want to see. 

I know the last election was fair. I can't make other people who have a whole chunk of their lives wrapped into believing it was a fraud see that. I know that it's going to take all of us caring about each other to battle Covid into manageable. I can't make people who have decided that it's some sort of threat to their freedoms to care about other people see that. I know that presidents have very little control over gas prices. I can't make people who post things like "Let's Go, Brandon" thinking it's the height of clever understand that. 

So this past month, for the most part, I just let them be. 

No minds were changed, but odds are no minds would have been changed even if I had posted my thoughts on their posts. 

Though I did post a few things when it felt worse to leave them alone. I just was careful with my word choices. Which I used to be really careful. Back when I believed that minds could be changed. Back when I thought the reasonable argument could sway the irrational fear. Oh I was such a newb. But it does make me feel better to be careful with my words. To know that even if every fiber of my being is wanting to scream swear words the ability to rationally present an argument is actually something I like about myself. 

And I do know that there are people I have to stay away from because there is no rational argument that will penetrate their belief that they are always right and everyone else is an idiot. So November was a good reminder that those people aren't people that will show on my daily feeds. I don't need to see what they are posting anymore than they want me to post on those things. Because I'm not delusional enough to not realize that I have to frustrate them as much as they frustrate me. I mean with my whole caring about other people over profits and personal gain, what a jerk! Though I'm sure they would phrase it more as being an anticapitalistic, bleeding heart, liberal. But like, they'd say it in a negative way. 

So from my standpoint it didn't really seem that much different. The predominance of what I post is fluff and nonsense anyway, I think. And I don't really believe that my tendency is to go really negative when I do post about politics or social issues. There are times, but it's not my go to. So was it really all that different? Do I feel like I made a change? Does it feel like I did my part to make the world a little brighter?

Mmmmaybe? 

But maybe not. 

I think I keep landing on the space where I do still think it's up to me to present my world view. I think it's a good one. I know it makes some people crazy, but it doesn't change things. I want a world where racism is in the past. Where sexism is a relic. Where the whole LGBTQ+ family is treated as equals. Where we can look clear eyed at our past and face our future with resolve to do better. Where people don't go bankrupt because they got sick. Where the houseless problem is fixed because we put people in houses. Where when a fucking pandemic hits we don't ask why we should care about anyone else, we just do it automatically because that's what we do...

So I'll keep screaming into the void. Or trying to craft well worded messages for the void. Or yelling FUCK OFF YOU DUMB FUCKING FUCK FACE before back spacing and deleting into the void...one of those for sure. 

How about you? Did you see a difference in November? Or did you just ignore me because I make you crazy?

December 1 tomorrow. 

Whew....

Final Push...

I really can't set goals and not try to make them.

It makes me itchy. 

Which means that for December I need to write. 

A lot. 

And a good dose of fiction.

And find two places to submit. One contest and one not.

And do that while starting the move preparations. 

And holiday things, which to be honest isn't really a challenge. We aren't really decorating just yet. Giving Tig another year to stop chewing up everything. Probably should be putting up some outside things today if we are going to do it. It's unseasonably warm right now. I mean I'm sitting in the office with the window open so Tux can enjoy the smells. 

But if I want to wrap up my goals I need to do that one last push. Otherwise I think I'll be fine. It's just the writing that will be a challenge. 

Writing with a large dose of fiction. 

I need some inspiration is what I'm saying. 

So you know what that means...a month of writing prompt writing! Yay for random forced creativity! Now just trying to decide if I search out just random writing prompts or if I find a list of holiday prompts to at least pretend like we are celebrating like the rest of the world. 

And while I'm doing all of that 2022 is looming and I'm trying to decide what to do as far as goals. I am not sure if my no goal year of 2020 was actually a good test, considering how awful it was. Or if it was a bad red flag for the Universe which paid me back in full for not having "anything I have to do."  I mean a plague, a death in the family, and a kitten with a broken leg seem like a pretty good DON'T DO THAT AGAIN warning...

I think I'm leaning toward a not really goals, just maintenance year. The goal to keep my weight the same. The goal to keep writing a few times a week (which is really a step up from this year at times). The goal to read a book a week (which isn't a lot but can get tougher when you are really busy and can only fit in that 20 minutes before bed time). I think that's what I'm leaning toward. Doing those things on top of getting the move done (which will take the first 3 months of the year), getting settled in (which will take another month or so I would guess). And then seeing how the new place seems for schedules. Like am I going to want to read more because I will have my own back yard to go sit in and read? Or will I decide that I want to take up gardening? (That's kind of a joke since one of the reasons we moved in to this place 20 years ago was to get away from having to maintain the garden!) 

But for now I'm still puzzling out how to finish this year strong and then what to really do about next year. 

For everyone who was betting there was no way that I would leave the goals undone give yourselves a gold star. 

It just makes me itchy.