August...

 Quick July recap...

I didn't write as much as I had planned to. I'm having a hard time finding my groove there. But I did write 10 times and a couple of fiction pieces so it wasn't nothing. 

I started the reread of Sandman like I had planned and that along with my normal books puts me 2 books ahead for the year, so whew! Finally out of the hole there. 

Weight was pretty much stable. Which is good since it was an odd month for workouts. With the PT I'm getting I actually went lighter on my normal workout schedule a few days to make sure I had enough juice in me for the extra conditioning on my legs. Unlearning old movement patterns is mentally exhausting as well as physically. 

So on to August...

It's birthday month. 

For those of you who might be new birthday month is Cake and Compliments Month! Eat the cake! Give the compliment!

I'm going to share old stuff here now, I know most of you have heard all of this before but isn't that part of birthdays? Being nostalgic and sharing old stories? Well if it's not, it should be!

I celebrate all month of August for my birthday. It seems a bit excessive when you first hear it. And maybe it is...but it's not like I expect you to shower me with attention and gifts. Or at least not any more than usual.

It stemmed from not getting a birthday celebration to myself when I was growing up. I often repost a picture from my third birthday on my birthday. It's me in my grandparent's house in Iowa, I'm standing next to a cake. The reason it gets posted so often is because that's it. I am the youngest child in my nuclear family and the youngest child in a large extended family. There were four of us born in August so my birthday was our birthday. One family celebration for Aunt Lucille, Todd, me and John. We ate a meal of creamed tacos (Aunt Lucille's favorite) with German Chocolate Cake for dessert (John's favorite). Now those things are some of my favorites as well, but that's not why we had them. In a way I had it better than Todd, because I don't think he cared for either of those things, but in another way I had it worse because Uncle Denny and Aunt Carol still had a birthday celebration for Todd on his actual birthday. For me? That group celebration was it. 

It was so "it" that on my 16th birthday my family forgot to even wish me a happy birthday on the day. Not a word. It also happened to be the first day of Junior year. Matt (who shared my birthday) and I decided this was just not okay and cut most of our classes that day and went to the mall. It actually ended up being a really fun birthday. I'm sure there had to be some blow back the next day in school when we did show up for our "first" day of class, but I don't remember that part at all. We also celebrated our 18th birthday together. When he found out I was working that day and not doing anything he insisted that I come over to his place and celebrate with him at the big party that his boyfriend had planned. 

For my 19th birthday I had a party that was just for me. Brent threw me a party with friends of mine from work and friends of his from base and then like most parties at that age everyone brought people as well. Which meant I knew some of the people and didn't know some of the people. One of the guys there guessed that I was turning 30...well okay then. 

That was the last of the parties. Not because of the age guess, though that would be funny, but because I didn't really care for it. I'm not a big party person anyway, and since I hadn't ever had big birthday parties it wasn't something I felt like I needed. For a few years Brent and I made a little to do out of it. My Magic birthday (20 on the 20th) he got me a lovely ring and roses and we went to fancy dinner. Well, fancy for Idaho Falls. 

For my 21st birthday we went to dinner and then three other stops to buy booze so I could get carded. It took me putting my hair in pig tails and trying to look nervous for that to actually happen. See the guess that I was turning 30 on my 19th birthday to explain that...

But basically birthdays have never been that big of a deal. So it started as a joke. IT'S BIRTHDAY MONTH! Tell me I look young and thin! Then it morphed into Cake and Compliments month. But not for me. For everyone. I want everyone to have cake and get and give compliments. 

And cake is really loosely defined. It's whatever treat you like. Cake, pie, chips, super fresh fruit. What ever treat makes you happy. That's cake. It's all cake. 

And so we did a few years, quite a few years, with that. 

But...

Two years ago Mom decided she was too tired to keep going. She let us all know she was just tired and done. And then we waited for her body to catch up with her decision. August was a long few weeks waiting for the call that she had passed. 

Last year Matt died in May. So it was the first August without Mom and with the memory of the year before still really raw. And the first year on this earth without Matt to share a birthday. 

Cake and compliments month has lost its shine, is what I'm saying. 

I used to really look forward to the first of August but last week I was dreading it. I'm not yet to the point where it doesn't still feel really raw and painful. I'm not sure when it will feel joyous again naturally.

Naturally.

That's the part we are going to work against this year.

I decided that I'm celebrating Cake and Compliments Month this year full out. I really couldn't manage it last year. More tears than joy. But I'm going to try my best to do it this year. To find the pieces that are really good. I know it won't be easy, and I know there will be days where I will just be in my feels all day (today is going to be one, I think) but I'm also going to find the bright spots and the joyous parts. And if I can get it back, that's great, and if not, then we will retire C&C and be glad that it had a good run.

So on to August. 

Cake and Compliments Month... I will have the gluten free cake. I will give the compliments freely. I will look for the joy.

Writing...I will try my best to write more days than not. 

Reading...I will finish The Sandman series as well as few other books and try to keep the advantage I finally gained in July.

Working out...Really strong effort for PT

Daily Gratitude/Picture of the Day...GUYS! The first "gift" of birthday month is that Fat Mum Slim (Chantelle, the woman who makes the prompts I usually use) has made August Gratitude month. Every day a picture of something we are grateful for. How fucking perfect is this for me and for C&C month? Honestly, I'm assuming she did it just for me. 

And remember, the biggest rule of C&C Month....

We all play. You eat the cake. You give the compliments. We do this together to make the world a better place. What could be a better birthday gift?