Positive It's Over!

Today is the last day of the no negative posts in November challenge.

Did it work?

Mmmmaybe?

I mean, I did go in and delete one post where I bitched about officiating in a game I was watching so I didn't exactly make it, but I deleted it when I realized it was a bitching post with no positive spin added. 

Other than that what mainly happened is I just didn't post my thoughts about things. Or I waited until I could find something tangentially positive. I typed and deleted a few things. I rephrased a few comments until it came out less FUCK OFF and more why would you post something like this? 

But, honestly, for the most part there wasn't a huge change. 

I think over the years I have already learned not to engage with people online who can't have a discussion. You know the ones who just want to fight. The ones that you never see on your posts unless they want to fight. The ones that you cannot delete from your friend list for whatever reason but anytime you see their name in your notifications you have to take a deep centering breath before you read what they wrote. Now, sometimes even knowing those things I ignore my better angels and unleash, but at least when I do it, I do it knowing full well what's happening. 

So it's hard to say what I gained, or if I gained anything at all this month. 

Maybe just a reinforcement of the idea that I don't need to engage with everyone no matter what nonsense they post. When this wonderful world of internet posting first came into my life I really felt like anyone who knew better had a responsibility to do better. (Thank you, Ms. Angelou) And I still believe that. When you know better to you do better, but you can't make other people see things they don't want to see. 

I know the last election was fair. I can't make other people who have a whole chunk of their lives wrapped into believing it was a fraud see that. I know that it's going to take all of us caring about each other to battle Covid into manageable. I can't make people who have decided that it's some sort of threat to their freedoms to care about other people see that. I know that presidents have very little control over gas prices. I can't make people who post things like "Let's Go, Brandon" thinking it's the height of clever understand that. 

So this past month, for the most part, I just let them be. 

No minds were changed, but odds are no minds would have been changed even if I had posted my thoughts on their posts. 

Though I did post a few things when it felt worse to leave them alone. I just was careful with my word choices. Which I used to be really careful. Back when I believed that minds could be changed. Back when I thought the reasonable argument could sway the irrational fear. Oh I was such a newb. But it does make me feel better to be careful with my words. To know that even if every fiber of my being is wanting to scream swear words the ability to rationally present an argument is actually something I like about myself. 

And I do know that there are people I have to stay away from because there is no rational argument that will penetrate their belief that they are always right and everyone else is an idiot. So November was a good reminder that those people aren't people that will show on my daily feeds. I don't need to see what they are posting anymore than they want me to post on those things. Because I'm not delusional enough to not realize that I have to frustrate them as much as they frustrate me. I mean with my whole caring about other people over profits and personal gain, what a jerk! Though I'm sure they would phrase it more as being an anticapitalistic, bleeding heart, liberal. But like, they'd say it in a negative way. 

So from my standpoint it didn't really seem that much different. The predominance of what I post is fluff and nonsense anyway, I think. And I don't really believe that my tendency is to go really negative when I do post about politics or social issues. There are times, but it's not my go to. So was it really all that different? Do I feel like I made a change? Does it feel like I did my part to make the world a little brighter?

Mmmmaybe? 

But maybe not. 

I think I keep landing on the space where I do still think it's up to me to present my world view. I think it's a good one. I know it makes some people crazy, but it doesn't change things. I want a world where racism is in the past. Where sexism is a relic. Where the whole LGBTQ+ family is treated as equals. Where we can look clear eyed at our past and face our future with resolve to do better. Where people don't go bankrupt because they got sick. Where the houseless problem is fixed because we put people in houses. Where when a fucking pandemic hits we don't ask why we should care about anyone else, we just do it automatically because that's what we do...

So I'll keep screaming into the void. Or trying to craft well worded messages for the void. Or yelling FUCK OFF YOU DUMB FUCKING FUCK FACE before back spacing and deleting into the void...one of those for sure. 

How about you? Did you see a difference in November? Or did you just ignore me because I make you crazy?

December 1 tomorrow. 

Whew....